(I’m the supervisor in a retail copy center. I am notified that someone has filed a complaint.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. I’m sorry to hear you were dissatisfied with our services. Can I ask what happened?”

Customer: “Well, I asked for your clerk to cut my wedding invitations, and she cut them all wrong! We had to fix everything ourselves!”

Me: “My apologies! When was this order placed?”

Customer: “Oh, a couple of weeks ago.”

Me: “We would have been happy to fix the cuts for you free of charge, ma’am. Did you inspect the invitations before you paid for them?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did you contact the store once you got home and realized you didn’t like the way they were cut?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I don’t have any record of this order. Do you know which associate it was that completed your order for you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you still have the invitations?”

Customer: “No, we sent them out already! After we had to spend hours fixing them! I want to know how you’re going to make this right!”

Me: “Well, I can offer a refund. Do you have your receipt so I can refund your purchase total?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m afraid there’s not much I can do without any of those things.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to talk to your manager!”

(I was only too happy to oblige!)

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 43
Refunder Blunder, Part 42
Refunder Blunder, Part 41

(It’s early morning on my birthday. My coworkers have decorated my cubicle and brought me gifts. I’m feeling chipper and optimistic. I take my first call.)

Me: “[Business], this is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, is your shampoo color-safe?”

Me: “Yes. In fact, it contains ingredients that are intended to help protect and preserve the life of your color.”

Customer: “But it contains sulfates, which cause fading.”

Me: “Our cleansers do contain sulfates, which have been used in shampoos widely and safely for decades. It will not fade your color. Our Anti-Color-Fade complex also helps with that.”

Customer: “But you just said there were ingredients that helped preserve your color. What are they?”

Me: “There are botanicals and our Anti-Color-Fade Complex in the shampoo, which help protect artificial color in the hair.”

Customer: “You’re not listening to me. I said, ‘What ingredients protect color?’. You’re not making yourself sound very credible, [My Name].”

(Shampoo ingredients are almost exclusively chemical, and have names that I, let alone a customer, wouldn’t understand. Every other customer I’ve ever spoken to has found my previous answer sufficient, so this accusation catches me off guard.)

Me: “Umm… I don’t know the exact ingredients. They have chemical names.”

Customer: “So, you won’t tell me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t tell you because I don’t know.”

Customer: “Well, you know what, [My Name]? I think you need an attitude adjustment. You’ve been very snotty with me. I asked a simple question you are obviously too lazy or stupid to answer. I am a paying customer of your products, and I don’t need this behavior from you!”

(Looking around at my birthday presents and smiling coworkers, I just sort of break down.)

Me: “You know what? I don’t need it from you, either!”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(I have just enough breath to tell my supervisor what happened before bursting into tears.)

Supervisor: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “That last girl I spoke to was so rude! I don’t know if she’s on drugs or if she’s just a brat, but she clearly isn’t suited to be answering customer questions! She needs to get off the phone and come back once she learns some manners!”

Supervisor: “Ma’am, I overheard your conversation and [My Name] was more than polite and helpful, right up until you personally attacked her. You should also know she is my friendliest employee, and you were her first call of the day, which happens to be her birthday. Now, would you like me to answer your original question, or would you like to berate me, as well?”

(The customer sheepishly repeated her question, my supervisor answered her in the exact same manner I did, and the customer hung up without saying thank you!)

(I am a cashier and usually have no one to help me bag groceries. I scan as quickly as I can and then bag as they are paying. Sometimes this causes a bit of a line, and I don’t have a backup cashier, so I bag as quickly as possible, as well, grouping boxes and cans, produce and bread, etc. I’m helping an older woman while a line forms behind her. After exchanging pleasantries, I finish scanning and begin to bag while she pays.)

Me: “Your total comes to [total].”

Customer: *scans card*

(I begin to bag, placing a small box with some canned vegetables. Suddenly, the customer starts yelling.)

Customer: “Are you trying to kill me?!”

Me: *confused* “I’m sorry, ma’am, could you explain?”

Customer: *grabs the bag I had just filled* “You put this rat poison in with my canned goods!”

Me: “I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention to the boxes when I put them in. Let me rebag that for you!”

Customer: *calming down* “Jesus. Kids these days. Didn’t you learn anything in Bag Boy School?!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s no such thing as Bag Boy School. Once again, I’m very sorry and have sorted out the issue.”

Customer: “That’s the problem with all you kids today!” *grabs bag and leaves the store in a huff*

(There is a drive-thru window at the fast food restaurant where I work, and while I am assigned to drive-thru, a very large group of children and their parents come in on their way to a soccer game. There are two people working the dining room line, and I am in charge of the orders at the drive-thru. I never ignore a customer, but I try not to make eye contact with the customers at the front if I am getting food for the drive-thru, so they know someone else will help them in a minute. However, if they talk to me, I let them know the situation.)

Customer: *at front* “Excuse me?”

Me: “Hello, sir! I’m sorry, I am currently in charge of the drive-thru, but [Coworker] or [Other Coworker] will be with you in just one moment!”

Customer: “No, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. You need to ignore the drive-thru until you’re done helping us.”

(There are about thirty people in the store, and it will take a while to get them all situated; all the while, my drive-thru is also very busy.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “We’re part of a soccer team, and we are on our way to a game. We’re in a big hurry! If you could just please ignore the drive-thru for a while, it’s very important that you help all the people I’m with!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but drive-thru customers are just as important as customers that are inside the restaurant. I can’t just leave them waiting while I help you, especially because I am currently the employee in charge of the drive-thru.”

Customer: “But I don’t understand. Why can’t you just stop working on the drive-thru and come take my order? We are in a very big hurry!”

(At this exact moment, my drive-thru indicator rings, telling me that a person is at the sign, ready to order.)

Me: *to the front customer* “[Coworker] or [Other Coworker] will be with you as soon as they can! I hope you have a great day!”

Customer: “Wait! Come back! I want a—”

(When he finally was done ordering with my coworker, he tried to complain that I wasn’t doing my job right. They weren’t able to explain it to him, either.)

(I am assisting a customer over the phone for an order that was damaged during shipping.)

Customer: “I tried to email you at the email address on your packaging, and it bounced back. That’s poor customer service!”

Me: “I am very sorry. What was the email address you were sending to, so we can resolve that?”

Customer: “Www-dot-[Company]-dot-com-slash-save20.”

Me: *head-desk*

(I did try to explain the difference between an email address and a website, but I don’t think she ever really got it. I had to keep apologizing for the bounced-back email.)