Out Of State, Out Of Mind

| NJ, USA | Working | October 7, 2015

(I am working in NJ. I have just bought a used car for my fiancé’, who lives in IN. This is a Monday, she’s due to arrive that Friday, and will be driving it back that weekend. I am at the NJ DMV to get a transport tag, so she can drive it legally back to IN and then get an IN plate. The clerk has just passed the tag to me, and I’m reading it to make sure it is what I want. It specifically states that it is valid in the state of NJ, the other 49 states, D.C., and Puerto Rico for 10 days from the date of issue.)

Me: “Great, that’s what I want. She’ll be able to drive the car home on Sunday and get her IN tag on Monday.”

Clerk: “So the car will be here until Sunday?”

Me: “Yes.”

Clerk: “That’s illegal. You have to leave NJ today. If the car is still in NJ after midnight tonight it will be impounded for not having valid registration.”

Me: “But it says right here that it is valid in NJ for 10 days from the date of issue.”

(This goes back and forth a couple of times, but she refuses to believe that the text on the tag is correct, and keeps insisting that I MUST get the car out of NJ that day, and if I’m not going to do that, she can’t sell me the tag.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got a friend in Philly.” *which I actually do* “I guess I’ll take it to his place, and she can take it from there.”

(The clerk sold me the tag, and I kept the car in NJ until my fiance’ left with it the following Sunday.)

I Pretend To Work If You Pretend To Pay Me

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Right | May 6, 2015

Customer: “My taxes pay your salary so you are paid to take my crap.”

Me: “First of all, sir, until it says ‘Sanitation Dept’ on my paycheck I’m not paid to take anyone’s crap.”

Customer: “Well, my taxes pay your salary.”

(I lay a printout of his registration fees in front of him.)

Me: “You see that $32 fee? That fee is what pays my salary. I’ve only been working here for six months. Since you haven’t paid any registration fees for the past three years you haven’t paid any part of my salary.”

(After a couple of minutes of whining he finally pays the all the fees to bring his registration current.)

Me: *as I hand him his sticker and registration* “Thank you, sir… Now that that is cleared up… How about giving me a raise?”

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Vote In A Coffee Break

| IN, USA | Working | March 17, 2015

(I recently moved and am getting a new driver’s license. As proof of my new address, I have a bill and my voter registration card.)

Worker: “All right. Here are your documents back. Would you like to register to vote while you’re here?”

Me: “No, thanks. I’m already registered.”

Worker: “Are you sure you’re registered in the right county? You might need to update your information.”

Me: “Um, I just used my voter registration card as proof of my new address. I think it’s updated.”

Worker: *pauses and laughs* “Oh, wow! I think it’s time for me to take a coffee break.”

Two Thumbs Up

| Houston, TX, USA | Right | July 21, 2014

(I have gone to the DMV to get a Texas driver’s license. They have an electronic fingerprinting machine that has a digital display to tell you what fingers go where and when. The woman helping me and I have the following conversation:)

Employee: “Please put your four left fingers on the screen.”

(I do so, and while she’s typing, the digital display changes to show me what fingers to use next. I move my fingers to mirror the display.)

Employee: “But— what? Did you just change that on your own?”

Me: “Yes? The pictures changed to the next step.”

Employee: “But people never follow the directions. They never do it on their own.”

(Then, after she takes my picture:)

Employee: “Here, you can see what your picture is going to look like, since you can follow directions. Let me know if you want me to retake it.”

(Best DMV experience ever!)

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Happily Single Minded

| Sewell, NJ, USA | Right | February 20, 2014

(While working at the DMV, I overhear the following conversation between a mother and her teenage daughter applying for her driver’s license.)

Daughter: “My birth certificate asks if I’m single?”

Mother: *reads birth certificate*

Daughter: “Why is it asking if I’m single?”

Mother: “Seriously? Think about it.”

Daughter: *after pausing for a few moments in deep thought* “Oh, right. I guess there’s arranged marriages.”

Mother: “… It means you weren’t born a twin.”

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