(I live down the street from a university, and I often go to their library for the free Internet service. Because I’m not a student, I always park in a space labeled “Visitor Parking.” However, I occasionally still get a parking ticket from campus police. The exchange at the parking office usually goes like this:)

Me: “I need to dispute this ticket. I was parked in visitor parking.”

Worker: “Students aren’t allowed to park in visitor parking.”

Me: “Okay, but I’m not a student. My car doesn’t have a parking permit on it.”

Worker: “A lot of students don’t buy the permit. Just because your car doesn’t have the permit doesn’t mean you’re not a student.”

Me: “If I give you my ID, is there any way you can see if I’m in the university’s system as a registered student?”

Worker: “That doesn’t prove that you’re not a student.”

(After this, I’d ask for the supervisor, who would throw the ticket out. But after the third time, I just stopped going. I’m still not sure how I was supposed to prove that I wasn’t a student at that school.)

My driver’s license was never delivered to me, so I have to go to the DMV to get another one sent. The employee ends up charging me for a new license, despite the fact that the original one they sent never reached me. I decided to pay for it, since I need the license and it’s not too much.

I end up writing down two addresses: my home address and the mailing address.

My license was delivered two weeks later….

…with my college’s mailing address listed as my home address.

Now, I have a driver’s license that says I live inside the mail room of a college.

(I graduated high school two years ago, and I’m currently attending college. Over the summer I am staying at my parents’ house. Long story short, I need to get my driving “green card” from my high school, a document saying that I passed the driver’s class, in order to get my driver’s license. Obviously, I can’t drive there, so I decide to walk there since I have a lot of free time and it’s relatively close by. There are no walkways or anything, only a grassy side path, meaning I have to walk next to the street for a majority of the way. This isn’t a huge problem until I get to the school, where the side path cuts off, forcing me to either walk in the middle of the road, or walk through the school yard. I choose the latter, for obvious reasons.)

Teacher: “Hey, what are you doing?”

Me: “Just walking around the school to get to the main office.”

Teacher: “You’re not supposed to be out there without a teacher!”

(I think nothing of this and move on, getting inside and heading towards the office. When I get there, the receptionist is on her walkie-talkie.)

Voice: *from the walkie-talkie* “Apparently there’s some kid wandering around outside the school. He said he was heading to the office.”

Me: *to the receptionist* “Yeah, that was me. I walked here from my house to get my green card saying I passed the driver’s ed class.”

Receptionist: “Why were you wandering around outside?”

Me: *laughing* “Because it was safer than walking through the street? Sorry, I had no other option.”

Receptionist: “You shouldn’t do that. On your way back, don’t walk through the yard.”

Me: “Well, like I said, it was either that or walk through the middle of the road, so…”

Receptionist: “Well, do that then.”

Me: “Hold on. Did you, a school employee, just tell me I should walk down the middle of the street during lunch hour?”

Receptionist: “Yes, I did. You can’t just wander around school grounds without a teacher or staff member present.”

(Eventually I left, making sure not to walk on their precious school grounds. I still can’t believe I was told that I should walk down the middle of the road!)

(Two of my friends and I are working on verb tenses together in Latin.)

Friend #1: “So, this would be dicit.” *pronounces it dix-it*

Me: “Actually, it’s pronounced ‘dicit.'” *dik-it* “The Cs are always hard in Latin.”

Friend #2: “That’s what she said!”

(She didn’t let me live that down for the rest of the day.)

(I receive an email from my supervisor:)

Supervisor: “We understand that the computer systems are being laggy and slow. Please send me a screenshot so that I can submit a ticket to IT.”

(I forward the email to my husband, who works in the same company, so that he can see the idiocy.)

Husband: *walks over to [Supervisor]* “Really, [Supervisor]?”

Supervisor: “I know it’s dumb, but IT requested it.”

(And there you have it. The IT department of a monolithic Fortune 500 company requested a static image of a computer program being slow.)