Me: Hi, how are yoy, how can I help you?
Customer (smelly, dirty looking customer): I need from you a little bit of electricity, can you put it in this plastic bag?

I was in my position as loader. We ask passengers to place their hand luggage in the tray provided, and to divest themselves of any metal or electronic items they may have in their pockets prior to passing through the archway metal detector.
A gentleman stood in front of me and I asked the usual things

Me; Do you have a phone in your pocket ?

He looked at me for what seemed an age, very confused, before he replied

Him; What ? like a mobile phone ?

We have to be professional at all times so I said yes. The voice in my head however was screaming “No, your house phone you dumbass….some days I really enjoy my job.

I’m on the bus with my friend and she is using scissors to sharpen a paintbrush.

Me: What are you doing?

Her: Making a shank! I stole these from art class!

Me: You’re making a shank out of stolen paintbrushes?!

Her: Shhhh!

*I work IT for a retail company. Because of things going on, our stores have been shut down but we’ve started reopening as local guidelines allow for each store. We knew that people coming back would have to have resets since almost every password would have expired, but really, I get these types of calls all the time.*

User: I need a password reset for my sign on

Me: What are you signing onto? The computer itself? [Selling application]?

User: I just need my password

Me: I understand that, but I need to know which system you’re signing onto in order to make sure I reset the correct one

User: I have no idea what it’s called, but I have to sign onto the system

Me: So, you’re signing onto the computer?

User: I process returns, so I need to sign onto the system to process the returns

Me: Ok, so is it [Returns application]?

User: I just need a password!

Me: I understand that, but I need to know *which* password.

User: I need to sign into get my email

Me: Ok, I can get that one. Before I reset it though, do you know the password for [SSO application]?

User: Yes, but that’s not what I’m looking for

Me: You said you were trying to sign onto the computer, right? Trying to get to your email

User: Yes, but that’s not [SSO application]

Me: Yes it is; those systems talk to each other so they have the same password

User: No they don’t!

Me: Yes, they do

User: I have different passwords for both of those! My [SSO application] password is different!

Me: Can you please try it for me?

User: Fine *huffs off for a second* That worked. But why is it working? I have different passwords

Me: The two systems talk to each other

User: Fine. Will that get me into what I need to do?

Me: Well, you said you were signing onto the computer, so as long as you’re using any computer on the [Company] network, you can sign in with those credentials.

User: But will it let me sign into my system?

Me: Yes, you’ll be able to sign onto the computer

User: Well what about everything else I need to do?

Me: Is there another system you’re having trouble with?

User: I can’t sign onto my computer

Me: You’ll want to use the credentials you just used to sign onto this computer

User: But what about the rest of my programs?

Me: Which program are you having trouble with?

User: I don’t know

Me: Ok, I need to know which system. Is it *lists the main systems I know users use*?

User: I don’t know what it’s called but I can’t sign in

Me: Without knowing which system, I can’t get you a password because I don’t want to reset the wrong one

User: Ugh, fine! I’ll go get the name from my manager and then we’ll call back!

*I get that they’ve been gone and several people will have forgotten their passwords. But how do you forget which system it is, if you were just trying to sign onto it?*

Dad: ”Are you ready for tomorrow’s test?”
Me: ” Yes”
Dad: ” Study more tonight before you fo to bed”
Me: ” I thought all-nighters weren’t good for you?”
Dad: ” Nonsense, everyone can do what they best for them selves”

(He never liked all-nighters and people who do them, so this was weird)