(A woman comes in for her appointment. I don’t see anyone else with her, nor is there any mention. She gets taken in with our sonographer, and 15 minutes into her appointment, my radiographer comes to me with a five- or six-year-old boy.)

Radiographer: “I just found this boy in one of our empty rooms, wandering around.”

(She is stunned and almost laughing at how serious it is leaving someone so young alone.)

Me: “Is he with anyone?”

Radiographer: “I don’t know. He won’t talk to me. Maybe put a kids show on and see if he’s with the woman inside ultrasound.”

Me: “Okay.”

(The radiographer gives me a “Who is careless like this?” look and returns to her work.)

Me: “Okay, buddy. Do you want to watch something?”

Boy: “Do you have kids shows?”

Me: “Sure!”

(Finally, when the woman comes out, she calls the boy.)

Me: “Is he with you?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “Just so you know, he was wandering around our empty rooms. We had no idea he was here or who he was with.”

Woman: “Did he lose me?”

(To this day, I still wonder how someone can be lost when they never knew where they were to begin with. She was behind a closed door, as well. Who leaves their child alone?!)

(Due to several medical issues, my doctor and I agree that it would be best for me to have an oophorectomy — ovaries removed. My husband and I do not have any children, but we’ve already agreed we’d both rather adopt if/when the time comes that we want to grow our family. My mom, who has also been very supportive throughout this process, has volunteered to bring me to the surgery center the day of my appointment. The only thing that makes me nervous is going under anesthesia, but all of the nurses and the anesthesiologist are so friendly, and really help me to calm down. They even crack jokes with my mom during all of the pre-op prep. The time comes for them to wheel me back to surgery. I’ve already had my first dose of meds, so I am feeling pretty relaxed at this point.)

Mom: *getting one last joke in* “Well, there goes my chance of having any grandkids!”

Me: *so shocked, and loopy enough, that I sit straight up on the bed and shout* “She made it this far without saying that!”

(I’m told the nurses got a good laugh out of it.)

(I’m 20 and have just had an appendectomy, but I also went in hypokalemic, so before they discharge me they want to check my blood. This happens around six am, so I’m very sleepy. The phlebotomist looks like he is about 40 years old. I should also add I hate my blood getting drawn, and I am NOT a morning person.)

Phlebotomist: “Good morning! I’m here to draw your blood so we can check and make sure you’re good to go! Might I say, you are very pretty!”

Me: “Um… Okay?”

Phlebotomist: *turning to my mom* “Might I be able to take your daughter on a date when she is recovered?”

Mom: *stunned*

Phlebotomist: “Don’t worry; it’ll be after she is recovered. My wife divorced me a few years ago, and I think she—” *meaning me* “—would like me very much.”

Mom: *trying to be nice to the man with a needle in my arm* “Well, sir, we aren’t from this area. She just had emergency surgery, but we live somewhere else.”

Phlebotomist: “That is no problem. I can come visit when she is feeling better.”

(At this time, he is done drawing my blood, and stands there waiting for confirmation, never addressing what I think.)

Mom: “Sir, it’s very early, and I think my daughter would like to go back to sleep. I don’t think it’s going to happen.”

Phlebotomist: *to me* “What do you say? Would you like to go on a date?”

Me: “No. Bye.”

(Thankfully, I was discharged that morning.)

(A group of friends and I have been out drinking. Someone in the last pub becomes belligerent after the barman cuts him off. Things happen, and we end up in A&E after one friend — very drunk by this point — gets glassed in the face. As his boyfriend, I have the pleasure of sitting beside him while a nurse is stitching him up.)

Boyfriend: “Am I going to die?”

Nurse: “Yes.”

Boyfriend: “WHAT? OH, GOD!”

Me: “Is it that serious? Shouldn’t he be in surgery or something?”

Nurse: “What? Sorry, I have to concentrate. You wanted a drink, right? I could get you a glass of water.”

Me: “No, he asked if he was dying.”

Nurse: *looking mortified* “Oh, no. You can go after we’re done.”

Me & Boyfriend: “…”

(I am going through the screening questions before a surgery for which I will have to be anesthetized.)

Nurse: “Do you smoke?”

Me: “No.”

Nurse: “Do you drink alcohol?”

Me: “Occasionally.”

Nurse: “How often?”

Me: “Once or twice per month.”

Nurse: *skips the usual, “Is there any chance you could be pregnant?”* “Now, I don’t care if you are the Virgin Mary; we’re going to need a urine sample for a pregnancy test.”

Me: “Well, if I was the Virgin Mary, that would be super important, so fair enough.”