(I am a cashier and usually have no one to help me bag groceries. I scan as quickly as I can and then bag as they are paying. Sometimes this causes a bit of a line, and I don’t have a backup cashier, so I bag as quickly as possible, as well, grouping boxes and cans, produce and bread, etc. I’m helping an older woman while a line forms behind her. After exchanging pleasantries, I finish scanning and begin to bag while she pays.)

Me: “Your total comes to [total].”

Customer: *scans card*

(I begin to bag, placing a small box with some canned vegetables. Suddenly, the customer starts yelling.)

Customer: “Are you trying to kill me?!”

Me: *confused* “I’m sorry, ma’am, could you explain?”

Customer: *grabs the bag I had just filled* “You put this rat poison in with my canned goods!”

Me: “I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention to the boxes when I put them in. Let me rebag that for you!”

Customer: *calming down* “Jesus. Kids these days. Didn’t you learn anything in Bag Boy School?!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s no such thing as Bag Boy School. Once again, I’m very sorry and have sorted out the issue.”

Customer: “That’s the problem with all you kids today!” *grabs bag and leaves the store in a huff*

(There is a drive-thru window at the fast food restaurant where I work, and while I am assigned to drive-thru, a very large group of children and their parents come in on their way to a soccer game. There are two people working the dining room line, and I am in charge of the orders at the drive-thru. I never ignore a customer, but I try not to make eye contact with the customers at the front if I am getting food for the drive-thru, so they know someone else will help them in a minute. However, if they talk to me, I let them know the situation.)

Customer: *at front* “Excuse me?”

Me: “Hello, sir! I’m sorry, I am currently in charge of the drive-thru, but [Coworker] or [Other Coworker] will be with you in just one moment!”

Customer: “No, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. You need to ignore the drive-thru until you’re done helping us.”

(There are about thirty people in the store, and it will take a while to get them all situated; all the while, my drive-thru is also very busy.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “We’re part of a soccer team, and we are on our way to a game. We’re in a big hurry! If you could just please ignore the drive-thru for a while, it’s very important that you help all the people I’m with!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but drive-thru customers are just as important as customers that are inside the restaurant. I can’t just leave them waiting while I help you, especially because I am currently the employee in charge of the drive-thru.”

Customer: “But I don’t understand. Why can’t you just stop working on the drive-thru and come take my order? We are in a very big hurry!”

(At this exact moment, my drive-thru indicator rings, telling me that a person is at the sign, ready to order.)

Me: *to the front customer* “[Coworker] or [Other Coworker] will be with you as soon as they can! I hope you have a great day!”

Customer: “Wait! Come back! I want a—”

(When he finally was done ordering with my coworker, he tried to complain that I wasn’t doing my job right. They weren’t able to explain it to him, either.)

(I am assisting a customer over the phone for an order that was damaged during shipping.)

Customer: “I tried to email you at the email address on your packaging, and it bounced back. That’s poor customer service!”

Me: “I am very sorry. What was the email address you were sending to, so we can resolve that?”

Customer: “Www-dot-[Company]-dot-com-slash-save20.”

Me: *head-desk*

(I did try to explain the difference between an email address and a website, but I don’t think she ever really got it. I had to keep apologizing for the bounced-back email.)

Customer: “Can I use this coupon?”

Cashier: “No, it’s expired.”

Customer: “That was a rhetorical question. I’d like to use this coupon.”

Cashier: “It’s expired.”

Customer: “Well, what does that mean?”

Cashier: “It means I can’t accept this coupon.”

Customer: “And why not?”

Cashier: “Well, for one thing, we don’t have the item it’s discounting anymore.”

Customer: “What?”

Cashier: “It’s not on the menu.”

Customer: “But you could still make it.”

Cashier: “No.”

Customer: “Well, can I use this for something else?”

Cashier: “No.”

Customer: “Ask your manager.”

Cashier: “It’s expired.”

Customer: “You don’t know that. Ask your manager.”

Cashier: “There’s an expiration date printed in the corner.”

Customer: “You haven’t even asked.”

Cashier: *to the manager* “Got a second?”

Manager: *to the cashier* “I don’t. Hang on.”

Customer: *to both* “I’ll wait.”

(He waits. The cashier waits. Everyone in line waits.)

Manager: “Okay, how can I help?”

Customer: “What can I use this coupon for?”

Manager: “Nothing. That coupon is expired.”

Customer: “But you don’t have this item.”

Manager: “Good point. It’s expired and we don’t have that item.”

Customer: “So, can I use it for something else?”

Manager: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Manager: “The coupon’s for that. And it’s no good anymore.”

Customer: “Can I use it for this menu item?”

Manager: “You can’t use it at all.”

Customer: “Well, what about this one?”

Manager: “You can’t use an expired coupon.”

Customer: “Call the owner.”

Manager: “I am the owner.”

Customer: “Call the real owner.”

Manager: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The corporate owner. Call the CEO.”

(If this case doesn’t make it to the Supreme Court, I’m going to be severely disappointed.)

(I work in a little information booth on a university campus, distributing information on everything from buses to professor’s office phone numbers. It’s a very early Monday morning, which means my brain hasn’t been fully engaged yet.)

Customer: “Hey, I need to get to the corner of [Street #1] and [Street #2]. Which bus should I take and when does it leave?”

Me: “Well, you can take the A or the P; both leave every half hour, so the next one would be at 10:30. They pretty much take the same route up until those streets so either one would work.”

Customer: “Okay, so if I take the A at 10:30, will it get there before the one leaving at 11:00?”

Me: *thinking I’ve just misheard or am still a bit dull from getting up so early* “Um… Well, as I said, both buses take about the same route to get to those streets, so either will work.”

Customer: *in a patronizing tone* “Just listen to me, okay? I just want to know if the A leaving at 10:30 will get there before the one leaving at 11:00?”

Me: “Yes, the one leaving earlier will get there earlier.”

Customer: *happily* “Thanks!”