(I decide to try out a new restaurant that just opened a few days ago a couple of blocks from my apartment. After taking a look at their menu, I order a buffalo chicken sandwich. Despite the place not being at all busy, it takes about fifteen minutes for my food to be delivered to my table. When I cut my sandwich in half, I discover that the chicken breast is still raw in the middle. I flag down the server and show her the sandwich, and she takes the plate back into the kitchen to be remade. This time, it takes about 20 minutes for me to get my food, and it is delivered by the manager, who apologizes for the inconvenience. After he leaves the table, I cut open the sandwich and it is even rawer than the first one they made. I pull out my phone and snap a picture of the sandwich. The manager notices what I am doing and comes over.)

Manager: “Is there something wrong?”

Me: “Take a look for yourself.” *turns the plate so he can see the raw chicken*

Manager: “Oh, I’m so sorry. Let me get that fixed for you right away.”

Me: “No, thanks. At this point, I’m not going to eat anything that comes out of this kitchen. I’ll get my lunch elsewhere.”

Manager: “Okay, I’ll be right back with your bill.”

Me: “My bill?”

Manager: “Yes, it’ll just be a moment.”

Me: *standing up to leave* “I’m not paying you for raw chicken.”

Manager: *as I’m leaving* “Then I’ll have to call the police.”

Me: “Go ahead and do that if you feel you need to. I’ll be over at [Old Restaurant].”

(About half an hour later, I was just finishing my lunch at the second restaurant when a police officer came in and asked if I’d been at [New Restaurant] that morning. I told her that I had, explained what had happened, and showed her the picture I’d taken of the raw sandwich. I gave her my name, address, and phone number for her report and she left. A couple of weeks later, I was walking past [New Restaurant] and I saw a sign on the front door: “Closed by order of City Health Inspector.” They never reopened.)

(I have ordered some flavor syrups from a Wisconsin-based online retailer. The phone call goes smoothly with me providing all the necessary information I need to place the order. The order arrives in the mail a few days later and I notice that one of the tamper-proof bands on one of the syrup bottles is broken as if it has been opened, so I call them back to see if they can do anything to remedy this.)

Representative: “Thank you for calling [Company] Gourmet. How can I help you today?”

Me: “I received my order and one of the seals on the peanut butter flavors has been broken. I was wondering if I could return it and order a replacement.”

Representative: “That sometimes happens in the warehouse. One of the workers must have accidentally dropped it or broken the seal unintentionally. If you want, we can send you a whole new order to make up for it.”

Me: “That’s not necessary. I just want to return this one and hopefully get it replaced.”

Representative: “No problem. We can send you another bottle of the peanut butter flavor. Feel free to either keep the one you have or dispose of it if you don’t feel comfortable using it.”

(I gave them the necessary information and they said they’d send it free of charge. When the shipment arrived, I noticed it was heavier than normal, so I opened it to find three additional bottles of syrup and a few of the bottle tops that included a pump dispenser. I called them back and they said I could keep the entire new order they sent me, free of charge. Whoever you are, thank you. You’ve really gone over the top to make a customer happy with your brand and service.)

(It is a really slow day at the fast food place where I work, and I am serving some kid and his friends. They all look to be roughly 11 or 12. One of the boys ordering keeps flirting with me quite aggressively the whole time, and I am starting to get annoyed as I am not interested in robbing the cradle.)

Me: “And did you want anything else?”

Kid: “Yeah, can I add your phone number to my order?”

Me: *deadpan* “Why? Do you need a babysitter?”

(His friends burst out laughing and he quickly left the store after that.)

(I pull up to order at a well-known fast food chain and the server first asks me for a name for my order. I reply that it’s Zoe. I complete my order and pull up to the window.)

Server #1: “Hey, how do you spell your name?”

Me: “Z-O-E.”

Server #2: “I told you I was right. I’m Asian.”

Server #1: “Oh, man.”

Server #2: “I won my middle school spelling bee.”

(I’m a lifeguard at a community center pool. At the time of this story, our company is running a promotion that gives free short-term memberships. A child, around 11 or 12, goes to go down the slide. She is missing the required wristband, so I tell her she needs to take a swim test. She nods, leaves, and returns with her irate mother.)

Mother: “Why does my child need to take a swim test?”

Me: “It’s company policy.”

Mother: “[Front Desk] said we could try everything.”

Me: *after stifling a sigh of frustration with [Front Desk]* “She still needs to take the test for her safety.”

Mother: “Fine! Give her the test!”

(I begin telling the child what is required for the swim test. After a few seconds, the mother interrupts.)

Mother: “You’re talking too fast.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll repeat myself slower.”

Mother: “No, we’re leaving.”

(The mother and child left and made a complaint to the front desk saying that I was very rude to them. The manager laughed it off.)