The Matrix Rejected

, , , | Right | June 24, 2008

(I used to work in a shop selling overpriced family coat of arms in a shop at a certain theme park in Florida. After a transaction has gone through, this customer turns to her daughter.)

Customer: “Was that lucky?”

Oracle Child: *stares blankly*

Customer: “Was it unlucky to buy it using that card?”

Oracle Child: “Yes…”

Customer: “You sure it was unlucky?”

Oracle Child: “Yes.”

Customer: “I have to cancel that purchase and use a different card.”

Coworker: “It’s already gone through.”

Customer: “This is [Theme Park]!”

(My coworker had to oblige the customer and handed her the forms to cancel it. Stupidly, she refused to sign the forms and stormed out with her husband and Oracle Child in tow.)

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The Land Of The Free To Be Who You Are

| Right | July 13, 2015

(Because of the recent ruling of same-sex marriage in America, for our book display, we put up a rainbow flag along with books featuring gay protagonists. This happens on the day we have story time.)

Woman: *angrily* “Excuse me!”

Coworker: “Yes, can I help you?

Woman: *points to our display* “I can’t believe you put something like this up! There are CHILDREN around!”

(Our display shows no p*rnographic material. My coworker, who is bi-sexual, is stunned into silence and is unable to say anything. This is when I step in.)

Me: “Oh, my gosh, ma’am, you’re right! How can I be so inconsiderate?”

Woman: *smiles smugly*

Me: *I grab one of the books on display and swap it out with a children’s book featuring gay parents* “There! Now there’s something for everyone!”

(The woman didn’t understand for a few seconds. When she realized what the book was about, she sneered and muttered about going to a different library. She left and my coworker was laughing so hard, tears were streaming down her face.)

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His Race Card Has Expired

| Working | October 20, 2015

(I’m working at a pub near to my home over the summer holidays. Against the odds, I ended up having to serve my former childhood bully the previous day. The next day I am called into the office by the manager.)

Manager: “I’ve had a very serious complaint about you. I feel like I know you, so I thought I’d ask for your side of the story before it goes anywhere. A customer yesterday alleges you racially abused him.”

(It takes a moment for me to put the pieces together.)

Me: “Would the complaint be from [Bully], by any chance?”

Manager: “Err…”

Me: “He tried to get me thrown out of school, too. And my brother thrown out of scouts. He’s got a few issues.”

Manager: “Umm…”

Me: “Would a character witness help?”

(I go down to the bar, where a former classmate is working. While my manager is out of sight but within earshot I ask:)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], remember [Bully]?”

Coworker: “Oh, that little s***? Threw a chair at you, slammed a window on your head, then claimed racism when you complained to the teacher?”

Me: “That’s the one.” *I turn to the still-hidden manager* “That wasn’t even the worst of it.”

Manager: “Enough said. If he comes back, tell him to get lost.”

(I love my manager.)

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Owning A Pet Is Having A Ball

, , , | Right | December 29, 2010

(Customer comes in to buy some more mice because hers aren’t breeding.)

Customer: “How do you tell if the mice are male or female?”

Me: “Well, the easiest way to tell is the males have quite prominent testicles.”

Customer: “I didn’t know mice had testicles!”

Me: “That’s probably why your mice aren’t breeding.”

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An Act Of Kindness Fit For The Movies

, , , , , | Right | March 23, 2016

(I am seasonal associate around Christmas time. An elderly customer is purchasing items at my register.)

Customer: *hands me a DVD* “Do you know if [Movie] is any good?”

Me: “Well, I have heard great things, but sadly I haven’t seen it.”

Customer: “Why not? A young guy like you doesn’t go to the movies with his girlfriend?”

Me: “My boyfriend used to take me to the movies all the time, then we broke up and I just haven’t been able to afford to go to the movies. I’m saving my money for Christmas presents for the family. Alright, sir, your total today is [total]; will that be cash, debit, or credit?”

Customer: “Oh, I see… debit please.”

(Because the customer never says a word to me when I tell him I’m gay, I think he might just be someone who thinks that it is wrong. He pays, walks off, and five minutes later comes back with another shopping bag and hands it to me.)

Customer: “Merry Christmas.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Merry Christmas; you are probably one of the kindest cashiers that I have met. Merry Christmas, and I hope your soulmate sweeps you off of your feet.”

(After the customer left, I opened the bag and there were a bunch of new release DVDs in the bag, with the receipt as a proof that they were paid for. I asked my manager what to do and she told me to keep them. I still have them, and I watch them every Christmas!)


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