(Overnight, the shop is closed, and you can fill up by paying card or cash at the automatic pump. An angry customer comes into the gas station.)

Cashier: “Good morning, sir.”

Customer: “You f****** thieves! Last night I was here and that g**-d*** machine stole my 20 euros!”

Cashier: “Do you have the receipt from the pump?”

Customer: “No, I was in a hurry; I couldn’t wait for the f****** receipt!”

Cashier: “Let me get the manager.”

Manager: “Good morning, sir. The cashier explained to me that you paid 20 euros without filling up and that you have no receipt. Normally, it would be a problem, but I can check on the system if there is a difference between the amount paid and the gas sold, and very likely I’ll find the amount you paid. Unfortunately, I have to wait until this evening, so if you could wait until tomorrow, I’ll have your money ready first thing in the morning.”

Customer: “F*** OFF! GOT NO TIME FOR YOUR LAME EXCUSES! I WANT MY MONEY NOW!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but—”

Customer: “THAT’S IT! I’M CALLING THE COPS!”

(Once the police came, it turned out that the angry customer was a foreigner with an expired visa, so he was promptly handcuffed and placed in the back of the police cruiser. The kicker? That same evening, the 20 euros he claimed he paid without filling up turned out… if only he was a little patient, he could have walked off with his money.)

(I am at a convenience store getting gasoline, cigarettes, and a soda. It’s a small store, with only two pumps. As I pull in, I notice one of the nozzles has a large yellow plastic bag on it clearly marked, “Out Of Order,” so I pull my car around the other side, get out and go in the store to pay for my gas. As I am crossing the parking lot, another truck pulls up to the other [broken] pump but I don’t think much about it. As I am in the back of the store getting my drink, I hear the clerk speak into the intercom and tell the driver of the truck that pulled in after me that the pump is broken, meaning that the guy has tried to use it, in spite of the big yellow bag over the nozzle. Just as I am getting up to the counter to pay for my things, he sticks his head in the door and yells at the cashier:)

Truck Driver: *very rudely* “Are you the one who told me the pump was broken?!”

Cashier: “Yes.”

Truck Driver: *shouting* “Well, you could have marked the g**-d***ed thing as broken!”

(Before the cashier has a chance to say anything, I say:)

Me: “You mean other than the bright yellow bag that said, ‘out of order,’ on it?”

(The truck driver stares a hole through me and turns around, gets in his truck, and leaves.)

Cashier: “I appreciate that; I would have had to be nice.”

Me: “You can get fired; I can’t.”

(I am a customer in line. Because this is a party town, this particular gas station closes its restrooms at 10 pm to avoid drunk college students messing up the place. There are two 20-something girls talking to the male cashier.)

Girl #1: “Please let us use the restroom. It’ll be quick.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but the owner doesn’t want us to make exceptions. There are port-a-potties outside by the parking lot you’re free to use.”

Girl #1: “Come on. Look at me.”

(She starts batting her eyes and pushes out her chest.)

Girl #1: “I bet you don’t meet many girls who pay attention to you. But I’m looking at you.”

Girl #2: “What if I look you in the eyes? Then will you let us use it?”

Cashier: *stares blankly* “…No, I’m sorry but I am not allowed to unlock it.”

Girl #2: “BUT I’M LOOKING AT YOU.”

Cashier: “Okay, but—”

Girl #1: “GOD, WHAT AN A**-HOLE! You’re lucky we even talked to you, and this is how we’re treated!”

(Both girls stormed out, leaving everyone else in the store bewildered.)

(I work the overnight shift alone from 10 pm to 6 am. I usually get the local cops in at the beginning of my shift, since they are starting their shift as well, and they also come by a few times a night, just to check in and say hi. Around 3 am one Sunday morning, another regular, who is shy and has a social disability, comes in to get his coffee and wait for his ride. As I’m finishing with him. two teenage boys come in.)

Me: *to regular* “Thanks for shopping at [Gas Station] and I’ll see you tomorrow.” *to teenagers* “Can I help you two with anything?”

Teenager #1: “Yeah, I’d like some cigarettes. [Brand].”

Me: “Certainly. I’ll just need to see some ID.”

Teenager #1: “I left it at the house. Can you let it slide this once? Besides, I only live right down the street.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell to anyone that looks under 30 without an ID. Besides, if you live right down the street, then it should be no problem to get your ID.”

Teenager #1: “C’mon, man, just let it slide this once. I can tell you my birthday. It’s [date].”

Me: “Well, sir, if that is your birthday, then you are only 16. I can’t sell the cigarettes to you, but feel free to get anything else.”

Teenager #2: “Here, I’ll get them then. I just turned 18 and I have my ID.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t sell them to you, since I know you are buying them for your friend, who I know is underage.”

Teenager #2: “But I’m 18!”

Teenager #1: “Don’t be a d***. Nobody will notice at this time of night.”

Me: “Sorry, but it’s not worth my job.”

(The two teenagers leave, and I see them go up to my regular, who is still waiting in the parking lot, and talk to him for a minute. My regular walks back in.)

Regular: “Can I get a pack of [Cigarette Brand Teenager Asked For]?”

Me: “I actually can’t. I know you don’t smoke, and I know those boys just asked you to get them cigarettes. Tell them I’m not selling them cigarettes, and they can’t get anyone else to buy them for them.”

(My regular leaves and talks to the teens. He gets picked up around five minutes later, but the teens are still loitering. I ignore them, as there isn’t anyone else in the store or parking lot, and start to mop while the store is slow. About 20 minutes later, the teens come in and get some nachos, making a mess in the process. As they come to check out, I notice the reek of alcohol.)

Teenager #2: “I’d like these nachos.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. Can I get you anything else?”

Teenager #2: “Yeah, I’d like a pack of [Same Cigarette Brand].”

Me: “I told you 20 minutes ago that I wouldn’t sell you cigarettes. Now, you need to pay for the nachos and leave.”

(They end up grumbling, but pay for their food and leave. However, they don’t leave the parking lot, and instead hang around eating their food. I ignore them again and start making coffee. About ten minutes later, one of my older regulars shows up. He stops to talk to the boys on the way in, and then comes into the store.)

Me: “Hey, [Older Regular].”

(All the coffee is fresh, and once I finish with the trash, I can take a break and come outside and chat.)

Older Regular: “You know those boys are asking for people to buy them cigarettes, don’t you? I told them I wouldn’t, and that you knew I didn’t smoke anyway.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’ve had about enough of this.” *I go outside and talk to the teenagers.* “You guys need to leave now. You can’t loiter here, and you can’t keep harassing my customers to illegally buy you tobacco.”

Teenager #1: “Well, why don’t you make us? We ain’t doing nothing!”

Teenager #2: “Yeah, and this wouldn’t have happened if you’d been f***ing cool about it.”

(Fed up with this, I call dispatch, and explain to them about the two drunk teens. Two minutes later, I have three cop cars pull in and corner these two kids. One tries to run and is caught almost instantly. My regular and I go outside to watch.)

Cop: *also a regular* “Hey, [My Name]. These two the only ones who were bothering you?”

Me: “Yeah. So, what are you going to do to them?”

Cop: “We’ll take them down to the station and throw them in the drunk tank. We’ll call their parents once they sober up. Usually putting the fear of God in them is enough. Call us if they ever show up on your shift again!”

(My regular and I walked away laughing. It certainly made the rest of my shift more enjoyable, and the teens had a great story to tell at school Monday!)

(This happens while I am working at a gas station/truck stop over breaks in college. It is summer, 2004.)

Customer: “The pump out there won’t take my card. Fix it.”

(All pumps have cars at the moment.)

Me: “Which pump?”

(Customer points vaguely to the front window.)

Customer: “That one.”

Me: “Okay, which pump number?”

Customer: “It’s the one with the silver Chevy SUV. Get it fixed; I’m in a hurry.”

(I go to the pump console, which has a flashing notification on his pump.)

Me: “Okay, I’m pulling up the pump info right now. It takes a bit of time to load right now.”

Customer: “Hurry up, will ya?”

Me: “It’s loading.”

Coworker: *to me* “Hey, I need to cut the label off something. Do we still have those scissors?”

Me: “Let me check.”

(I start looking around the accumulated stuff around the pump console, which looks like a junk drawer.)

Customer: “Oh, you have time to help that b**** find her scissors but you can’t help a paying f****** customer? I told you I was in a hurry, but I’m f****** leaving.”

(Pump information finally loads; I hit the button to activate the speakers on all eight pumps.)

Me: “Pump seven, your card has been declined. Again, pump seven, the silver Chevy SUV, your card has been declined.”