Laziness Has Its Advantages

, | Right | October 2, 2009

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Hospital]. How can I help you?”

Visitor: “I’d like to file a complaint. Is there a paper or something I can fill out?”

Me: “Sure. There are feedback forms right–”

Visitor: “[Patient]’s room is too far away! I’ve had to walk around this place too much. Too much walking. I don’t want to do any more walking!”

Me: “Okay. There are forms right on that desk over there.” *I point to desk a few feet away*

Visitor: “No, no, no! Forget it! If they’re too far away I don’t wanna do it! I don’t wanna walk that far! Goodbye!” *walks out of the hospital*


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Sloth Goes Shopping

, , | Right | September 1, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I direct your call?”

Caller:: “Are you in the store?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller:: “Good. Me, too.”

Me: “Sir, what can I help you with?”

Caller:: “I need to know where [item] is. I didn’t want to walk around the store to look.”

Me: “It is in aisle five, sir.”

Caller:: “You aren’t going to come and show me? You guys are lazy!” *click*


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Lazy Beyond Relief

, , | Right | July 27, 2009

Caller: *on the phone* “My house is going to be foreclosed on next week! Please help! I cannot lose this house; please help me save it!”

Me: “Okay. We’ll email a bankruptcy questionnaire to you right away. Please fill out as much as you can and get it back to us ASAP.”

(I email her the packet, which asks basic questions like how much you owe your creditors, what are your assets, how much do you make, etc. The caller phones back 15 minutes later.)

Caller: “That’s just too much information! Never mind, I’ll just give up the house.”


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When Customers Shop Past Their Naptime

, , | Right | July 2, 2009

Customer: “I can’t believe I had to open the door on my way in! It opens for me on the way out. Customers shouldn’t have to open doors.”

Me: “But, sir, if the ‘In’ door was automatic, it would smack you in the face.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I shouldn’t be expected to open my own doors.”

Me: “Well, you could always use the handicapped button. That will open the door for you.”

Customer: *stomps his foot* “No! No! No! No!”

(The customer left looking at me expectantly and pointing at the automatic door on his way out.)


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Sometimes They Travel In Packs

, , , | Right | June 10, 2009

(I have just arrived and am beginning my shift, when a teenage girl approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Hi… do you guys sell bread?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Anything you’re looking for in particular?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Which is?”

Customer: “White bread.”

Me: “We have several kinds of white bread. What kind would you like?”

Customer: “Oh… whatever.”

Me: *grabs the most expensive white bread* “Sliced?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “Thick or thin?”

Customer: “Oh… thick.”

Me: *slices bread and rings everything up* “That’ll be $5.50.”

Customer: “Is it too late to get that thin-sliced?”

Me: “…I could get another loaf for you.”

Customer: “Oh… nah, I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”

Me: *hands her her change and her bread* “Have a nice day.”

(She leaves, and a clearly intoxicated man walks over to my coworker.)

Man: “I LIKE YOUR BUNS!”

(He swears loudly and walks away.)

Coworker: “It’s gonna be a long day.”


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