Putting A Name To The Face Of Offensiveness

| Friendly | March 14, 2014

(A friend is moving to the area. She has been out house hunting with my partner for the day. I am at home having a sewing bee with about ten local woman. They walk into the lounge room.)

Me: “Hi, [Friend]. Would you like me to introduce everyone?”

Friend: “Why? Will I need to know their names?”

Me: “… Not anymore.”

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Hate Before Hymns

| Friendly | March 14, 2014

(I’m in my late 20s at a Mass largely attended by college students and retirees. Before the first hymn, we’re supposed to stand and greet each other; typically just a hello. The woman beside me looks to be in her 60s.)

Older Woman: *turning to greet me* “My! You have the most beautiful skin.”

Me: “Oh, thank you—”

Older Woman: “If I were younger I’d hate you.”

(Thank goodness the song started, because I had no idea what to say to that!)

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A Mother Lode Of Irresponsibility

| Friendly | March 13, 2014

Me: “Soooooo, I have something to tell you guys!”

Friend #1 & #2: “ARE YOU PREGNANT?!”

Me: “… I am holding a half-drunk glass of wine. So, no.”

Friend #1: “Oh, right.”

Friend #2: “Well, maybe you just weren’t planning on being a very responsible mom!”

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Save That Idea For ‘Sharknado 3’…

| Friendly | March 13, 2014

(I overhear two mid-40s women talking.)

Stranger: “Are there wild cows? Like, can you go into the forests and hunt them like sharks?”

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Getting Pretty Upset

| Friendly | March 13, 2014

(I am a sophomore in high school, and currently walking to school. I am waiting for the green to cross the street when I see a very disheveled woman storming her way towards me.)

Upset Woman: *midway through a rant* “—that’s how it was when I was beautiful!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What? I didn’t catch that.”

Upset Woman: “Of course you didn’t! You NEVER catch how fleeting your beauty is! You think you’re just a smoking little pistol, don’t you?!”

(The green signals me to cross the street. I start walking, but the woman follows me, still in her conversation at me.)

Me: “Not really. I’m just walking—”

Upset Woman: “Well, I used to be beautiful, too! That was before THIS!”

(The woman pulls down the top of her blouse, revealing most of her cleavage. It is aged, but beyond that I’m just shocked that this woman is flashing me.)

Upset Woman: “Now no one will love me! I’m hideous! Damaged goods! If we both fell down a long flight of stairs and ended up HORRIBLY MANGLED, you know who they’d save?”

Me: *trying to avoid the conversation* “I don’t think that’s likely to happen.”

Upset Woman: “They’d save you! Because cops only rescue the pretty ones, leave the worthless garbage in the dark where it belongs!”

(She rants on like this for a few more blocks, and eventually she turns down a different street. Thankfully I never saw her again! Yikes!)

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