(I work in an ice cream shop. Our chocolate shakes are made with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce, rather than chocolate ice cream.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a large chocolate shake?”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

Customer: “Make sure it’s not too heavy on the chocolate!”

(I make the shake, using about half the usual amount of chocolate sauce, and hand it to the woman.)

Customer: *doesn’t even taste the shake* “No, no, this is way too much chocolate! I needed EASY chocolate.”

(I remake the shake, using only about a quarter of the usual amount. Again, I hand it to the customer, who glances at it without tasting it.)

Customer: *condescendingly* “Are you even listening to me? I’m a diabetic. I can not have too much sugar! Is that really too much to ask?”

(I make the shake a third time, this time adding no chocolate sauce whatsoever. I hand her the shake.)

Customer: *tastes her chocolateless chocolate shake* “THERE, that’s perfect. Was that really so hard?!”

(It’s Father’s Day. A gay couple and their kids walk into the store and get a bit of a cold reception from the employee behind the register. A boy at one of the tables, 5 years old or so, is watching this.)

Boy: “Mommy, why does that family have two daddies?”

(The kid was kind of loud, and the gay couple look over, expecting a bad reaction.)

Mom: “Sweetie, some families have two mommies, or two daddies, or only one mommy or daddy. Not every family is like our family, and whatever their family is like, that’s okay.”

Boy: “It’s okay to have two daddies?”

Mom: “Yes, it’s okay to have two daddies. They’re allowed to love whoever they want, just like everybody else.”

Boy: “Really?”

Mom: “Yep.”

Boy: “Okay.”

(The kid finishes ice cream quietly.)

Boy: “…Mommy?”

Mom: “Yes, dear?”

Boy: “If I had two daddies, would I get two ice creams on Father’s Day?”

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(A young man in his early 20s approaches the counter. He is dressed very much like a typical frat boy.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream parlor]! What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get cotton candy and cake batter ice cream mixed together? And when you put it in the bowl, can you put the cone on top like a hat and make a smiley face out of gummy bears?”

Me: “Awww, sure! Who’s it for?”

Customer: *quite seriously* “Me!”

Me: “Awesome.”

(A mother and her son are sampling several kinds of ice cream, trying to decide what kind of ice cream cake they want. Note that all flavors are clearly labelled with their contents.)

Customer: “Are there nuts in the pralines ‘n’ cream ice cream? My son is allergic to nuts.”

Me: “Yes, pralines are nuts. You did not tell me he has a nut allergy. How’s your son, is he okay? Should I call an ambulance? Do you need help?”

Customer: “So, about my cake… I’m still not really sure what flavors I want. How can I order my cake now? My son’s face is getting itchy.”

Me: “You should probably just go ahead and take him to the hospital. Can I call someone? Do you want to use my phone? How’s your son doing?”

Customer: “Yes, I should probably go to the hospital, but then, how will I order my cake? I want this cake. What should I do?”

Me: “Take a card and call us with a phone order later. You should get your son some help!”

Customer: “But, about my cake…”

(She finally takes him to the hospital. Luckily, it is close by!)

(A lady and her daughter walk in.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Daughter: “Can I have the waffle cone with a scoop of coconut ice cream?”

Me: “Yeah, sure. Here you go.” *hands over ice cream*

Customer: “What sizes do you have for snow cones?”

Me: “I have a $2 cup and a $2.50 cup.” *shows her sizes*

Customer: “Do you have a $1.50 cup?”

Me: “No, I have $2 and $2.50.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll have one exactly like my daughter’s.”

Me: “A $2 coconut waffle cone?”

Customer: “No, I want it in a cup… and make it strawberry.”

Me: “So, not exactly like hers.”

Customer: “No, I guess not. Wait… never mind. I’ll have a small snow cone.”

Me: “Okay, what flavor?”

Customer: “I’ll have the strawberry.”

Me: “Okay. There you go.” *hands over the small strawberry snow cone*

Customer: “Oh, you made it small? When I said small, I meant big! I thought you would understand.”

Me: “No. You said small, so I gave you small.”

Customer: “Well, I wanted the large one, but it’s okay. It was your mistake.”