Coworker: “Hey, can you tell me if the men’s gloves are on sale?”

Me: “Yup! Everything in men’s today, except underwear and socks, is on sale for 50% off.”

Coworker: *exasperated sigh* “I KNOW they’re not 50% off! I want to know if they’re on sale!”

Me: “Yes… everything except underwear and socks is 50% off.”

Coworker: “So, it’s just underwear and socks that are 50% off?”

Me: “No, socks and underwear are the only things not on sale. Everything else is 50% off.”

Coworker: “So, are the gloves on sale or not?”

Me: “Yes.”

Coworker: “Well, for how much?!”

Me: “50% off!”

(This happened about six years ago when I was trying to spend my birthday money on comic books. A girl with a guide dog comes in all dressed up to pass in a resume. She gives it to the owner and smiles softly.)

Girl With Guide Dog: *to owner* “I was hoping you’d be hiring.”

Owner: *takes her resume* “How about you come in Wednesday at two for an interview?”

Girl With Guide Dog: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m hard of hearing. Would you mind facing me when you talk?”

Owner: *gruffly* “Nevermind. There are no openings. We just finished hiring.”

Girl With Guide Dog: *sadly* “Oh… thank you anyway.”

(Having overheard everything, ALL the customers in the store simultaneously left without buying anything. I haven’t been back since!)

(My coworker and I are standing in my department talking. An older lady comes up to my coworker.)

Customer: “Where can I find pants?”

Coworker: “I’m not sure, as I’m just a cashier. However, my coworker works in this department, so she can help you.” *motions to me*

Customer: “So you don’t know?”

Coworker: “No, I only work on cash.”

Customer: “So, there’s no one that can help me?”

Coworker: “This girl can help you.” *motions to me again* “She’s worked in this department a long time.”

Customer: “I want you to help me!”

Coworker: “Like I said, I work on cash. She works in this department, so she can help you.”

Customer: “I don’t want HER to help me.”

Coworker: “Well, she’s the only one working in this department today.”

Customer: “I guess no one can help me, then!” *storms off*

(I work at a pool as a lifeguard. We always have problems with children running, even though it is the number one rule at the pool to walk on deck.)

Child: *runs across deck*

Me: “Walk please.”

(Five minutes later, the same child runs the other way.)

Me: “WALK!”

(Five minutes later, the child runs in front of me. I stop the child to make sure she understands me.)

Me: “You need to walk, okay? If I need to ask you again, I will sit you out for three minutes.”

(The child walks away and gets back into the pool. The mother approaches me.)

Parent: “She’s not running. She just walks on her tip toes.”

Me: “It’s not the manner of her movement. It’s the speed she’s moving.”

Parent: “But she’s not running.”

(Her child runs past again.)

Me: “WALK!”

Parent: “But she’s not run—”

Child: *slips and falls*

(A customer comes into our microbrewery with his young son.)

Customer: *to his son, speaking French* “Don’t touch anything, okay?”

Child: “Okay.”

Me: “Teaching your son French early? That’s cool.”

Customer: “Yes, we only talk in French at home.”

Child: “What does he do?”

Customer: *speaking French* “He is just some stupid boy paying for his drug habit by working here. Don’t look at him.”

(The sale finishes going through and as the customer goes to leave.)

Me: *in my best French* “Isn’t French a great language to talk in? Anyway, enjoy the beer!”

Customer: *speechless*