(I’m a flight attendant doing my pre-takeoff check-in the cabin. A man stops me and gestures to the small digital camera sitting in the seat next to him.)

Passenger: “Is it okay if my camera is here for the flight?”

Me: “Sure, sir. That will be fine.”

Passenger: “But shouldn’t I put it in the overhead bin?”

Me: “It should be fine there, but if you’re worried about it falling on the floor during landing you could put it in the overhead bin.”

Passenger: “But after takeoff, won’t it start floating around the cabin?”

Me: “Well, sir, just hold on to it. Once we slingshot around the moon, it will be fine.”

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(It was literally three minutes before closing time, and someone called us.)

Drunk Customer: “Ehhhhhh hello?”

Me: “Sir, we are at closing time.”

Drunk Customer: “Oh… well, can I have a large cheese pizza and a cheeseburger?”

Me: “Sir, it is closing time. We’re done for the day. And we don’t serve burgers.”

Drunk Customer: “Okay, can you just… uuuhhhhh… make me a pizza really fast then?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re closing.”

Drunk Customer: “COME ON! IT’S 10 PM, I’M HUNGRY, AND ALL I WANT IS A PIZZA!”

Me: “Sir, it’s 10:01. We are closed.”

Drunk Customer: *unusually calm* “Okay… I’ll go to McDonald’s.”

Me: “Good night, sir.”

Drunk Customer: “Good night… I love you…” *hangs up*

(Quite frankly, it made my day.)

(I get a service call to go out to a customer’s house to service a malfunctioning laptop. I was talking to my boss and he gave me the rundown of the call.)

Me: “Alright, so what exactly does the customer want?”

Supervisor: “She says her laptop isn’t turning on, and there might be something wrong with her LCD screen.”

Me: “Okay, sounds like a hardware problem. Did she tell you why all this is going on?”

Supervisor: “Well… she was completely honest with me.”

Me: “…?”

Supervisor: “She got angry and threw it against a concrete wall in a fit of rage.”

Me: “…I’ll take care of it.”

(I work at a place that provides kayaks, hiking/climbing gear, canoes, and inner tubes for students at our university.)

Young Woman: “Hi, I need deodorant and a tampon.”

Me: “Um, we don’t have those here.”

Young Woman: “What do you mean?”

Me: “This is the Outdoor Center. We provide outdoor recreational equipment for students.”

Young Woman: “Well I’m a student, I’m outside, and I need deodorant and a tampon!”

(About this time my coworker looks up with a look on her face of WTF?!)

Me: “Yeah… those don’t come with kayaks or canoes.”

Young Woman: “They should!”

(I walk off to let my female coworker take over this one.)

Me: “[Pizza place], what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a large cheese pizza.”

Me: “Great. Anything else for you today?”

Customer: “Um… yeah. Could you undercook that? Most of the people eating the pizza don’t have teeth.”