I work in a bank with a lot of elderly customers that come in regularly. Most are fine, but I cannot stand this one lady. She is always rude, impatient, and demanding. State law recently changed about how trust titles checks have to go into trust titles accounts.  

Me: “Hello, how are you today Mrs. [Customer]?”

Customer: “Ugh, terrible! Ever since you closed your stupid drive-thru—” Two years ago! “—I’ve had to walk all the way inside this stupid, stupid bank. No other bank does that! Now, make this deposit for me.”

Me: “Okay… Oh, it looks like two of your checks are made out to a trust.”

Customer: “And?”

Me: “This isn’t a problem at all, but I will have to change up the transaction a little bit because of a new state law. I have to deposit these two checks into your trust account, but I can transfer the same amount of money from your trust into the account you want so there won’t be a difference—”

The customer replies loud enough for the whole bank to hear.

Customer: “What?! That is ridiculous! I’ve been making the same deposits for twenty years! My lawyer said I could do it like this!”

Me: “Unfortunately, this is how we have to do it with the new law.”

Customer: “Are you calling my lawyer a liar?!”

Me: “No, of course not. But bank policy and state law say that I cannot deposit these checks straight into this account.”

Customer: “You’re not a lawyer! You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do!”

Me: “Everything will still be the same. I just have to process the transaction a little differently.”

Customer: “You know, you’re just trying to make me mad. The actual bank doesn’t care what is deposited as long as they get my money. You stupid tellers are the ones that look at everybody’s checks and try to make their lives more difficult by telling the bank to make more policies. Fine! Do it your own stupid way!”

Oh, yes! I just love making new policies so I can be called stupid in front of the whole bank repeatedly and process more difficult transactions!

I work with customers who are paying off loans. I am skipping my greeting, going over the various smallest to largest payment options, and ten minutes of this entire conversation repeating itself.

Customer: “I need you to tell me what is best for me with my account!”

Me: “Okay. Well, what’s your ideal goal?”

Customer: “That’s why I am asking you! You tell me!”

Me: “I can’t tell you what’s your ideal goal. That’s up to you to decide. Let’s start simple. Do you want to close the account quickly with the fewest payments, or do you want smaller payments knowing it will take longer to pay off the account?”

Customer: “I don’t know what’s best for me to make that decision! You tell me!”

Me: “I can’t tell you which is best for you because only you know what works for you.”

Customer: “Isn’t there anyone who can tell me what is best for me?”

Me: “There is no one that can tell you what is best for you until you have some idea how you want your payments to go.”

Customer: “This is all so confusing! I don’t know what I want! You tell me what I want!”

They eventually got frustrated that I couldn’t tell them what was better for their unique situation that they couldn’t tell me: quicker payoff with larger payments or longer payoff but smaller payments.

My mother-in-law likes to give my kids pajamas or clothes for Saint Nicholas Day. This year, she had to mail them. The day before Saint Nicholas day, she sends us a message.

Mother-In-Law: “They didn’t have the size you told me to get for [Oldest Daughter], so I just got them a size smaller.”

Why would you ever buy a kid clothes a size smaller than what they need? We had two outfits that would fit our younger daughter and nothing for the older. My husband ended up making an unplanned trip to the store so both kids could have something to open. I felt like their grandma should pay for the extra clothes we had to buy. She didn’t even apologize.

A caller is placing an order for several cartons of our “Extreme Buy” discounted copy paper and a desktop organizer. The paper has a disclaimer on it that no further discounts, including discount coupons, apply, and all discount coupons have a disclaimer on them that they exclude “Extreme Buy” copy paper. Neither of the disclaimers are in small print. Free gift coupons can still be used with the paper.

Me: “Your total is $159.”

Caller: “Oh, I have a coupon that I want to use.”

Me: “Okay, what is the coupon code?”

The caller gives me her coupon code.

Me: “This coupon is for a free [item] when you order $325 or more. Your total is $159. Did you want to add something to bring your total up?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Your order will not qualify for the coupon, then. Is there a different coupon you would like to use?”

Caller: “Hold on a moment.” *Pauses* “Use this one.” *Gives me another code*

This particular coupon is on our website’s coupon page, down at the bottom, set off from the general coupons with a bold heading that says, “Ink and Toner Coupons”.

Me: “That coupon is for a free [item] when you spend $150 on ink and toner. You don’t have any ink or toner on your order. Will you be adding some?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “The order will not qualify for this coupon, either, then. Is there another coupon that you would like to try?”

Caller: “Yes, use this one.” *Gives another code*

Me: “That coupon is for $15 off when you order $100, but it excludes the ‘Extreme Buy’ copy paper, along with some other categories, so it would only include the price of the desk organizer, which is $10.”

Remember that the exclusion is not in small type. It is actually in a larger type than the actual coupon code is.

Caller: “You know, it didn’t used to be so hard to use coupons! There aren’t any other coupons I can use!”

We have eight free-gift coupons that she would qualify for on our coupon page. I am pretty sure she is looking at that page, because that is the only place we advertise the second code that she gave me, although technically, she could have been looking at it previously and written it down.

Me: “I apologize. We do have several other coupons that this order would qualify for. You can choose one of the following free gifts.” *Lists the gifts* “Would you like to add one of these to your order?”

Caller: “No, just cancel it.”

Me: “Cancel the coupon or the whole order?”

Caller: “No, just the copy paper. I still need that organizer.”

The movie “Dragonheart” has just been released, and I treat myself to a matinee showing. It turns out that I’m the only one in the theater, so I settle in for a nice, quiet day at the movies.

About halfway through, a family enters the theater and sits a few rows ahead of me. Around ten minutes pass. As we’re watching a very obvious dragon fly around and do dragon things, I hear this from who I presume is the mother.

Woman: “Wait… This isn’t Flipper!”

They got up and left, leaving me to laugh for a good five minutes.