(I’m working the service desk at a big box store when an older man comes up with a plastic grocery bag.)

Coworker: “What can I help you with?”

Old Man: “I’m trying to use [Messenger Service] with my daughter. She can see me, she can hear me, and I can hear her, but I can’t see her. What’s wrong?”

(He then opens the grocery bag and it’s got a webcam, a mouse, and a bunch of random cables inside. He gestures to the random assortment of items as if we should be able to diagnose his problem from the junk.)

Coworker: “Sir, do you have your computer with you?”

Old Man: “Nope, what’s the problem?”

Coworker: “We really can’t figure out your issue from what you have brought.”

Old Man: “This is what I got; what’s the problem?”

Coworker: “It could be any number of things, really.”

Me: “Sir, we need your computer to even begin to help you with this.”

Old Man: “I’m trying to use [Messenger Service] with my daughter, and she can see me, she can hear me, and I can hear her, but I can’t see her. What’s the problem?”

Me: “Sir, this is like walking into a mechanic’s shop and saying your car is making a noise but not bringing the car.”

Old Man: “This is what I brought. What’s the problem?”

Me: “It’s not your car.”

(With that, he gathers up his bag of random junk and walks out of the building.)

Coworker: “It’s going to be one of those days, isn’t it?”

(I work in the call center for a local non-profit. We’re not telemarketers, but people usually assume we are when they hear where we’re calling from. On this call, a young boy — maybe five years old — picks up.)

Boy: “Um… Hello?”

Me: “Oh, hi! Is your mom there?”

Boy: “Um…”

(In the background, I can hear his mother. She’s muffled, but distinct enough that I can hear her every word.)

Mom: “Ask them who it is.”

Boy: “Um… who is it?”

Me: “It’s [My Name] with [Organization]!”

(The child relays this.)

Mom: “Crap. Tell her we’re not here.”

Boy: “Um, okay. She’s… uh… not here right now.”

Me: “Okay, no problem! When will she be available?”

(He puts his hand over the phone and undergoes lengthy consultation with his mother.)

Boy: “I, um, uh… Later.”

Me: “How about later this week?”

Boy: “Uh…”

Mom: “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

Boy: *to me* “That’ll be okay, I guess.”

Me: “Okay! Tell your mom thanks for me, and I’ll talk to her later. Oh, and one more thing?”

Boy: “Yeah?”

Me: *very solemnly – “after-school special” style* “Tell her that lying is very bad, and honesty is always the best policy.”

Boy: *sounding relieved and happy* “Okay! I’ll tell her! Thanks!”

(I am a cashier at a big box retailer. Our longtime front-end manager has retired recently. His successor is a young blonde woman in her late twenties. I meet her on her first day and she seems like a very sweet and enthusiastic person, even taking an almost immediate liking to me. The next day, I’m off, and I’m shopping for my family when she approaches me.)

Manager: *smiling* “Hey, how are you doing?”

Me: “Very well, thank you.”

Manager: “Hey, do you think you could get on register four? We’re getting swamped in here.”

Me: “I can’t. I’m shopping.”

Manager: “Well, we’re really busy and the lines are getting long. I really do need you over there.”

Me: “It’s my day off! I’m not even in uniform!”

Manager: *no longer smiling* “You don’t have a choice in the matter, and I do not like this attitude of yours. Get on register four, now. That is an order.”

Me: “With all due respect, you cannot make me work off the clock.”

Manager: *now yelling* “Again with your attitude! Go to the office! Now! I’ll deal with you later!”

(I head to the store director’s office.)

Store Director: “[My Name]? What are you doing back here? Is something wrong?”

Me: “Apparently, I’m in trouble.”

Store Director: “What do you mean? I thought you weren’t scheduled today.”

Me: “I wasn’t; that’s the point! I was just here shopping when [Manager] sent me back here.”

(Just then the front end manager comes storming in.)

Manager: *screaming* “I’m sick and tired of your attitude and refusal to do as you’re told! You’re fired!”

Store Director: “Whoa, whoa! Hold the phone! First and foremost, [Manager], you do not yell at anyone in this store. Second, what exactly are you firing [My Name] for?”

Manager: “I’m firing him for insubordination! He wasn’t getting on register when I told him to!”

Store Director: “Oh, really? Did it ever occur to you that [My Name] wasn’t even scheduled today, and that maybe he was just here to shop?”

Manager: “I don’t care! His job is to do as he’s told!”

Store Director: “And you essentially told him to break the law and work off the clock. You cannot fire him for refusing to do that, and even if for some reason you could, it would have to go through me and I still wouldn’t allow it.” *to me* “Sorry about that, [My Name]. You can go about your business now. I’m going to have a word in private with [Manager]. Hope your day gets better! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Me: “You, too!”

(I left the office and finished my shopping. As I was checking out, the front end manager emerged from the office cursing out loud and stormed out the front door. When I came to work the following day, she was nowhere to be seen. I later learned she was fired that day for intentionally violating federal labor laws. It just goes to show you that sometimes sweetness and enthusiasm are only skin-deep. Thankfully, her replacement wasn’t a demon inside like she was.)

(I start getting a bunch of calls from an unknown number. The first time, they leave no message. The second and third times, they leave a message saying they are from my mortgage company to talk to me about refinancing my home. I look up the number and just as I suspected, it is a scam. The fourth time they call, I answer.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hi, [My Name], I’m [Caller] from [Loan Company]. I’m calling in regards to your mortgage. We told you a while ago that we would contact you if there was a chance we could get you a better rate. Do you plan on moving anytime soon, or do you plan on staying in your one-family home?”

Me: “I plan on staying.”

Caller: “Oh. Well then, do you have time you talk about refinancing? The market’s doing really well right now and we can likely get you down to a lower interest rate and payment.”

Me: “Oh, really?”

Caller: “Yes. Based on your excellent payment history, we can bring it down to about five and a half if you were to refinance.”

Me: “Really?”

Caller: “Of course!”

Me: “I don’t believe you, because this is a scam.”

Caller: “No, ma’am, it’s not.”

Me: “Yes, it is, because if you were really looking at my mortgage, you’d see my interest rate is currently four percent.”

(I work at an animal shelter. There’s a dad with several children visiting with a dog. The dad is holding a toddler, who isn’t wearing shoes. I’m not super concerned since the child is so young and may not be walking around, but one of the other children — six or seven — is running around the room also not wearing shoes. I poke my head in the room.)

Me: “Hi! Does he have shoes in the car that he can put on?”

Dad: *looks at me like I’m crazy and answers very rudely* “NO!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t have him walking around without shoes.”

Dad: “Why not?”

Me: “It’s unsanitary, both for you and the dogs.”

Dad: “Aren’t there bigger problems in American than a kid not wearing shoes?”

Me: “Not right here, right now.”

(I got a coworker in another department. She told me she spoke to him and eventually got them to leave, but he ended up ranting about the government for a while first.)