I am the dumb customer in this one, but not until my second visit to the electronics store.

On my first visit, I was looking for a laser printer. The only model that was less than $700 was from [Brand #1], a brand that is disliked by everyone in my family and most of my friends. But I really needed a printer, so I bought it.

I use Linux instead of a more popular OS, and the printer company says they are compatible with all distro’s of Linux, but I could not get it to recognize the WiFi signal on the printer. Worse, after a few days, it refused to print via USB cable because the WiFi was not installed properly, and no amount of installing or diagnostics could get that to change. So, I decided to take it back to the store. Here’s where I got dumb.

The clerk who helped me pick a new printer was great! Unfortunately, no other store in the Metro Denver area had my selected [Brand #2] printer in stock, but I could order one and have it by the following Monday. Great! He took me to the order kiosk and we filled out my information. I was already in the system because I had signed up for toner refills and the warranty program on the [Brand #1] printer.

The clerk asked me to confirm my credentials and then put my address on the payment screen.

Clerk: “Is your address all correct?”

I glanced over it and said yes. He did some more things, then put my address back on the payment screen.

Clerk: “You’re sure this is correct?”

I laughed and confirmed. He explained that there was a woman who came in recently and screamed at him because, after he asked her to confirm, she had her package delivered to the wrong house.

Me: “It’s amazing how people don’t listen, isn’t it?”

Clerk: “Yeah. It gets pretty crazy.”

One more time, he splashed my address up to make sure I got it right. I glanced over it and agreed, so he closed the order and printed it. Then, something twitched in the back of my head. Still smiling as he handed me the order confirmation, I decided to check the address a fourth time, and… sure enough… I had missed that the apartment number was wrong!

When I gave it for the warranty on the [Brand #1] printer, I hesitated a moment as I gave it. The first half of the number is a multiple of ten, and the second is a little higher but in the same tens. Let’s say it’s 5057, for example. And when I said it, I put a bit of a pause, like “Fifty… fifty-seven.” So, when I bought the [Brand #1] printer, the clerk must have thought my number was just 57, and I was trying to remember the second digit.

Me: “Oh, shoot!”

The clerk cringed, knowing exactly what it was.

Me: “Totally not your fault. I missed the apartment number. I am such an idiot! After all that laughing at other customers, I did the same thing!”

The clerk apologized and explained that he couldn’t make the change from the kiosk in the back of the store and directed me up front. I again apologized for being that guy after all, assured him it was totally my fault, and headed up front.

There, the manager trained a cashier on how to change an address. It was a long and involved process, and I kept apologizing for my idiocy, and then I gave high praise for the clerk and his sales skills because he also got me to raise my intended price limit by about $100. The manager said she would be sure to reflect that to him and include it in his review.

The iPhone 5 has just come out. A confused-looking customer comes up to me.

Customer: “I bought an iPhone 4 from you guys last week.”

This wasn’t strange, since we sold them at a discount due to the imminent release of the iPhone 5.

Customer: “It wanted to download some software updates or whatever, but I wanted to wait until after the iPhone 5 came out so that it would be the iPhone 5.”

Me: “The iOS update already came out. You didn’t have to wait for the iPhone 5 to be released.”

Customer: “Yeah, so anyway, why is it still an iPhone 4?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “I didn’t install it until after the iPhone 5 came out. Shouldn’t my 4 become a 5?”

Me: “It doesn’t even remotely work that way.”

Customer: “It needs to work with a remote?”

Me: “…no. Let me get a manager for you.” *Unclips my store radio*

Customer: “When it becomes a 5, will it make a keyboard pop out?”

Me: “Manager to phones! Manager to phones!“

Related:
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 46
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 45
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 44
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 43
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 42

In the early 2000s, I am getting ready to close up at my big box electronics store when a gentleman comes in looking for a CD. I do a bit of searching and find out the release date for the CD is actually the next day.

Me: “Sir, the CD is not released yet, but if you come back tomorrow, we will have it in stock and you can pick it up.”

Customer: “Well, I saw a commercial for it on TV.”

Me: “Yes, sir, they will still promote the CD before it comes out; however, we cannot sell the CD until tomorrow.”

Customer: “Then why is it on TV?”

Me: “To raise awareness for the CD, sir.”

Customer: “You need to have someone remove that commercial.”

He then just stands there, waiting. I ask him if there is anything else I can do for him.

Customer: “I’m still waiting for you to make the call to get the commercial taken off the air.”

I am working at an electronics retailer back in the early 2000s. I am assisting a gentleman who looks to be in his fifties with a fax machine.

Me: “Perhaps if you let me know what you’ll be using it for, I can help recommend the best model for you.”

Customer: “Well, my rent checks seem to arrive late to my landlord, so I figure I’ll fax them.”

Me: “I doubt your landlord will accept a faxed check.”

Customer: “Why not?”

After a few further moments of discussion, I realize that he thinks it’s either a teleportation device or something akin to the vacuum tubes at the bank drive-thru. I explain how fax machines work and that it does not actually send the item, but more of a picture of it.

Customer: “You must not be showing me the right thing. My neighbor bought one; I’ll be back after talking to him to see which type of machine he bought.”

We’ve recently had a MASSIVE (and massively needed) overhaul to both our order/inventory software on the back end and our online portal. The overall look stayed the same, but the layout has been streamlined, there’s less clutter on individual pages, and most importantly, there’s a “live view” of open orders, invoice receipts, etc.

The quotes are because TECHNICALLY the website and system sync up about every five minutes, so for example, if an order has gone from “packaging” to “shipped”, it might not show instantly. And due to a quirk with the software we use, cancelations have to be manually confirmed; it’s the one action we can’t automate.

It should also be noted that our main office and warehouse are on the US east coast. All branding shows that, the website shows hours in EST, etc. So, once the various carriers have picked up and our lights turn off, we go home for the night and anything else is handled in the morning.

Astonishingly, the first day and night, there are no issues, even being a Monday/Tuesday!

Then, we come in Wednesday morning to the following email chain from a customer. The subject is an order number and an increasing number of “RE:”s in the front like a late-1990s chain email.

Email #1: “I need to get an order overnight.”

Email #2: “Please enter my order for overnight shipping.”

Email #3: “This order is very important; I need it tomorrow.”

Email #4: “Why is no one answering me?!”

Email #5: “This has been on ‘printed’ for an hour! Why is no one handling this?”

Email #6: “I am extremely disappointed. Please cancel my order.”

Email #7: “Cancel my order.”

Email #8: “CANCEL MY ORDER NOW!”

Email #9: “I cannot believe this has gone two hours now with no responses.”

Email #10: “Your site still doesn’t show my order shipped or canceled.”

Email #11: “You have no idea how much you’re costing me! The whole Internet will hear about this.”

Email #12: “I will be speaking to your CEO first thing in the morning.”

I am looking through this email chain with a raised eyebrow over my morning coffee; it started about an hour after we closed. I’m just finishing up when the phone rings and I see from the caller ID that it’s the same company, so I make sure I get it first.

I give my greeting spiel, including my name.

Customer: “Hi, [My Name]. I’m not sure who would be seeing it, but I sent quite a few emails last night.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I was actually just reading them now. I do apologize for—”

Customer: “No, no apologies necessary. I haven’t used your site in a while, and I was so excited about all the new updates that I completely forgot you guys are on east coast time, so I was freaking out looking at my clock. Have you canceled the order yet?”

Me: “Not yet, sir. I can get on it right now while we’re on the phone if you like.”

Customer: “No! Please cancel the cancelation. I looked around, but the only other places that have that in stock aren’t going to get it to me any sooner. Please get it out today, if it’s still okay.”

Me: “It’s totally okay, sir. In fact, I see that the warehouse has already picked and packed it, and it’s just waiting on a shipping label; they always try to get to the overnight tickets first.”

Customer: “Oh, really?! It’s still showing ‘pending cancel’ online!”

Me: “Yes, sir, the sync will run through in another two minutes. Hopefully, by the time the site updates, there should even be an invoice and tracking number available for you, but you’ll at least get an email right away once it’s ready.”

Customer: “Thank you so much, and sorry again for my freak-out last night!”

Me: “Quite all right, sir. It all worked out in the end!”