Bigotry Has It’s Uses

| Friendly | March 11, 2014

(I am at the movie theater with my best friend of 12 years. We are both girls. We usually like to sit in the back row but as usual it’s quite filled. We enlist the help of our usual plan to clear out the back row.)

Me: “[Best Friend], why do we always sit in the back at movies?”

Best Friend: “Don’t you remember, [My Name]? It’s so we can make out.” *puts her arm around my shoulder*

(Most of the older adults in the row clear out, leaving only a few teenagers and way more than enough seats for us to sit next to each other.)

Me: “It’s actually pretty sad that saying something like that can clear out an entire row.”

Best Friend: “Yeah, the adults here are pretty closed minded, but, hey, we have the back row mostly to ourselves now!”

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Self-Fulfilling Jealousy

, | Friendly | March 10, 2014

(I’m sharing a dorm room with a friend from high school who has always been a bit of a drama queen. Most recently, she’s decided that I hate her boyfriend. This is despite my repeated assurances that I actually think her boyfriend is a pretty cool guy. The following conversation takes place just after her again mentioning my non-existent hatred of her boyfriend. At this point in my life, I’ve never dated/had a boyfriend, and I’m a little down.)

Roomie: “What’s up?”

Me: “I don’t know. I guess talking about boyfriend stuff has me a little upset.”

Roomie: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, you know how I’ve never had one? Is there just something wrong with me? Something repellent to guys?”

Roomie: *nodding wisely* “So that’s what it is! That’s why you don’t like [Boyfriend]! My mom said it was probably because you were jealous because I always have guys hanging around me.”

Me: *stunned silence*

Roomie: “Don’t worry. I can find someone who will like you.”

(And, indeed, this incident was immediately followed by several weeks of her trying to hook me up with a guy that later got kicked out of school for sexual harassment. Thanks, bud!)

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Is That A Truck You’re Driving Or Are You Just Pleased To See Me?

| Friendly | March 10, 2014

(My ex-boyfriend is a truck driver. We are still in the same social circles and still see each other occasionally. I am hanging out with the gang, watching a football game. The ex is there, along with one of the guys, who’s a firefighter. It’s worth noting that I’m generally fairly quiet and reserved and not prone to outlandish comments in public. I’m chatting with the firefighter.)

Firefighter: “It’s awesome to be driving a 30,000 pound vehicle and watch traffic on [heavily congested major surface street] just part ways for you.”

Ex-boyfriend: *hearing only part of the comment* “30,000 pounds! That’s nothing. My truck is 80,000 pounds!”

Firefighter: “Yeah, well that’s just one truck! [Specialty truck] weighs 100,000 pounds!”

Ex-boyfriend: “Of course, I can get permits for oversize/overweight and go up to 120,000 pounds.”

(This continues to escalate with each man naming various specialty vehicles and special circumstances that would cause the trucks to weigh more and more. I listen, somewhat bemused for several minutes, then get a little tired of it.)

Me: “Okay, boys, just drop your pants. Let me compare.”

(Both men stare, slack jawed.)

Bartender: “D***, [My Name] I never realized you had that in you!”

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You Shall Not Pass… Your OWLS

| Friendly | March 10, 2014

(My friend avoids geek culture like the plague. We’re at a movie when a trailer for the new ‘Hobbit’ movie plays.)

Friend: *after seeing Ian McKellen on the screen as Gandalf* “Hey, it’s Dumbledore!”

Me: “No, that’s not Dumbledore. That’s Gandalf.”

Friend: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Pretty sure…”

Friend: “Oh, well then he should have been Dumbledore.”

Me: *sigh* “You know, he really should have been…”

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A Picture Of Disrespect

| Friendly | March 9, 2014

(I am walking into town with my three children and we see an elderly woman on a mobility scooter. We move out of the way politely, and smile. She just glares. About an hour later on our way back home, we see her again, and once again, I make sure we are all out of the way so she enough room to get by.)

Me: *smiling* “Good afternoon.”

Lady: *glares back* “Why don’t you just take a picture, you nosy cow!

(So much for trying to teach my kids manners, when other people treat us like rubbish!)

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