(I work at a location of a national chain of gas stations. This particular chain is very strict when it comes to cigarette and beer sales. No matter how old a customer appears, everybody in the party must show ID every time they purchase one of these products.)

Customer #1: “Hey, can I get a pack of [Cigarette Brand]?”

Me: “Sure. Can I see your ID?”

Customer #1: “Dude, I’m 30 years old, and I’m here almost every day. I didn’t bring my wallet.”

(The customer appears to be no older than 17. Currently, both corporate and the local police are running undercover checks to make sure we are verifying proof of age.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; it’s store policy. We need to ID everybody buying tobacco or alcohol.”

Customer #1: “[Coworker] sells me cigarettes all the time and never asks for my d*** license.”

Me: “[Coworker] doesn’t work here anymore. Do you know why?”

Customer #1: “…”

Me: “He sold without seeing an ID, and it turned out the customer was 15 and was sent here undercover by the cops. Both Binghamton Police as well [Gas Station] corporate are keeping an eye on us regularly, and I’m not risking my job over a pack of cigarettes.”

Customer #1: “So, you’re not going to sell to me?”

Me: “Not without your ID, no.”

(The customer starts rattling off expletives and walks out the door. A minute later, a car drives up to buy gas, and the original customer outside approaches the man before he comes inside. This happens in plain view of the front windows and is also caught on the security cameras.)

Customer #2: “Hi, can I get $20 of regular on pump one, and also a pack of [Same Cigarette Brand]?”

Me: “Sure, can I see your ID, please?”

(The customer shows their ID.)

Me: “Thanks for that. I do apologize, but I’m also going to need to ask your friend to come in and show his ID.”

Customer #2: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “He was in here not even two minutes ago trying to buy the same brand of cigarettes, but didn’t have ID.”

Customer #2: “He’s not with me.”

Me: “Then why did he hand you money before he came in?”

Customer #2: “…”

Me: “Sir, I could see it right from where I was standing behind the register. I also saw it clearly on the CCTV monitor.”

Customer #2: “They’re for me. Can you just sell me the d*** cigarettes?”

Me: “I have to assume you’re buying for him, and I am refusing the sale. I am now asking you to leave the store. If you insist on arguing with me, I’d be more than happy to call the police and let them handle this.”

Customer #2: “F*** you.”

(My boss and I had a good laugh about the story the next day.)

(Our particular chain of gas stations developed an app that, in addition to sending you discounts for certain items, allows you to “check in” whenever you are at one of their locations. After a certain number of “check-ins,” you get a code for $2 off a purchase of gas. It works via the GPS on your phone, so you don’t have to actually be AT the store to check in just nearby. Furthermore, while you can only use one discount per transaction, there is no limit to the number of discounted purchases you can make in a day, and no minimum purchase required. We have one customer who is some sort of delivery driver, just driving around all day. He comes in several times a day and asks for $2 in gas, presents his $2 discount code, and drives off with free gas. I ask him about it; he isn’t doing anything technically wrong, but I am curious. He says as he drives around, any time he passes one of our stores, he hits the check-in button, and racks up the $2 discount codes. When he has time to stop, he gets another free $2 worth of gas. This gets me thinking. I live pretty close to another of our stores. I discover I can “check in” from my living room. So, sitting at home at night, watching TV, I check in every 30 minutes or so. Next day, I stop and ask for $2 in gas, pump it, then go back in and ask for another $2, repeat, repeat… As long as they are separate transactions, I’m not breaking any rules. I admit, I am taking advantage of the poor design of the app; somebody didn’t think it through very well. One day I go into work and the manager approaches me.)

Manager: “Are you the one who’s been abusing the app?”

Me: “I’m not abusing it; I’m using the discounts it’s offering me.”

Manager: “Well, you’re not supposed to do that.”

Me: “Why not? The rules, restrictions, and limitations are clearly stated in the user agreement. I’m not violating a single one.”

Manager: “That’s just not how it’s supposed to work.”

Me: “Then the problem is with your app, not your customers.”

(It didn’t take long for the app to be changed to limit the number of discounts and frequency of use… and ultimately they scrapped the whole thing altogether. But at one point, I did go an entire month without paying for gas.)

(My town has recently enacted a carding regulation that requires everyone purchasing alcohol or tobacco products to have a valid picture ID. There is one customer in front of me and one behind me. The man behind me is dressed in his police uniform and his radio is occasionally crackling, making his presence very obvious.)

Customer #1: “I’d like to buy these cigars.”

Cashier: “Okay, I just need to see some ID.”

Customer #1: “They’re cigars; why do I need ID?”

Cashier: “We must card everyone who purchases tobacco products.”

Customer #1: “But I look over 18.”

Cashier: “Yes, but we must card everyone attempting to purchase alcohol or tobacco products.”

Customer #1: “That’s stupid. Cigars aren’t tobacco products.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but they are. Cigars contain tobacco, making them a tobacco product, and I must see a valid ID before I can sell them to you.”

Customer #1: “But they’re cigars. The tobacco doesn’t stay in them; you take it out and fill it with weed.”

Cashier: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer #1: “Not without my cigars.”

(This goes on for several minutes.)

Customer #2: “Sir, I suggest you leave before I decide you have given me probable cause to search your person.”

Customer #1: “Not until she sells me the cigars. I’m over 18, and I don’t want to smoke the tobacco, anyway.”

Me: “You realize it is still illegal in the state of Missouri to smoke marijuana, right?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, but that’s why you put them in cigars. The cops can’t figure it out.”

Me: “You’re kidding, right?” *I hook my thumb at the man behind me* “You just told everyone in the store you were going to empty them out and fill them with pot. That includes him.”

Customer #1: “Oh, here’s my ID.”

(He bought his cigars and walked out of the store. [Customer #2] put his purchases on the counter and followed him out. As I left, [Customer #1] was arguing with the police officer about the morality of marijuana being illegal.)

(I work night shifts at a service station. When a customer picks up a fuel hose to fuel up their car, it sets off an alarm inside that alerts the station attendant that the pump needs to be authorized. Fuel won’t pour until they do so, and the alarm won’t stop until it is either authorized or hung up. Unfortunately, a system error crashes one of the pumps with the alarm still going, so the entire pump has been turned off to shut it up until it can be fixed. Each nozzle on the pump has been covered with a bright orange out-of-order sign that must be removed before it can be used. I am in the cold room of the store stocking shelves when I hear thumping sounds and swearing, so I return to the front in time to see a man seemingly standing up from beside the non-functioning pump. There is no car, but I see he has a fuel can.)

Me: *over PA system* “Sorry, customer on pump seven! That one is currently out of order. I’ll just get you to move over to six and you’ll be all set.”

(The customer storms over to the night window, swearing loudly the whole while.)

Customer: “Oh, and you couldn’t d*** well tell me that ten minutes ago, you useless f****** w****r? What the f*** were you doing?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir.” *I explain the error, the pump alarm, etc.* “So, when you attempted to fill up, it wasn’t able to notify me, and since you walked in, I didn’t hear a car entering. Again, I’m extremely sorry about the wait. If you want to head over to one of the other pumps, I can get that started for you right away, and I can grab you a coffee card or free drink as an apology.”

Customer: *slightly mollified* “Well, you still should have had some kind of d*** sign out so tha—” *he gestures angrily at the pump, pausing as he notices the fluorescent orange hose-covers* “Huh.”

(He pauses for a moment, then turns back to me, looking absolutely mortified.)

Customer: “Look, I’m really sorry I went off like that. I messed up, and you’ve treated me a lot politer than I deserved. Don’t worry about fuel or a freebie. I’ll just go. Uh… Who… cleans out by the pumps and that here, by the way?”

Me: “The night staff do it, so that’ll be me just before I finish this morning. Why?”

Customer: “Oh, uh… Um, here.” *he shoves a $10 note into the cash slot and leaves hurriedly*

(Some time later:)

Another Customer: “Jesus, did somebody take a s*** over beside pump seven?”

(Sadly, the answer was yes.)

(I work the late shift at a gas station. It is about 12:30 at night when a man walks in with a child, about ten years old. He selects and brings a pack of beer to the counter.)

Me: “That’ll be $14.64, sir.”

(He pays and doesn’t make a scene. I figure that he is not going to be a problem. I hand him the beer, and he gives the pack to the child.)

Customer: “Here, [Kid]. You carry it.”

Me: “Sir, I cannot let your kid carry the beer out of the store. It is against the law.”

Customer: “Hey, f***a**, it’s my kid. I can do what I want with him.”

Me: “Sir, your kid is a minor. Once he is off the lot, he may carry it home, but it is against the law for a minor to carry beer on commercial property.”

(The child tries to hand the beer to his father.)

Customer: “No! He can carry the d*** case! He’s not the government’s kid! He can and will do what I say! What’s your f****** problem, d**khead?!”

Me: “Sir, you need to carry the beer out the door by yourself, or I will call the cops. Do you want to be arrested because you wouldn’t carry the beer?”

(He swears under his breath at me and snatches the beer from his child. He turns to leave, and as he reaches the door, he glares back at me.)

Customer: “I am never coming back here again. I hope you lose your job.”