All Noisy In Joisey

, | PA, USA | Learning | November 16, 2015

(I work aftercare at a school catering to children between two and six. I’m currently sitting with a three-year-old who is stringing beads.)

Three-Year-Old: “Are you going to be here on Wednesday?”

Me: “Next Wednesday?”

Three-Year-Old: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well, it’s my spring break, so I’m going to be in New Jersey.”

Three-Year-Old: *aghast* “Wait, why are you going to New Jersey?”

Me: “Because that’s where my home is.”

Three-Year-Old: “…Oh.”


Three-Year-Old: “…Can you speak New Jersey?”

Total Blockheads

| Denver, CO, USA | Learning | September 17, 2015

(I catch a group of four-year-old boys throwing blocks, something they know is not allowed.)

Me: “[Boy #1], [Boy #2], knock that off! We don’t throw blocks; you know better.”

Boy #1: “We weren’t throwing blocks, miss.”

Me: “Yes, you were. I saw you doing it.”

Boy #2: “…Well, I didn’t see me doing it!”

Won’t Miss This Goodbye

| AB, Canada | Working | September 8, 2015

(I am working at a daycare for my summer job when I’m fifteen. One of the boys in the pre-school room is autistic and he usually doesn’t express much emotion. On his last day, he walks up to me.)

Child: “I’m leaving.” *pause, hugs me* “I don’t want to miss you!” *crying*

(He melted my heart that day.)

He’ll Grow Into It

| NC, USA | Friendly | August 21, 2015

(I’m talking to one of my favorite kids. He was adopted and so was I, so we’ve always gotten along really well. He’s known to say hilarious things.)

Boy: “How old are you?”

Me: “I’ll be 18 next week.”

Boy: “How old are you REALLY?”

Me: “17. But I’ll be an adult next time you see me.”

Boy: *eyes bug out* “18 is a grown up?”

Me: “Yep!”

Boy: “You’re killing me!”

Me: “Why is that?”

Boy: “Because you’ll be OLD!”

Unfair Daycare

, | Richmond, VA, USA | Right | August 12, 2015

(I work at a gym daycare. We have a very strict policy that we cannot watch a child for more than three hours per day. Also, parents MUST be in the building while we are watching their children. A man (who was wearing no workout clothing) walks in with his two daughters.)

Customer: “Hi, this is my first time dropping my kids off here. Do I need to sign anything?”

Me: “Yes, sir, just sign here!”

(I hand him a “first time” liability waiver and he glances over it.)

Customer: “Three hours? That’s it?”

Me: “Uh, yes, sir… we aren’t allowed to watch children for more than three hours per day.”

Customer: “Well, all right, I guess.” *signs waiver*

Me: “Okay, you’re all set; have a good workout, sir!”

(He walks out. Our gym is quite large so I assumed he brought workout clothes and planned on changing. Three hours go by and he’s yet to pick up his daughters. After multiple announcements over the PA system I decide to investigate. Turns out he’s nowhere to be found in the entire gym. The gym manager pulls up his contact information and calls him.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Manager: “Hi, is this Mr. [Customer]?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Manager: “This is [Gym] and we have your daughters… It’s been well over three hours and you aren’t allowed to leave the building if your children are in daycare.”

Customer: “But… I’m at work right now. I don’t get off for another five hours. You’re going to have to watch them until I’m off work.”

Manager: “Sir, we are not a daycare. We are a fitness club. We can only watch your children if you’re in the building working out.”

Customer: “Then why do you call it a daycare?! I can’t just leave work right now!”

Manager: “Sir, if you don’t come get your children we will have no choice but to call the police.”

Customer: “What? You can’t do that! I signed a form saying I could keep my children there!”

Manager: “That’s correct; the form you signed specifically mentions that guardians are not allowed to leave the building or keep their children here for more than three hours.”

Customer: “All right, fine!”

(He hung up. Twenty minutes later he came and picked up his daughters. My manager informed him that he was no longer allowed to keep his children in our care, and he subsequently cancelled his gym membership.)

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