Their Stupidity To Be Given No Quarter

| Working | July 9, 2017

(I’m at the Department of Motor Vehicles renewing my driver’s license when this occurs.)

DMV Employee #1: “Okay, so that’ll be $16, and you can pay by cash or check.”

(A door opens and a second DMV employee leans their head out.)

DMV Employee #2: “[DMV Employee #1], if I have 180 quarters, how many dollars is that?”

DMV Employee: #1: *speechless*

Me: *speechless*

DMV Employee #2: “I mean, like, do you times it by four?”

DMV Employee #1: *speechless*

Me: “45 dollars. It’s… 45 dollars.”

DMV Employee #2: “Oh, okay.” *exits*

Me: “Was that for real?”

DMV Employee #1: “Unfortunately… yes.”

Me: “Oh, jeez, I’m sorry.”

DMV Employee #1: “It’s even worse… That’s the manager!”

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Driving Himself To Jail

, , , , , | Right | June 17, 2017

(I am in line at the DMV getting my new tags for 2015.)

Customer: “I would like to renew my driver’s license, please.”

Lady: “Sure, just let me see your card.”

(The man hands her his license and she enters some numbers into the computer.)

Lady: “Sir, your license expired in 1998. Have you been driving with it since then?”

Customer: “Wait, they expire? I though you just had to get a new picture! Well, what are you going to do, arrest me?”

(A police officer steps out of line.)

Officer: “Yes, as a matter of fact, I will arrest you for driving without a valid license.”

(The officer arrested the man and took him off to his car and drove away.)

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Won’t Forgive You For A Hundred Years

| Related | March 13, 2017

(I overhear this story while waiting in line.)

Woman #1: “On Monday I dressed up my daughter for the 100th Day thing”

Woman #2: “Hundred Day?”

Woman #1: “Yes. It was the 100th day of the school year. They sent home a letter the week before explaining it. They were celebrating by having the kids bring in 100 of anything; pennies, candies, bits of cereal. You know, as a visual to see what 100 looks like.”

Woman #2: “I see. That’s cute.”

Woman #1: “And this year they were doing a parallel to 100 years because our town is 100 years old this year. Kids were encouraged to dress up as if they were 100 years old. So, I put her in a long dress with an apron, put her hair up in a bun, and gave her a bonnet. I even drew wrinkles on her face.”

Woman #2: “Oh that sounds adorable. I bet she was quite a hit. You are such a good mother.”

Woman #1: “Well, not so much. The 100th Day celebration was Tuesday.”

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An A-Moose-ing Interaction

, , | Right | October 31, 2016

(It is Halloween. My father and I want to get new licenses for the family car he is giving me. My father is wearing a moose costume and the lady at the desk is dressed as a devil. I do not wear a costume.)

Lady: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Father: “Hi, we would like to get new plates for her.”

Lady: “Very well. *to me* “Here are the forms to fill.” *to my father* “Are you a moose or a deer?”

Father: “Wait, let me check…” *he places his hands around his mouth in a cup position* “MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

(The lady, I, and the whole waiting area where people are sitting, have eyes wide open and dropped jaws.)

Father: “Yep, I believe I am a moose!”

Supervisor: *coming over* “[Lady], is everything okay?”

Lady: *cracking up laughing* “I believe a moose sang me a love song.”

Supervisor: “Did you moose-sing back to him?”

Me: *face-palm*

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Stuck In The Middle

, , , , | Working | March 1, 2016

(I’m getting my first driver’s license at 16. My mom sends me in with the required stuff — birth certificate, social security card, etc. — and waits in the car for me. I have an unusual middle name, with a small difference between it and something more traditional, like “Kinderly” instead of “Kimberly.”)

Employee: “Number 26!”

Me: *approaches counter with form filled out, which I pass to the employee. All my documentation is in a folder I am holding* “I’m here to get my first driver’s license.”

Employee: *looks over form, pushes it back to me* “You spelled your name wrong. You need to redo this.”

Me: *shocked pause* “…I’m sorry. What?”

Employee: “Right here. Your middle name. That should be an ‘m’, not an ‘n’.”

Me: “…No, it’s correct. My middle name is spelled with an ‘n’.”

Employee: “No, it’s not.”

Me: *completely unsure how to respond to that* “Uh… but… it is, thou—”

Employee: *interrupting* “Go get a new form and stop wasting my time!” *shoves form back across the counter at me* “Number 27!”

(In a daze, I walk out to the car and explain what happened to my mom. She’s FURIOUS. She takes my form and folder of paperwork, marches up to the counter, and interrupts the employee with the next customer. Luckily, the customer sees how pissed she is and just steps aside.)

Mom: “Did you tell my daughter that she spelled HER OWN NAME incorrectly on this form?!”

Employee: *stone-faced* “Yes. Because she did. That should be an ‘m’, not an ‘n’.”

Mom: *whips out the copy of my birth certificate & social security card in the folder* “So, I guess these are wrong too, then?!”

Employee: *glances at the certificate and card* “Yep.”

(I see the customer we interrupted stifle a giggle. My mother looks like her head is about to explode.)

Mom: *pulls it together enough to manage a very tight…* “Manager. Now.”

Employee: *rolls her eyes and hollers for a manager*

(The manager comes over, and my mom relays the story. The manager looks completely baffled.)

Manager: “Did you seriously tell this girl she doesn’t know how to spell her own name?”

Employee: “It’s supposed to be with an ‘m’!”

(I never put my middle name on forms anymore – just the first initial, just in case.)

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