Customer: “This milk says it’s full fat, but it’s only 4% fat!”

Me: “Yes, sir, that’s the standard fat percentage of whole milk, which has the highest fat content of the milk that we sell.”

Customer: “But my wife told me to get full fat! Full! I can hear her now: ‘Where is the other 96%, Gerald?! You f***ed up again, Gerald!’ I need your 100% fat milk!”

Me: “Sir, a 100% fat milk wouldn’t be milk… It’d be fat.”

Customer: “Not according to my wife!”

I step to the other side of the aisle and grab an item for him.

Me: “Sir, here is some lard. It’s 100% fat. Good luck pouring that over your corn flakes.”

Pause.

Customer: “…that being said, my wife was never any good at maths.”

I work in the produce department, chopping fruit for takeout fruit portions and keeping the fruit displays stocked and looking neat.

Customer: “You! Pick me out your freshest watermelon.”

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am, what size are you looking for?”

Customer: “Are you deaf? I said your freshest.”

I go digging for the perfect watermelon, and I am pretty sure I find it.

Customer: “Are you joking? It has some dirt on it!”

Me: “After washing it at home, it’ll be fine.”

Customer: “No.”

I look for another one. Repeat this process four times. She goes to my manager and complains.

Customer: “He sucks at picking fruit! I don’t know why you hired someone so incompetent!”

I back off and watch as my manager picks the first watermelon I picked up and hands it to her.

Customer: “Finally! You should teach him a thing or two!”

I am working cutting produce at a grocery store. My hands start having a reaction to the gloves I am wearing. I am sent to the company’s doctor.

Doctor: “It isn’t an allergy; it’s just eczema.”

I go back with this diagnosis and am expected to get back to work.

Me: “Well, either way, I don’t want to continue working with these gloves. They’re causing such a bad rash on the back of my hands that they’re starting to crack and bleed.”

Manager: “Wear the gloves or go home.”

I went home

I tried asking the store manager to transfer me to a department that didn’t require gloves, like stocking or cash registers.

Store Manager: “No, we need you where you are.”

I quit on the spot.

I am cleaning up outside our grocery store after some rain. I see a woman fall in a puddle, and I rush over to her.

Me: “Are you okay? Do you want some help up?”

She angrily slaps my hand away as I reach out to help.

Customer: “NO! I WANT TO SIT HERE ALL F****** DAY!”

Before I can stop myself, I say:

Me: “Okay, let me know when you’re ready to get up.” 

And I walked away!

I work in the seafood department at a grocery store.

Customer: “Is this fresh?”

Me: “Ma’am, it was caught yesterday and flown in.”

Customer: “I want fresher.” 

Me: “The fact that we can get Alaskan salmon that fresh out here in the desert is nothing short of a miracle of technology. You want something fresher, move to the ocean.”