One Dangerously Pressurized Coffee, Coming Up

, , | Right | June 14, 2008

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Can I get a 16 oz. coffee in a 12 oz. cup?”

Me: “No. We can’t do that here.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? They do this for me every time I come here!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no way we can put 16 oz. of coffee in a 12 oz. cup.”

Customer: “Yes, you can! You’ve always done it!”

(The customer’s friend was standing next to her at the time.)

Customer’s friend: “Um, I think you meant a 12 oz. coffee in a 16 oz. cup.”

Customer: “… ooooh. Yeah, that’s what I meant!”

Me: *facepalm*

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The Faux-teen Of Youth

| Right | September 19, 2012

(Working in a liquor store one night, a male who looks about 16 enters the store. Please note: this happened in 2009.)

Customer: *places beers on the counter* “Hi, I’ll just have these, thanks, and a bottle of rum.”

Me: “Uh, sure mate. I’ll need to see some ID first.”

(The customer produces ID, and it looks real—his photo on it, holograms where they should be—but one thing stands out: his DOB says he was born in 1929.)

Me: “So. 1929 huh? You sure don’t look 80 to me.”

Customer: “I’m over 18 though, aren’t I?”

Me: “I think you better get out of my store before I call the cops, Gramps.”

(The kid left the beer on the counter and ran off. He also left his ID, which I kept to show off to my friends. We all had a good laugh about it!)

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Those Silly Colonies And Their Quaint Rebellion

, , , | Right | July 7, 2008

(We have a lot of patriotic displays up in the store windows for the 4th of July: flags, red white and blue balloons, Uncle Sam hats, etc.)

Old Lady #1: “Wow, look at all of these! It’s Christmas in July.”

Old Lady #2: “I love it when they do this. I love crazy things like Christmas in July!”


This story is part of our July 4th roundup!

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Prank Calls Of Urban Legend

| Right | January 19, 2015

(I’ve taken a lot of weird calls over the years and have looked up a lot of strange books and have always maintained a level of professionalism, but this almost broke me.)

Customer: *older male voice, with a slightly southern accent* “I’m a disabled veteran and need help getting some books.”

Me: “Okay, what are you looking for?”

Customer: “Well, I really like… uh… stuff with ‘urban’ women in them.”

Me: “Ooooookaaay. Um, we’ve got an urban fiction section.”

Customer: “Oh, good. See, I’m a disabled veteran, and I can’t move around that well, so would you pick some out for me?”

Me: *getting progressively more uncomfortable* “Well, I…”

Customer: “I like the urban books because I like black women. I like the way they smell.”

Me: “…uh.”

Customer: *breaks into laughter* “Sorry, [My Name], I’m just f***in’ with you. That was great though, you were serious the whole time!”

Me: “I hate you.”

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Refunder Blunder, Part 10

| Right | March 26, 2015

(The store opens five minutes early and a customer comes in specially to make a return.)

Customer: “I was hoping to exchange these chips and get a different flavour.”

Supervisor: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Supervisor: “Well, these are still well before their expiry date…”

(She looks at the second bag.)

Supervisor: “Oh, this is a flavour we don’t carry.”

Customer: “I’m just hoping to exchange them.”

Supervisor: “I understand that, but we don’t carry this product.”

Customer: “All I want to do is exchange these chips for another flavour in the same brand.”

Supervisor: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re not even really supposed to do returns without a receipt, and I can say quite confidently that you didn’t buy them here.”

Customer: “I KNOW I didn’t buy them here, but I don’t understand why I can’t return them here.”

Supervisor: “You don’t understand why I won’t return something we don’t sell?”

Customer: “…I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

 

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