(I am in the car with my mother and brother, and we stop by the drive-thru of a popular chain coffee and donut shop.)

Employee: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Mom: “Could I have a small white hot chocolate and a small plain hot chocolate, please?”

Employee: “Okay, so, two large hot chocolates?”

Mom: “No. A small white hot chocolate and a small plain hot chocolate.”

Employee: “So, a small white hot chocolate and a large plain hot chocolate?”

Mom: “No! A small white hot chocolate and a small plain hot chocolate.”

Employee: “Two small plain hot chocolates?”

Mom: “NO! A small white hot chocolate and a small plain hot chocolate, please!”

(Much to our alarm/amusement, the employee begins laughing!)

Employee: “Okay, a small white hot chocolate and a small plain hot chocolate?”

Mom: “YES. Thank you!”

(To this day I still have no idea what was going through that employee’s mind. I sure do know what was going through my mom’s!)

(My dad, brother, and I offer to pick up a quick dinner for my mom, who is home and has to go to work soon. My dad pulls up to the speaker of a fast food restaurant. My mom has a very severe milk allergy [not just lactose intolerance], so she only gets plain hamburgers, no cheese.)

Dad: *into the speaker* “Hi, can I get a #1 combo, just ketchup? And no cheese on the burger.”

Worker #1: “No problem. A hamburger combo, plain just ketchup?”

Dad: “Yes, and no cheese. My wife is allergic.”

Worker #1: “Okay. Your total is [total]. Please pull forward.”

(We get up to the window to pay, and [Worker #1] hands my dad the receipt. He double checks it and it says “#1 combo-ketchup and cheese”. He gets [Worker #1’s] attention.)

Dad: “The receipt says cheese on the burger. I need it to be plain with just ketchup.”

Worker #1: “Uh… yeah. It’ll be without cheese.” *slams window shut*

(When the worker returns, he gives us the bag. My dad pulls ahead a bit and asks my brother to check the sandwich. Sure enough, it has ketchup and what appears to be cheese that was hastily scraped off. No one is behind him, so he reverses back to the pick up window. [Worker #1] is speaking with someone at the speaker, so we wait. After taking the other order, he looks at my dad, rolls his eyes and ignores him. My dad takes the burger from the bag, and holds it out the window, waving it around. Finally [Worker #1] opens the window.)

Dad: “You said it wouldn’t have cheese, but this clearly has cheese you just scraped off.”

([Worker #1] takes the burger, throws it at an inside trash can, hard, and walks away without a word. After a moment, [Worker #2] comes back with a new burger.)

Worker #2: “Here you go, sir. Sorry about that. This one has no cheese.” *My dad starts to unwrap it to check.* “Oh, you don’t need to check, I made that myself. No cheese.”

Dad: “Yeah, that’s what the last guy said. My wife is extremely allergic to milk, so if this had cheese your restaurant would have a real problem on your hands.”

Worker #2: “Well, this one has no cheese. Good night.” *She shuts the window and walks away.*

(My dad is known to ask for a manager and rightfully complain when situations like this happen [and unfortunately these happen to him an a regular basis, and he is not one to suffer fools]. But because my mom was working soon he decided against it this time. Later, he did the customer survey explaining what happened, and was offered a free combo. His response to them: “I’ll vote for [despised president] before I eat at your restaurant again.”)

(I am serving a woman and I’m about to make her drink for her meal.)

Customer: “Please, can I just have a little bit of ice? I don’t like too much ice.”

Me: “Of course; I’ll just sprinkle a little in the bottom.”

Customer: “Oh no, I prefer me ice at the top of the cup; could you please put it there instead?”

Me: “Umm, sure, I think I can manage that…”

(I work at fast food place that is an independent building. We up-sell products like any business, but today we get some advice on exactly what we should be selling to customers.)

Customer: “Can you put salt and ketchup into the bag?”

Cashier: “Yes, of course.”

Customer: “Why would you say yes to that? You’re promoting unhealthy eating!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand.”

Customer: “You can’t be giving out salt! Salt will kill you! You should be offering pepper instead! This is ridiculous!”

Cashier: “…would you like pepper instead of salt, sir?”

(The customer scoffed and drove to the second window, continuing to rant about the negative effects of salt. Needless to say, he never clarified if he wanted pepper, so we put salt, per his request, in his bag.)

(A husband and wife pull up to the store in a large SUV. They order their food, and are very nice throughout the entire ordering process. However, after they pay, I make the dire mistake of bagging their items when I am informed their food is to go.)

Wife: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

Me: “…bagging your things?”

Wife: “BUT THAT’S PLASTIC!”

Me: “Yes?”

Wife: “NO! NO, NO, NO! NO PLASTIC! AUGH!”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry about that.”

Wife: “It’s just that plastic is TERRIBLE for the environment! I know it’s not your choice to use them; it’s the company’s, but it’s just so irresponsible! You’ve really upset me! I cannot believe you tried to give me PLASTIC!”

(As she continues to ramble about how she knows it’s not my fault we use plastic bags, but subtly hints that it actually is my fault, I recall the car she and her husband drove up in. I look out the window for a few long moments and eye her car before I look at her meaningfully.)

Me: “Is that your SUV? How many miles per gallon does that get?”

(The woman turned bright red, grabbed her food, and ran out. Her husband apologized to me about “all that” and gave me a tip before he left.)