I work in a key cutting shop. Since keys are just about the only product we sell, we have to charge more for a key than other places that do key cutting as a side service.

This also means we do it better; unlike the other places that just carry the eighty most popular blank keys, we carry about two thousand. We also have both the experience and training to get it right the first time, unlike the other places that just don’t care. To us, this justifies the higher price.

Customer: “Can you make this key? I’ve been everywhere and no one can do it.”

Me: *Looking at the key* “Oh, sure, they are $1.99 each.”

Customer: “What?! What a rip-off. All the other places only charge about $1.50.”

Me: “Then why didn’t you get it made there?”

Customer: “Because as I told you, no one else can make it.”

Me: “Fair enough, for $1.50 we can’t make it, either.”

Customer: “Just make the d*** key.”

When I am about seven, I go to a diner with my family. I only recently realized I like fried eggs, so I decide to order some.

Waitress: “How would you like those done?”

Me: *Clueless* “Medium rare?”

I work in a fast food sandwich shop. A couple with their autistic son are some of our favorite regular guests. Their son is very sweet but loves to wander the dining area telling people what the names of things are.

I’m doing a quick dining room clean-up when a customer flags me over.

Customer: “Why do you let people like that in here? That is a menace!”

It fills my heart and soul with pride to say…

Me: “Ma’am, that is Mr. and Mrs. [Regulars’ Last Name] and their son, [Son]. They are regular guests of our establishment and a welcome part of our family.”

She curses at me.

Me: “Thank you.”

The beauty and ugliness of humanity never cease to amaze me. I choose to be blessed.

I’m in line to check out when I see a man cut in the line a couple of lanes over.

Customer Behind Him: “Hey, the line’s—”

The impatient man throws his hands up and bellows in the guy’s face.

Impatient Man: “I don’t have time to wait! I’m too important to wait like a poor.”

Yes, he uses “poor” as a noun. The cashier looks like they want to say something, but the man talks over them.

Impatient Man: “Just hurry up and check me out. Can you manage that? I’ve got more important places to be.”

He’s still shouting, and several people have turned to look at that point. I see a manager striding up, and I’m hoping he will get thrown out, but no luck.

Manager: “Sir, you’re causing a scene. Please calm down.”

Impatient Man: “I’m causing a scene?! I’m not causing nothing. I just need my stuff and I’ll go. I’m too important to wait. I can buy and sell all of you!”

While they argue back and forth, the cashier apparently finishes scanning whatever he had, and he goes to pay. After a moment, the manager speaks up in a voice that’s just a bit louder and seems pitched to carry.

Manager: “I’m so sorry, sir, but that card is declined. Do have a different card?”

The man tries three different cards, or maybe the same card three times, with the manager announcing that it’s declined each time.

Manager: “Do you have cash? You don’t even have twenty dollars to cover this?”

I admit, I stuck around after finishing checking out just to see what happened. The man ultimately did not get his stuff, instead leaving with his head hanging just a bit. I’m guessing he was embarrassed to have it revealed that he was, in fact, “a poor.”

We are a specialty component store. People come to us because they can’t find what they need at the big box stores and websites. We’re not usually the cheapest out there, but for most of our customers, that doesn’t matter because we actually HAVE the impossible-to-find object they’re looking for.

Customer: “I’m looking for [specific hydraulic component]. You got anything like that?”

Me: *Searches* “Actually, yes, we have that exact model.”

I list off some specs to make sure it matches.

Me: “That’s $453.75.”

Customer: “Ouch, that’s pretty expensive. Do you have anything cheaper?”

Me: “I can check what we have that might function similarly that’s cheaper. What can you use that’s different?”

Customer: “The price. A lower price.”

Me: “Sorry, I meant what specs can change for you and still be usable?”

Customer: “I want the exact same thing but cheaper.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “If you’d like to buy this exact component, then it will cost $453.75. We do not sell a version that will meet all these exact specifications for a cheaper price.”

Customer: “Why not?”

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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