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Opposite Of A Think Tank

, , | Right | April 22, 2020

I work in a store that sells sport items.

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to see clothing to go to the gym.”

Me: “Oh, sure, here they are.”

Customer: “Do you guys have tank tops?”

Me: “Yes, we have these three types.”

He looks at the items I pointed to.

Customer: “Okay, because I don’t want a tank top.”

Call The CEO! Just Do It!

, , , | Right | March 19, 2020

(I work footwear in a large sporting goods store. An older gentleman comes in:)

Customer: “I have bought three pairs of the same [Shoe Model]s from one of your competitors that have all been ‘defective’ on me.”

Me: “The shoe might not be right for your foot.”

Customer: “Why don’t you call [Major Brand] and figure out what the problem is?”

(I chuckle, thinking he is joking, but he looks at me dead serious.)

Me: “You want me to call [Brand] and ask them what is wrong with a pair of shoes that you didn’t even buy at our store?”

Customer: “No, you can just get them on the phone and I will talk to them.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I can’t just ‘call’ [Brand], but if you have a problem with a pair of their shoes they have customer service, and since you didn’t buy the shoes at our store there isn’t much else I can do.”

Customer: “Why can’t you just get them on the phone for me?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I just can’t.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why not; you have their stuff all over your store.”

(I apologize five more times, yet he still persists that I get [Brand] on the phone.)

Me: “You know what? On second thought, I think I have the CEO of [Brand] on speed dial on my personal cell.”

(After that, I called over a manager to talk to him and he left unsatisfied. It’s one of the more interesting experiences I have had at that job.)

Making A Point To Pay

, , , , , | Working | August 20, 2019

(I’m planning to make a new set of arrows and go to my local store to get all the parts. Unfortunately, they don’t have the points I want in stock, but they refer me to a nearby competitor where I’ve never been. This happens in the second shop. There is one employee inside and no other customers.)

Me: “Hello, I’m looking for [Brand] [size] points. Do you have any?”

Employee #1: “Here.” *hands me the points, wanders off to the back before I have a chance to pay*

Me: “Um…”

(I try to call for the employee but no answer. Figuring I have time, I look around the shop for a while. About ten minutes later, another employee walks in from the back.)

Employee #2: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Me: *holding up the bag I’ve been holding for ten minutes and walking to the till holding my card* “Hi, yes, I just wanted these [Brand] [size] points. Your colleague got them for me, and then disappeared.”

Employee #2: “Yes, those are the correct ones. Is there something else you need?” *looks at me with confusion*

Me: “So… can I pay for them?”

Employee #2: “Oh…” *wanders off to the back room but returns shortly*

Employee #2: “I have no idea where he went…” *looks lost*

Me: “How much for these?”

Employee #2 “Oh, yeah… [price].”

Me: “THANK YOU.”

(Total time to get points: fifteen seconds. Total time to get cashiers to let me PAY for points: fifteen minutes.)

Can’t Backtrack That Backpack Comment

, , , , | Right | April 28, 2019

I worked in a sporting goods store. I was in the camping department, but backpacking was really my expertise. One day, I got a call on the radio saying there was a customer looking for backpacking tents. I got all excited because I love sharing my passion with people.

He explained to me that he was going to hike the Pacific Crest Trail this fall. I was immediately concerned, mostly because that’s a three-month trip or longer and dangerous when done that late in the year. He informed me that he would need a four-season backpacking tent under three pounds for his lightweight pack. Our closest tent was a four-pound tent that was pretty much a 3.5-season. Its price tag was a whopping $550. He said he wouldn’t pay more than $200. I told him that a four-season tent under three pounds doesn’t exist, let alone under $200. He insisted that we had to have it, and I was insistent that I knew our inventory and we did not.

He then proceeded to tell me that I didn’t understand what he needed and I heard him mutter under his breath, “I bet he’s never been backpacking in his life.” He then told me that he wanted to talk to my manager, to which I responded with the fact that I probably knew more than he did about backpacking. He said, “There must be an expert I can talk to.” Of course, I responded with, “I am the expert.”

He walked away, and later I saw him asking someone else for help who immediately called me over. As I walked up, the other employee said: “There you are! I was just telling this customer about the two-month backpacking trip you were just on this last summer…”

That was pretty awesome.

Literally Brought A Knife To A… You Know The Rest

, , , , | Legal | February 12, 2019

(I’m manning the shop while my manager is out for lunch. A man comes in asking about hunting knives. We talk for a bit and I show him several of our blades. He noticeably keeps asking to see the biggest and sharpest ones we stock.)

Me: “Well, there’s this.” *takes out a 15-inch bowie-designed knife*

Customer: “Oh, yeah! Can I see that?”

(I hand the knife over, while going into the spiel about the grade of steel, techniques for sharpening it, and so on. The customer seems very pleased as he tests the weight and then smiles at me.)

Customer: “You know what’s funny? You were actually just stupid enough to hand this to a random guy, with no idea what he intends to use it for.”

(He suddenly thrusts the knife at me.)

Customer: “Now, how about you walk me over to your register and hand over every f****** cent before I see how far I can sink this into your heart, moron?!”

Me: “Sir, if I may just ask, you are aware we’re a sporting goods store?”

Customer: “Yeah, so? Cash now, a**hole!”

(He thrusts the knife at me again. I tactfully back away while glancing over to my left.)

Me: “Could you please just read what the sign there at the bottom of the stairs says, then?”

(The customer-turned-robber looks confused, then cautiously turns to the sign.)

Customer: “‘Guns located on second floor’? What the…”

(He turns back to see I’ve now drawn my sidearm — I keep it holstered in a manner that it’s not immediately visible from the front — and have it aimed at him.)

Me: “Before you comment on others’ intelligence, consider that you walked in here and somehow missing both that sign and the one outside stating we carry all manner of sporting goods, including firearms!”

(He dropped the knife and booked it out the door, leaving me to call the police and give them a full report. I can understand why he thought this would work, since the way the store is set up it’s not immediately evident we carry firearms, but at the same time, who honestly isn’t aware that guns are also classified as “sporting goods” in a state that permits open carry?)