(I work at a bank frequented by businesses. We ask if they can call in change orders for us to have them ready when they get there, but sometimes new people do the deposit and aren’t aware.)

Customer: *holding a handful of cash and a piece of paper with a change order on it* “I need a change order.”

Me: “Okay, sure.”

Customer: *pauses a moment* “Okay, I need $6 in pennies.” *hands me six dollars*

(I wait for her to continue; her list is long.)

Customer: “We’re going to do this one at a time.”

Me: *dies a little inside* “Oh, okay.”

(I then walk back and forth to where my rolls of coin are kept. Finally, at the end…)

Me: “And, for future reference, we do prefer if you call in your change orders so we can have them ready for you.”

Customer: “Oh, really? For this little amount?”

Me: “Yes.”

(She then rolled her eyes and left. Sorry we want to be ready for you when you get here, cranky lady.)

(I work in a restaurant as a busboy, and then as a waiter. The restaurant that I work in will give you free chocolate cake if it is your birthday. The cake isn’t very big, but large enough for four people. A woman comes in with six kids, all around the age of five or six years old.)

Customer: “It’s my son’s birthday, and we would like the free cake, and waters for everyone.”

Me: “Sure.”

(Normally, customers order food and get the cake as dessert. I run and grab a cake and bring it out with plates and the water for everyone. The cake also comes with a single candle that we light, and we leave the cake knife on the table so the customer can cut the cake themselves. I light the candle and start to walk away.)

Customer: “Wait! You have to sing Happy Birthday to my son.”

Me: “Okay.”

(This is nothing I’ve ever been asked to do, and I can’t sing well at all, but I sing “Happy Birthday.”)

Customer: “Can’t you cut the cake for us?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I cut the cake and distributed it to each child. Somehow, with only cake and water, they managed to make a huge mess, and then left in a hurry. They ended up leaving me a single dollar for all of the trouble and the free cake.)

Related:
The Cake Is A Lie, Part 5
The Cake Is A Lie, Part 4
The Cake Is A Lie, Part 3

This story is part of the dessert day roundup!

Read the next dessert day roundup story!

Read the dessert day roundup!

(The doctor’s office where I work is very small, as it only accommodates one doctor. The way the office is set up, the only bathroom is just around the corner from the storage closet. Because the storage closet door is always closed, many patients initially mistake it for the bathroom. Because of this, and because many of our patients are elderly and prone to forgetfulness, I have made a habit of reminding all patients who ask for the bathroom that it is “straight back and around the corner.” On this particular day, a gentleman who has not been to the office in over a year comes in for an appointment and asks for the bathroom.)

Me: “Sure. It’s straight back and right—”

Patient: *sharply* “I know where it is! I’ve been here before!”

(He proceeded to walk into the storage closet.)

Customer: “I just picked up my online order, but it took forever to get here, so I already ordered it somewhere else. Can I return it?”

(It is past the return date, but I decide to help her out.)

Me: “Sure!”

(I scan the receipt, and the system automatically refunds it to the credit card it was purchased on, as per PCI compliance and credit card industry standards.)

Me: “All right, [total] has been automatically refunded to your credit card.”

Customer: “Wait! That card is cancelled! You have to refund it to a different one!”

Me: “I’m sorry, the system automatically refunds to the tender you paid with. It doesn’t give us an option because of credit card compliance standards. Is your new card with the same bank?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then the bank should automatically redirect the credit to your new card. If you take the receipt to your bank, they should be able to verify for you that the credit went to the new account.”

Customer: “Why do I have to go to the bank? You should have told me it would go to the cancelled card before you did the return!”

Me: “Like I said, your bank should automatically take care of it for you and redirect to the new account.”

Customer: “But it’s a different bank. You should have done the refund to my new card!”

Me: “You just told me it was the same bank. If it’s a different one, I can call our accounting department and see if there’s a way to void this out. Let me see what I can do.”

Customer: “You should have told me it would go to the closed card before you did the transaction!”

Me: *now annoyed and amused that she is picking a fight with me when I’m trying to help her* “No, you should have told me the card was cancelled when you tried to return it.”

Customer: “No, you should have told me it would go to the cancelled card!”

(Yes, dear. My psychic brain should have known better. I guess it’s my fault for agreeing to do the return in the first place.)

(I am hit by a car while jogging, and it is a hit-and-run. Thankfully I am not badly hurt and I am able to get enough information on the car to track down the driver the same day. Once I know who it is and am able to visit the ER on their insurance’s dime, I go and get fully checked out. It is confirmed that my injuries are minor. About a week later I’m in the break-room at work and a couple of middle-managers are in there at the same time. The accident comes up.)

Manager #1: “Oh, yeah, hit-and-run, right? Didn’t they catch the guy?”

Me: “Yes, they did.”

Manager #1: “That’s lucky. You’re going to be all right, I bet.”

Me: “Well, I went to the ER that same day and had x-rays and stuff, just to confirm I’m fine. I am.”

Manager #1: *looking a tad worried* “You are going to sue, right?”

Me: “No… I don’t expect that I will. I’m fine.”

Manager #1: “What if there are complications?”

Me: “Then I get a doctor to indicate that it’s a result of the accident, and I handle that with their insurance. Hopefully, if that happened, it would then just be handled, but I guess if they fought it I’d have to sue. But I’m not going to just sue for the heck of it. I’m fine.”

Manager #1: *condescendingly* “Well, what about pain and suffering?”

Me: *smarta** tone right back at her* “And how much does that go for these days?”

Manager #2: *seriously and dryly* “Easily $60,000.”

Manager #1: “Don’t be stupid and pass up your golden ticket.”

(No, I didn’t sue.)