How To Kill ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’

, , , , , , , | Right | July 29, 2010

(A teenage girl and her mother enter the store and walk over to the counter.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you with something?”

Teen: “Yeah, like, do you have, like, To Kill a Mockingbird?”

Me: “Yes, we do. If you could follow me, please.”

(I lead them to the book’s location, where we have two different copies.)

Teen: “Mom, pick the smaller one!”

Mother: “Honey, you know that doesn’t make the story shorter, right?”

Teen: “Oh.”

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High School Dropouts Work On The Pharm

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2010

(I work as a pharmacy tech at a chain pharmacy. I am also currently in pharmacy school and will be a pharmacist one day.)

Customer: “You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Can I help you with something?”

Customer: “No! I refuse to be helped by a high school dropout! You should be ashamed of yourself for working where children can see you! You are going to make them think that it is okay to not have an education!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not a high school dropout. I have a high school diploma and I am currently in pharmacy school working towards a Doctor of Pharmacy. I am going to be a pharmacist one day.”

Customer: “Stop lying! I have never heard of a pharmacist before. You are a high school dropout!”

Manager: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes! Your employee is lying to me! She says she is going to be a pharmacist! That job doesn’t exist!”

(The manager looks at our pharmacist who is near tears from laughing so hard.)

Manager: “Ma’am, see the man over there? He’s the one who filled your prescription. He is a pharmacist.”

Customer: “No, he isn’t! He just counts pills! You don’t need school for that!”

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Demand A Battery Of Tests ASAP

, , , , , | Right | May 24, 2010

(A customer comes to pick up a phone they had dropped off for repair.)

Customer: “I’m so glad it is working! What was the problem?”

Me: “It just needed to be charged.”

Customer: “No, it was fully charged Friday and then just died.  There must be something else wrong with it. Please look at it further.”

Me: “Well, I did. The battery was at 0%; in fact, you still will need to charge it for quite a while. It is working, though.”

Customer: “No, you keep it and keep looking.” *leaves*

(The customer comes back two hours later. A coworker handles it.)

Customer: “So is it okay?”

Coworker: “Yes, it turns out there was a problem with the phone’s N.R.G. We have corrected it.”

Customer: “So that explains it!”

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Post-Grammatic Stress

, , , , , | Right | April 26, 2010

(I have just completed a transaction and given the customer their coffee.)

Me: “Have a great day!”

Customer: “What did you say to me?”

Me: “I said have a great day.”

Customer: “Well, that’s impossible. I am an English teacher. It’s impossible to have a great day. Something will always go wrong to prevent ‘great’ from being the correct adjective to describe ‘day’. I find you wishing me the impossible insulting.”

Me: “Have a decent day?”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(The customer sits down to eat near the register and opens a book. Another customer orders and pays.)

Me: “Have a great day!”

Original Customer: “I heard that!”

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Innocence Lost

, , | Right | April 20, 2010

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yea, I need you guys to work on my car’s transmission. How much?”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t work on cars here. We print things.”

Caller: “But… but I Googled [Company] and I got you guys.”

Me: “I’m sorry, Google was wrong. I don’t know how we got on there.”

Caller: “But I Googled you! You have to do it!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have copiers here, not a garage. Try the Yellow Pages?”

Caller: *sounding very betrayed* “I can’t believe I Googled you.”

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