Mama Told Me Not To Come

(I work in the call center for a local non-profit. We’re not telemarketers, but people usually assume we are when they hear where we’re calling from. On this call, a young boy — maybe five years old — picks up.)

Boy: “Um… Hello?”

Me: “Oh, hi! Is your mom there?”

Boy: “Um…”

(In the background, I can hear his mother. She’s muffled, but distinct enough that I can hear her every word.)

Mom: “Ask them who it is.”

Boy: “Um… who is it?”

Me: “It’s [My Name] with [Organization]!”

(The child relays this.)

Mom: “Crap. Tell her we’re not here.”

Boy: “Um, okay. She’s… uh… not here right now.”

Me: “Okay, no problem! When will she be available?”

(He puts his hand over the phone and undergoes lengthy consultation with his mother.)

Boy: “I, um, uh… Later.”

Me: “How about later this week?”

Boy: “Uh…”

Mom: “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

Boy: *to me* “That’ll be okay, I guess.”

Me: “Okay! Tell your mom thanks for me, and I’ll talk to her later. Oh, and one more thing?”

Boy: “Yeah?”

Me: *very solemnly – “after-school special” style* “Tell her that lying is very bad, and honesty is always the best policy.”

Boy: *sounding relieved and happy* “Okay! I’ll tell her! Thanks!”