I work in a restaurant in a historic quarter with wooden buildings on the west coast of Norway. The place is a cultural heritage site, and a part of my job is to know the history of the building and the area to give a special experience to the guests. We often get tourists as guests in the summer months.

It’s right after opening, before the large cruise boat rush, and I’m alone on the floor. In walks a mousy, middle-aged woman with a fanny pack. She looks around with eyes like saucers and murmurs exclamations like “Whoa!” and “Wow!” Her accent is American. Curious, I ask:

Me: “Welcome! Can I help you?”

Woman: *Ignoring me* “Oh, my God! Oh, my god!“

Me: “…um?”

Woman: “Oh, my god! Oh… Oh, my God! Is it all real?!“

Me: “I…”

Woman: “Is it all real?!“

She looks directly at me now, while before she was gawking at the ceiling. I’m utterly bewildered and wonder if she’s crazy or high.

Me: “…yes?”

Woman: “No, all this!” *Gestures wildly* “Is it all real?! It’s all for the tourists, right?”

Suddenly, it dawns on me. She thinks the building and the area are fake — props or replicas. I am dumbfounded.

Me: “Oh… oh! No! This is a very old building. The building itself is from 1702, built after the city fire, but the area, structure, and some buildings are from the Middle Ages. It’s all real.”

The woman was literally speechless and just looked at me with wonder. I went on telling her more of the history, how the building was used, where the indoor well and old hearth were, etc., and ended up giving her a nice experience. She didn’t buy anything, but I didn’t mind since it was a slow morning anyway. As she left, I was still wondering: did she think we would fake our history? For the sake of tourism? How would that even work?

Dear readers,

Not everyone loves roller-coasters, but here at Not Always Right we do! You could say we even got our start with them, thanks to our very first story! The ride operators have to handle the long lines, impatient customers, and most importantly, ensure everyone’s safety! Sadly, not every theme park guest understands that, so here are 23 stories from our archives with more ups and downs and loop-the-loops than Disney’s finest! 🎢

Survival Is Optional – They’re not even optional in cars!

Canada: America’s Hat, Part 6 – “I’m an American, d*** it!”

A Measure Of Common Sense – Sometimes we have to speak out when others are unable to.

(more…)

(I am a costumed actor that doubles as a spotter for our park mascot. As such, I can talk; he can’t. This is one of the funnier interactions we’ve had. A toddler, around three or so, comes up with his mother. He’s more interested in running around than meeting us characters. We get a few photos, and he starts to take off, just as [Character] goes in for a fist bump.)

Mother: “[Child], look! [Character] is fisting you!”

Me: *shocked* “Uh…”

(I’m thinking, “Did she really just say that?!”)

Mother: “Look, [Child]! [Character] Is fisting you!”

(Our character actor is barely holding it together; I can see him shaking with laughter. Barely holding it together myself, I do my best pearl-clutch.)

Me: “Madam! It’s fist bump! Fist bump!“

Mother: *turning about three shades of red* “Oh, my God! What did I say?!”

(She hurries out with her very happy, oblivious child. A few people behind her snicker. Doing my best to stay in character, I turn to [Character], who is holding his sides.)

Me: “Oh, [Character], I do believe that it’s time for your break!”

([Character] salutes, gives a few more high-fives, and practically RUNS to our dressing area. I follow, and we dissolve into guffaws for our entire ten-minute break.)

(Having a young child we have struggled to find a place we can all enjoy that doesn’t cost the earth. We put some money aside and eventually find a place that looks good. Knowing how badly toddlers are catered for I send an email over to their customer care team.)

Me: “I was interested in your [Location] site, and wondered what activities there was available for a family of a three-year-old. We hope to attend on [Day].”

Representative: “Dear [Name spelt wrong], we have lots of activities for all ages. On that site their is a soft-play centre, a young theme park, and shows running all day featuring all children’s favourites.”

Me: “That’s great. I just want to make sure as there is no info on your website. This will all be fine for a three-year-old?”

Representative: “I can confirm that this will be suitable.”

(The day comes around quickly. We drive the long drive there and pay the quite expensive day pass ticket price. First stop is the soft-play area that is overrun with much older children. Next, the theme park with all the rides for five and over, adults not being allowed to accompany. Feeling slightly cheated, we make a move over to the “all day live shows” to find that they were never planned to be shown on that day. We head over to the customer care to explain and ask for a refund.)

Support Desk: “You can still go to the swimming pool.”

Me: “We have a day pass; we can’t spend eight hours in the swimming pool!”

Support Desk: “Er… there’s the park.”

Me: “So your best suggestion is to walk around a field for eight hours? I think I would prefer my money back, please.”

(Eventually, and after two managers, we got it back.)

Tourist: “Lady, how about we make a deal? I wanna buy this bottle from you.”

Me: “Oh, sorry. We only have four of the blue ones and they’re not for sale.”

Tourist: “So you’re telling me I can’t buy this?”

Me: “Yes… I know it’s a nice bottle, but we do need it for the water.”

Tourist: “Lady, I don’t think you understand what I’m getting at.”

(The tourist pulls a wad of US money from his wallet.)

Tourist: “I got REAL money here!”

This story is part of the More Clueless Tourists roundup!

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