I work part time in a hardware store whilst at university. I get a lot of weird customers who don’t believe me (either because I’m young, or because I’m a girl, usually) or who are generally a bit odd, but they’re usually not too bad. This takes place at around five minutes before closing (note: we chain the stairs to the upstairs showroom around 10-15 minutes before close, so we can all go home on time).

I’m walking down to the other end of the shop, past the stairs to the showroom, when I see an older couple walking down (the upstairs has been closed for some time, since it was a slow day, so I apologise for what I assume is my colleague not checking properly and unlatch the chain).

Me: I’m so sorry, did [Colleague #1] not check to see if there was anyone up there?

Customer #1 (the wife): What? We just unlatched the chain on the other set of stairs and came up! (I’m pretty shocked, since it is quite clearly very dark, and being quite a full showroom, potentially dangerous for them to go up there, but whatever.)

Customer #2: And why is this bit closed? We wanted to look up here! It’s awful not thinking people might want to go up there!

Me: Okay… Is there anything I can help you with? We are closing very shortly, which is why this area is locked up.

Customer #1: Well I came in two days ago and saw an [item] that I wanted to purchase, and now I can’t find it! Why isn’t it there anymore?

Me: Well, I’m afraid I haven’t been at work since Saturday, but I assume it has probably been sold, since we don’t keep them anywhere else.

Customer #1: (VERY rudely) Well you’re obviously not going to know anything, are you, since you’re only part time! That item cost nearly £20, no one else is going to buy it, are they? Don’t be ridiculous, no one would buy it. I wanted it. Call that man over there, [Customer #2]! He’ll know what he’s talking about!

Customer #2 does so, only to be informed that my colleague, who ‘knows what she’s talking about’, did indeed sell the item, the day before. So not only did they break a chain to get into a closed area, not believe I could possibly know anything, but also refuse to believe anyone else might want an item they wanted to buy!

*At a small tearooms with two tills, but one is broken and only accepting cash. Tills are about 10 steps away *
Employee: Hi there, were you looking to pay by card or cash?
Customer: *in a huffy, hurried voice* Card obviously!
Employee: sorry ma’am, you’ll have to come to the till just around the corner
Customer: I don’t have time for this *starts muttering* Honestly, the incompetency from these Hicks! You know what, I don’t have time for this!
She threw her drink and chips on the floor, causing the drink to explode, then stomped out.

I work for a credit card processing company. When a merchant uses our services, they are charged processing fees.

Merchant: “why did you guys charge me 320.25? to have fees that high i would have had to have processed 10,000”

Me: “well, i see a transaction in the amount of 10,000, did you do that?”

Merchant: “well yeah…”

Me: “……..”

(I work in a very popular pizza chain that happens to be located in a university food court. Because we are in a food court we do not deliver but we are always more than happy to point the customer in the right direction.)
Me: Thank you for calling (Name of pizza place) in the student union, this is (my name) how may I help you?
Customer: Yeah, I need 4 medium pizzas delivered to (hospital name)
Me: I’m very sorry ma’am, but our location actually doesn’t deliver, but if you would like-
Customer: You don’t deliver to (hospital)?! You’re the nearest location.
Me: Yes ma’am. I understand that but we are in a food court so we don’t deliver at all. If you want-
Customer: (in a very angry manner) Can you at least give me the number to the location that does?
Me: (internally sighs, because I’ve been trying to give her the number since the beginning.) Of course, ma’am.
(Later I found out that she called our location again to yell at my manager about my ‘unprofessionalism’ and how I kept rushing her and reprimanding her for not listening. She then proceeded to tell my manager that I had given her a bogus number on purpose-Something I have never done. My manager knows I do my best to be polite, so she just laughed it off and told me not to worry about it)

This guy comes in.

“Got any rock?”

I ask out back, we got any rock salmon? Because we don’t always have some. They say yeah so I say yeah we got some rock.

“Okay, I’ll have two rock. two large chips, one mushy peas and a curry sauce.”

So I say, “ok, that’s £12.40, but it takes some time, do you want to wait?”

He says yes, and he pays, and sits down to wait, then after a few minutes she calls from out back, we don’t have any rock salmon.

“Sorry, we don’t have any rock after all,” I say to him.

So he gets up, smiles at us, puts on a dopey face, says “sorry for the trouble,” and walks out before we got a chance to say, don’t you want anything else, don’t you want your money back?

Never seen him again.