(A very busty, bubbly young woman comes in to buy a pre-owned copy of Resident Evil 4.)

Woman: “My stupid ex-boyfriend took all my games when he moved out! He doesn’t even like Resident Evil!”

Me: “Wow, that sucks.”

Woman: “It’s fine. I hooked up with his brother. I don’t start s***, I end it. Mess with my games and it is ON.”

Me: *laughing*

(I ended up giving her a discount.)

(I’m at the movie theater with my parents. Before the previews start, an employee comes to the front of the theater to make a customary speech.)

Employee: “…and please turn off all cell phones and vibrators.”

(There’s a pause before a few chuckles from the audience break out.)

Employee: *laughs* “I know what I said! Enjoy your movie!”

Me: *to my parents* “I didn’t realize this was that kind of theater!”

(I am a minor, but I love answering the phone in my house, and therefore often talk with many telemarketers. This one, though, takes the cake for the strangest call.)

Caller: “Yes, this is [Caller’s Name] from [Home Security Company]. I’d just like to ask a few questions about your home to get a better understanding of the systems that are or should be used in your area. Are you over eighteen years of age?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I didn’t catch that. Are you over eighteen years of age?”

Me: *loudly and clearly* “NO.”

Caller: *still not understanding* “Alright, and what has your economic situation been in the past month?”

Me: “Well, my allowance went up five dollars!”

(There is an annual bar crawl. The street is almost literally filled with people who can’t even stand. I am a customer waiting in line.)

Drunk Girl: “There… should be… more…”

(She is digging through her purse for cash.)

Drunk Girl: “Um…”

(The drunk girl hands the cashier her lighter and other various objects as she digs through her purse.)

Drunk Girl: “How much more do you need?”

Cashier: “$8.56.”

Drunk Girl: “Randy?”

(She starts looking around for her boyfriend, who has wandered off. Then she looks at me.)

Drunk Girl: “You’re not Randy… but can I owe you $8.56?”

(The cashier gives me a look of desperation. Seeing as this has been taking quite a long time, and I feel bad for the cashier, I take out my card to pay.)

Me: “Sure, add it together with my stuff.”

Drunk Girl: “Thank you!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

(The drunk girl proceeds to just walk out of the store without her purse or groceries.)

Cashier & Me: “Miss! Your purse!”

(The cashier and I exchange looks.)

Me: “Good luck tonight.”

Cashier: “Thanks!”

(I’m picking up lunch for my daughter and myself on the way home from running errands. The employee who has taken my order has been very polite and my order is correct. However, I notice there is standing water on the counter. Not just a wet counter: I mean puddles of water. After bagging my food in a paper bag, she proceeds to set it down in the large puddle for me to take.)

Me: “Could I possibly get a plastic bag?”

Employee: *wrinkles her nose* “Why?”

Me: “Well, two reasons. One, it’s easier for me to carry something with a handle. Two, the bottom of the bag is wet and I don’t want it ripping and spilling my food out before I get home.”

(She looks at the bag, and sees the water that’s already soaked at least two inches up the bag.)

Employee: “How did you get it wet?”

Me: “I didn’t; the counter is soaked.”

Employee: *hysterical* “What did you do?! What did you do to this counter?!”

(As she goes to inspect the cardboard holder that contains the drinks to go with my order, even though neither were water, the manager comes over and literally shoves her out of sight.)

Manager: “I am so sorry about that. Let me get you a bag.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Manager: “Sometimes, I wish we had to issue IQ tests to hire people…”