(A customer comes in asking for dictation software. I showed him a very popular dictation package.)
Customer: “Does that use voice recognition?”
Me: “Yes, it does.”
Customer: “Oh, I don’t want that! Voice recognition doesn’t work. Do you have any dictation software that doesn’t use voice recognition?”
Me: “No, we do not.”
Customer: *looks annoyed and leaves*
(I recently bought a new computer to replace my previous one, which is over 20 years old and is completely obsolete. The following happens at an electronics store while I am shopping for a new modem. As the salesman shows me different models of modem, the conversation shifts to my new computer.)
Me: “I’m glad we finally bought a new computer. The old one is really obsolete. Surprisingly, it’s still working!”
Salesman: “Wait, so you have two computers now? Well, you should buy a router rather than a modem. That way, you can get internet on both computers.”
(The salesman immediately puts the modems away and starts looking in the routers alley, which are around 20 bucks more expensive than a modem.)
Me: “No, no. We are putting the old computer away. We will just use the new one.”
Salesman: “Well, if you had a router, you could still use the old one just in case.”
Me: “No, no. The old one is a 1990 Power Mac. It’s pretty obsolete nowadays, so we won’t use it anymore. I just need a modem for the new one.”
Salesman: “Your new computer is a Mac, too?”
Me: “Uhm, no.”
Salesman: “Then, I’ll have to find a router compatible both with Mac and PC. Let’s see…”
(Ignoring me, he starts searching in the expensive end of the router section.)
Me: *giving up* “Let me guess. You guys get a commission on all sales?”
Salesman: *absentmindedly* “Yes, why do you ask?”
(We have a TV in our hotel’s breakfast lounge. A guest is having trouble turning it on with the remote.)
Guest: “Can you turn on the TV, please? I can’t find the right button.”
Me: “Of course!” *turns on the TV*
Guest: “Oh, I didn’t know you had to press that button. Our remotes are different in Sudbury, you see.”
Me: “Sudbury has different remotes?”
Guest: *completely serious* “Yes, they’re quite thicker!”
(A young man in his early 20s approaches the counter. He is dressed very much like a typical frat boy.)
Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream parlor]! What can I get for you today?”
Customer: “Yeah, can I get cotton candy and cake batter ice cream mixed together? And when you put it in the bowl, can you put the cone on top like a hat and make a smiley face out of gummy bears?”
Me: “Awww, sure! Who’s it for?”
Customer: *quite seriously* “Me!”
Me: “Awesome.”
Coworker: “How do I print from this program?”
Me: “Ctrl-P.”
Coworker: “What? I do what?”
Me: “Press Ctrl-P.”
Coworker: “Where is that?”
Me: “Look at the bottom left-hand corner of your keyboard. Press Ctrl. Then press P.”
Coworker: “I’m looking. I can’t see a Ctrl-P button.”
Me: “No. It’s two buttons. Ctrl and P.”
Coworker: “Where’s P?!”
