Not Even Close, No Cigar

, , , , | Right | May 24, 2018

(My town has recently enacted a carding regulation that requires everyone purchasing alcohol or tobacco products to have a valid picture ID. There is one customer in front of me and one behind me. The man behind me is dressed in his police uniform and his radio is occasionally crackling, making his presence very obvious.)

Customer #1: “I’d like to buy these cigars.”

Cashier: “Okay, I just need to see some ID.”

Customer #1: “They’re cigars; why do I need ID?”

Cashier: “We must card everyone who purchases tobacco products.”

Customer #1: “But I look over 18.”

Cashier: “Yes, but we must card everyone attempting to purchase alcohol or tobacco products.”

Customer #1: “That’s stupid. Cigars aren’t tobacco products.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but they are. Cigars contain tobacco, making them a tobacco product, and I must see a valid ID before I can sell them to you.”

Customer #1: “But they’re cigars. The tobacco doesn’t stay in them; you take it out and fill it with weed.”

Cashier: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer #1: “Not without my cigars.”

(This goes on for several minutes.)

Customer #2: “Sir, I suggest you leave before I decide you have given me probable cause to search your person.”

Customer #1: “Not until she sells me the cigars. I’m over 18, and I don’t want to smoke the tobacco, anyway.”

Me: “You realize it is still illegal in the state of Missouri to smoke marijuana, right?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, but that’s why you put them in cigars. The cops can’t figure it out.”

Me: “You’re kidding, right?” *I hook my thumb at the man behind me* “You just told everyone in the store you were going to empty them out and fill them with pot. That includes him.”

Customer #1: “Oh, here’s my ID.”

(He bought his cigars and walked out of the store. [Customer #2] put his purchases on the counter and followed him out. As I left, [Customer #1] was arguing with the police officer about the morality of marijuana being illegal.)

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