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Vote In A Coffee Break

| Working | March 17, 2015

(I recently moved and am getting a new driver’s license. As proof of my new address, I have a bill and my voter registration card.)

Worker: “All right. Here are your documents back. Would you like to register to vote while you’re here?”

Me: “No, thanks. I’m already registered.”

Worker: “Are you sure you’re registered in the right county? You might need to update your information.”

Me: “Um, I just used my voter registration card as proof of my new address. I think it’s updated.”

Worker: *pauses and laughs* “Oh, wow! I think it’s time for me to take a coffee break.”

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Two Thumbs Up

| Right | July 21, 2014

(I have gone to the DMV to get a Texas driver’s license. They have an electronic fingerprinting machine that has a digital display to tell you what fingers go where and when. The woman helping me and I have the following conversation:)

Employee: “Please put your four left fingers on the screen.”

(I do so, and while she’s typing, the digital display changes to show me what fingers to use next. I move my fingers to mirror the display.)

Employee: “But— what? Did you just change that on your own?”

Me: “Yes? The pictures changed to the next step.”

Employee: “But people never follow the directions. They never do it on their own.”

(Then, after she takes my picture:)

Employee: “Here, you can see what your picture is going to look like, since you can follow directions. Let me know if you want me to retake it.”

(Best DMV experience ever!)

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Happily Single Minded

| Right | February 20, 2014

(While working at the DMV, I overhear the following conversation between a mother and her teenage daughter applying for her driver’s license.)

Daughter: “My birth certificate asks if I’m single?”

Mother: *reads birth certificate*

Daughter: “Why is it asking if I’m single?”

Mother: “Seriously? Think about it.”

Daughter: *after pausing for a few moments in deep thought* “Oh, right. I guess there’s arranged marriages.”

Mother: “… It means you weren’t born a twin.”

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An Inappropriate Touchdown

| Right | January 7, 2014

(I’m ordering a personalized plate for the customer. I ask the customer what he wants on the license plate.)

Customer: “I’m a Colts fan. What about COLTFAN?”

Me: “I’ll check… Seems to be taken.”

Customer: “Hmm… What about CLTFAN?”

Me: *blushing* “Well, I don’t think that’s appropriate.”

Customer: “What? Oh! Um, just a regular plate. Sorry about that.”

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You Can Harley Believe It

| Working | August 22, 2013

(I’m trying to renew my license at the DMV, and I’m at the last window that I have to go to. Over the last few hours, I’ve waited in many lines, had my picture taken, and passed the written exam. I am not trying to get a motorcycle endorsement, just a normal license.)

Employee: “You have most of the necessary documents, but I don’t see the exam for your motorcycle endorsement.”

Me: “What motorcycle endorsement?”

Employee: “Oh, and it seems you haven’t taken the motorcycle driving test either. You’ll have to schedule that and come back another day.”

Me: “But I—”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but we can’t just give you a motorcycle endorsement if you haven’t passed the test.”

Me: “I don’t want a motorcycle endorsement.”

Employee: “That doesn’t matter. You still have to take the test.”

Me: “I just want a normal license. I don’t have a motorcycle.”

Employee: “Ma’am, I understand, but you have to take the test if you want a motorcycle endorsement.”

Me: “I don’t want one.”

(The manager walks up.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Employee: “She wants me to give her a motorcycle endorsement without taking the test.”

Me: “No, I’m just trying to renew my license. My normal license that has nothing to do with motorcycles.”

Manager: *to employee* “None of these documents say anything about a motorcycle. Why are you processing this as a motorcycle endorsement?”

Employee: “I thought it—”

Manager: “Never mind, just go help someone at the next window. I’ll take care of this.”

(Luckily, that means processing everything in a few minutes and giving me my temporary license.)

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