(My college has vending machines all over. Having forgotten my lunch, and the food there being rather expensive, I decide to buy a bag of chips before my last class of the day. However, when I try to get a bag of cheese puffs, the bag has gotten stuck. Since I get my refund back, and I REALLY wanted cheese puffs, I put my money back in, and try again… with the same result. A couple other students have noticed and watched.)

Student: “Oh, bad luck! Are you going to try again?”

Me: *putting the change back in the machine* “Might as well.”

(Once again, the cheese puffs ALMOST fall, but still stay. At this point, there are three bags there that are on the verge of falling.)

Other Student: “Man, I’m invested in this! Just one more time ought to do it!”

(I put my coins in once again, and finally all three bags fell out. The other students cheer.)

Me: “Hey, you guys want some?”

Student: “Sure, why not?”

Other Student: “Yeah! Man, you made my day!”

(I gave them the other bags, and took the last one over to my corner. Guys, I’m so glad you were so happy over my vending adventures. You made me happy, too.)

(My friend and I (both female) have just gotten back from a reasonably famous, local metal band’s gig. My friend, who is a big fan of this band, was amongst the small audience. Meanwhile, I was working backstage as I have close relations to one of the band’s members. We drive back to my place.)

Friend: “Wow, I can’t believe I finally saw [Band] in person!”

Me: “I know, their music is awesome! Who’s your favourite member?”

Friend: “Definitely [Bass Guitar Player]! He’s hot!”

Me: “You do know he’s 17 years older than us?”

Friend: “Who cares?”

(From this moment, she talked about the band for a few minutes, highlighting her favourite features of each member without letting me get a word in. Suddenly, the bass player walks into my room.)

Friend: *jaw drops*

Bass Player: “Thanks for your help tonight, [My Name]. Are you available to help out next time?”

Me: “Sure!” *to friend* “As I was trying to tell you, [Bass Player]’s MY UNCLE!”

Bass Player: *laughs, and leaves the room*

(Before she left, I explained to her that, as the band was on tour, they were staying with my parents and me for a few nights. Eventually, she asked them for their autographs. The band and I had a good laugh about it when she left.)

(We have just come out of a restaurant and are headed for the car.)

Driver: “Okay, it looks like the place closes at 11 and it’s 10:45 now. We can make it but we need to go now. Hop in.”

(Passenger #1 opens the door and helps Passenger #2 into the car. While holding the door, Passenger #1 looks into the darkness around the lot.)

Passenger #1: “Oooh, kitty!”

Driver: “No! Do not get distracted by the kitty.”

Passenger #2: *climbing back out of the car* “Kitty?”

Passenger #1: *pointing* “Kitty!”

Passenger #2: “Oooh, kitty!”

(The guy I’m dating and I are cuddling in his bed after a long day, waiting for some of his friends to come over and game. Both of us are half asleep when his roommate opens the door and drops a large stuffed dragon on us yelling:)

Roommate: “Random encounter.”

(He then closed the door and went about his business.)

(Five of us are eating dinner in the dining hall, having various conversations at once. Friend #1 is a biology major, and I overhear her conversation mid-sentence.)

Friend #1: “…and I’ll clean my intestines.”

Me: “Well, I hope your intestines are clean!”

Friend #1: “Don’t worry, they’re fine.”

Friend #2: “I hate cleaning my intestines.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s a whole-day ordeal.”

Friend #1: “And so messy!”

Me: “Especially the large one.”

Friend #2: “And I hate shopping for soap.”

Me: “You need to find an extra-gentle brand.”

Friend #1: “So hard to find one that doesn’t cause an allergic reaction.”

Friend #2: “And then they have a men’s section and a women’s section, and they’re the same soap but the women’s is pink so it’s five dollars more…”

Friend #1: “I just use the men’s soap. No one will know.”

Me: “If they can tell, then they’re too close!”

Friend #2: “Yeah, it’s kind of a private thing. Like you can be married and not let your husband see until you’ve been together for ten years.”

Me: “I’ve been married for thirty and he hasn’t seen me clean my intestines.”

Friend #2: “That’s understandable. It’s very personal.”

Me: “I can’t wait to have a child so I can teach her how to clean her intestines. We’ll use lamb intestines for practice.”

Friend #2: “Yeah, start them off early so they’re used to how intestines look.”

Friend #1: “And smell.”

Me: “…I’m going to go put this on NotAlwaysFriendly.”