(I come out of a shop and load the things I bought into my car, only to find out it won’t start. After doing some quick troubleshooting, it turns out that the battery’s voltage has dropped below the safe limit, and therefore the immobilizer prevents me from starting the engine to prevent any further damage to the car’s electronics. My car insurance company provides free roadside assistance and towing in such cases, so I give them a call. It’s pouring rain, and the car is in an open parking lot.)

Company Rep: “[Company]. How may I assist you?”

Me: *briefly explains problem and gives address*

Company Rep: “Sure, we can assist you. Just so you know, our protocol is to send you a technician first, and only if he fails to start your car, we’ll send out a tow truck.”

Me: “That would be a waste of time. It’s not simply a dead battery. Even if your guy charges it, the car’s computer still needs to be reset in order for the immobilizer to allow me to try and start it, and even if that works, the voltage may drop again before I can get to the repair shop. Also, have you noticed the weather we’re having? I can’t imagine any work, even diagnostics, being done in the open right now.”

Company Rep: “I still have to send the tech first. I’m sure it’s just a dead battery, and even if not, he’s equipped with all the means needed.”

(I had to wait almost three hours for the man to arrive, and when he did show up, all he had was a spare battery to charge mine — not even a laptop to connect to the car’s computer. By the time he concluded it was not helping, it was too late to have the car towed to the shop, as it was nearing its closing time. I had to ditch the car and walk home in the pouring rain.)

(I am 19 and have bought a truck that is about ten years old. It looks bad on the outside, but I know it is sound mechanically. I take my mother with me to pick it up. On the way home, she insists on taking it to a national chain oil change store where she will pay to have it done, even though I already know my way around cars, and have done major engine work on previous vehicles I have owned. I think she just doesn’t want to take the chance I will spill oil on her new driveway. While in the waiting room, the mechanic comes up to us.)

Mechanic: “Okay, I am very glad you brought this in. It is in bad shape. It is not safe to drive.”

(My mother is visibly upset.)

Me: “Excuse me. What are you talking about? It is fine mechanically.”

Mechanic: “Listen, son. I know my business.” *he turns to my mother* “This thing is a death trap. I am surprised it even got here without crashing. The front end is totally shot. Your steering—”

Me: “Hold on. I do know quite a bit about cars. I have been working on them with my father since I was old enough to hold a wrench, and there is nothing wrong with the front end. It drives just fine.”

Mechanic: *ignores me and continues talking to my mother* “Listen. If you want to endanger your son’s life, you go right ahead and listen to him. I can give you a great deal and redo the front end for around $700. Be a mother and protect your son.”

(At this point, I about lose it. My mother is about to do it when I tell her they are lying. I tell the mechanic the car is in my name and I refuse to allow them to do any work on it. We pay for the oil change and leave. My mother is terribly upset, so I drive out of my way to a mechanic’s shop that is owned by a man I know my mother would trust. I do not tell him about what we were told, but ask him to do a quick check on the lift.)

Friend: “Oh, man. You got a good deal on this. She looks great underneath the hood.”

Me: “How about the front end?”

Friend: “Oh, it looks great. I can tell it was rebuilt less than three or four months ago. You really did good with this.”

(The other business closed within a year as their reputation quickly spread through the town for being dishonest and continually — accidentally, of course — leaving the oil caps off the engines after oil changes. You would think a national chain would be smarter and more careful in who they hire. Guess not.)

(I manage an auto shop, which is basically a quick lube. A customer I’ve never had before comes in for an oil change. All goes well until I give him the bill.)

Customer: “Why did you change the oil filter?”

Me: “We always change the oil filter when we do oil changes.”

Customer: “Mine doesn’t need it.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “My [Car Brand] has a special filter which never needs changing; you shouldn’t have changed it. It just cost me extra money.”

Me: *pause* “I’ve never heard of an oil filter which doesn’t need changing. The oil filter takes impurities out of the oil so they don’t harm the engine. If you don’t change the filter, it’s eventually going to get clogged, and you won’t have good oil flow. Plus, it can’t do its job removing impurities from the oil. If you don’t change the filter, it’s almost as bad as not changing the oil.”

Customer: “Well, when I had my oil changed at [less than reputable Competitor], they told me that I didn’t need a filter because [Car Brand] uses a special lifetime oil filter which never needs changing.”

Me: “Honestly, this is the first I’ve ever heard of a special lifetime oil filter. The filter I replaced was a standard [Filter Brand] filter, and I replaced it with filters designed for your vehicle. See? Look.” *I show him the filter application book* “Right here, it has your vehicle listed and the number of the filter I put in, which this book says is the proper replacement filter. If it had a special lifetime filter, it wouldn’t have a number, and would likely have, ‘NS,’ listed there for, ‘Not Serviceable.’ If your car didn’t require a new filter every time, they wouldn’t make filters for it.”

Customer: “I still think it was a waste, and you’re just trying to get money out of me. I’m going to go ahead and pay for it, but I’m not satisfied.”

(Note: The customer’s cost of the filter is around $5.)

Me: “I can assure you that I’m not trying to rip you off, and you should always replace your oil filter. But just in case [Car Brand] came out with something new that I’m not aware of, I’m going to do some research and find out if they do, indeed, have a special new oil filter. The one I took out looked the same as the one I installed.”

(The customer paid and left, and I searched the Internet for a special [Car Brand] lifetime oil filter. Finding nothing, I called the nearest [Car Brand] dealer’s service department and explained the situation to the manager. He assured me that [Car Brand] oil filters need to be replaced just like any other vehicle, and they don’t have a special lifetime oil filter. Turns out the other auto shop which changed his oil previously didn’t have that particular filter in stock, so they lied to him about it needing to be changed, and he believed them instead of me. What my dad always says is true: a dishonest auto shop will make trouble for all the honest ones around it.)

(I work for a warehouse that delivers car parts to repair shops around town. Shortly after my lunch break, I am asked by my manager to make a delivery to a customer that is known for ordering wrong parts, and for treating our employees poorly.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name]. Can you pull these parts and take them to [Customer]?”

Me: “Yeah, no problem.”

(I pull the two parts off of the shelf and drive down the street to deliver them at the customer’s repair shop.)

Me: “Hello. How are you doing today?”

Customer: *looks at me angrily but gives no response*

Me: “Where would you like me to put these parts?”

Customer: “Put them by the d*** truck they were ordered for!”

Me: “No problem. Could you please sign for the parts? Then, I will be on my way.”

(The customer signs for the parts, and I go back to the warehouse.)

Manager: “[My Name], I need you to take this order to [Customer], ASAP.”

Me: “I just took those parts there five minutes ago.”

Manager: “I know you did, but the wrong parts were in the boxes.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll take the correct parts there now.”

(I pull the parts off of the shelf and double check that the correct parts are in the boxes before driving to [Customer].)

Me: “Hello. Here are the correct parts. I am sorry that I brought the wrong ones the first time.”

(The customer opens the box and puts the cracked part off of the truck next to it. It is clearly twice the size of the new part.)

Customer: “Does that look like the right f****** part to you?”

Me: “No, sir, it does not; however, that is the part that you ordered. The number on the box and the part match the order slip. Maybe the wrong part was ordered?”

Customer: “I didn’t order the wrong f****** part; you just don’t know how to read numbers.” *snatches order slip from my hand and compares it to the box and part*

Me: *tired of getting yelled at for doing my job correctly* “You can look at it all you want; the numbers match. Those are the correct parts you have ordered twice now. If you would like me to take them back as returns, I can.”

Customer: “Take your d*** parts. I didn’t f*** up anything. I’m going to call [Manager] and tell him how poorly you have treated a customer.”

(I get in my car and call [Manager] to tell him what happened, and that he should expect a call from [Customer] very soon. When I get back to the warehouse:)

Me: “So, [Manager], what did [Customer] have to say about me?”

Manager: “They said you are the worst employee we have and to never send you there again. After talking with them, we came to the conclusion that we do not carry the part they wanted and they ordered wrong twice.”

(Right then another order comes off the printer to go to [Customer].)

Manager: “Here you go, [My Name]. Make sure to have a nice s***-eating grin when you walk in.”

(I live in Germany. We have a loyal customer base who always come to us when their American-made motorcycles have any kind of trouble. Some of them think we are omnipotent and can solve any problem over the phone.)

Customer: “My bike is making some strange noise.”

Me: “What kind of noise?”

(Usually I would expect a description of the sound and the general area it comes from on the bike. Instead, I hear the bike start up and the customer revving the engine several times while holding the phone close to it.)

Customer: “Now you heard it. What do you think is wrong?”

(I had to patiently explain that I need to have the bike in the shop to check it out instead of giving him a diagnosis over the phone.)