Your Weekend Makes My Grief Extend

| Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Right | July 25, 2012

Customer: “So, how are you spending your long weekend?”

Me: “I’m working here.”

Customer: “Why would you be here?”

Me: *confused* “Because I’m working?”

Customer: “But why?”

Me: “Um, because I’m scheduled to work.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!” *walks away*

At Least She Brought Windows Cleaner

| Oslo, Norway | Right | July 6, 2012

(A customer has just bought a cellphone. She wants me to show her how to insert the SIM card. I open the cover on the phone and reach for the SIM card when she shouts, startling me.)

Customer: “No! Don’t touch it!”

Me: “But I have to put the SIM card in—”

Customer: “No! You can’t touch it!”

Me: “I have to touch it to insert the SIM Card into the cellphone.”

Customer: “But I don’t want you to touch it! It will get viruses on it! I’ve heard it can happen! Just show me how to do it, and I’ll do it myself!”

Me: “Ma’am, the viruses you’ve heard about are digital programs, and can not be transmitted from a person touching the SIM card. But if you absolutely don’t want me touching it, you may insert the SIM card yourself.”

Customer: “I don’t want viruses in my cellphone! I’ll do it myself, thank you.”

(At this point the customer takes out a bottle of window cleaner spray and towel, sprays it on her hands, and dries them off. Then, she very carefully grabs the SIM card on the edges and slides it inside the cellphone.)

Customer: “See?! No viruses!”

Me: “Well done, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

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Questionable Questioning, Part 2

| Ontario, Canada | Right | May 29, 2012

Customer: “Can I ask a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “Camera. Wrist strap.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Camera. Wrist strap.”

Me: *trying to guess* “Um, do cameras come with wrist straps?”

Customer: “No! Do you sell them separately?!”

Related:
Questionable Questioning

Two To Hold The Bulb, One To Turn The Room

, | Ontario, Canada | Working | May 23, 2012

(On this particular day, we’ve received a new product. They’re outdoor lamps—the kind you actually have to mount to a wall and tie into your home’s electric circuit, with built in speakers. As I walk by, two employees are standing, just staring at them.)

Me: “What’s wrong, guys?”

Coworker #1: “We can’t get it open.”

Me: “What?”

Coworker #2: “We can’t figure out how you open it up when the lamp burns out.”

Me: “Okay, let me try…”

(After about 20 seconds of playing with it, I manage to pop the top off. It’s a strange maneuver, but it isn’t hard to figure out. Just as I pull it off, my manager walks over.)

Manager: “What’s going on?”

Coworker #1: “We were just trying to figure out how to fix the lamp if it burns out. Don’t worry—[my name] got it open.”

Manager: “Jeez, guys! How many employees does it take to change a light bulb?”

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The United States Of North, Central, And South America

| Fort Myers, FL, USA | Working | May 18, 2012

(We have a display of TVs that are tuned into a news channel. The story on the television is about a drug smuggling tunnel underneath the ground that crossed the US & Mexico border. One of my coworkers, who just started working the previous week, is watching it, puzzled.)

Coworker: “I just don’t see what the big deal is about this.”

Me: “You mean besides the fact that they’re smuggling drugs illegally across the border between two countries?”

Coworker: “No, they’re not. It says it’s between Mexico and Texas!”

Me: “Yeah, it is. Mexico’s not part of the United States.”

Coworker: “What are you talking about? Mexico is totally a state!”

Me: “How many states do you think are in the USA?”

Coworker: “57!”

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