Personally, I Prefer Stars And Polkadots

, , | Right | September 7, 2008

American Customer: “Your flag is just so pretty. I love maple leaves. Does it come in blue?”

Me: “Um, no, sorry. Only red.”

American Customer: “That’s a shame. My kitchen is blue, and it would look so pretty on the wall. You should make them in other colours.”

Me: “…”

Canadian Customer Behind Her: “That’s a good point. I’ve always thought the Stars-and-Stripes would look great in earth tones.”

American customer: “Our flag is ALWAYS red, white, and blue! Honestly, Canadians are so stupid sometimes.”


This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

1 Thumbs
6,968

Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones

, , , | Right | August 4, 2008

(Often I enter the beer cooler with shorts, a t-shirt, and some rubber-hand work gloves on.)

Me: *walks out of the cooler*

Customer: “Are you f****** insane? It’s freezing in there.

Me: “I don’t mind it.”

Customer: “That’s bull-s***! You know it’s cold. Why would you lie to me?”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m pretty sure I know my own tolerance and I’m working so I get a bit warm, even in there.”

Customer:Warm!? In a cooler?! You’re a god-d*** liar! How can you be warm in there?!”

Me: “I’m Canadian, and ever since my igloo melted I only feel at home in there.”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your loss.”

1 Thumbs
18,030

The War Of 1812 Revisited

, , , | Right | July 25, 2008

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

Old Man: “Thank you. Is your family doing anything for the 4th of July?”

Me: “Not really. We’re Canadian so we may hold a BBQ on July 1st, which is Canada Day.”

Old Man: “WHAT? You’re not American? I thought all foreigners had to become American when they came to this country!”

Me: “No, sir, my family all has green cards, so we’re all still Canadian citizens.”

Old Man: “I’M SICK OF ALL YOU F****** ILLEGAL ALIENS TAKING ALL OUR F****** JOBS! AN AMERICAN BOY SHOULD HAVE YOUR JOB!”


This story is part of our July 4th roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

1 Thumbs
1,915

Thank God They Took Away His Whip

, , , | Right | July 9, 2008

(This happened the day before Canadian Thanksgiving…)

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting fifteen minutes in line!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s a busy day today with the last minute shopping!”

Customer: “Well, you should have all the lanes open! Why isn’t that lane open?”

Me: “I assume she’s on her break at the moment…”

Customer: “You shouldn’t GET breaks when it’s busy!”

1 Thumbs
1,728

‘Boiled Babies’ Tends To Screw Up Your Résumé

, , , | Right | May 30, 2008

(My friend worked as a lifeguard in a swimming pool).

Customer: “This pool is too cold, can’t you see my baby is going blue?!”

Lifeguard: “I’ll check the temperature for you, but as all the other babies are fine it shouldn’t be too cold.”

(He takes a temperature reading and it is nearly 35 degrees C/95 degrees F.)

Customer: “Well, it’s still too cold.”

Lifeguard: *gives up* “Very well, if you would like to boil a lobster that’s fine by me.”

(Unfortunately, the customer had no sense of humor and shortly thereafter my lifeguard friend had no job.)

1 Thumbs
1,516