Customer: “Excuse me, can you get someone to open another register?”
Me: “I’m afraid I’m the only cashier on duty today, so it’ll only be me up here until closing.”
Customer: “This is bulls***! I don’t have all day!”
The customer left her shopping cart and walked out. There were only two customers in front of her, and I finished their transactions in a matter of seconds.
I’m a cashier at a superstore. Someone hands me a coupon for some crayons that, of course, I have to check. Still valid, yes, it’s the right item… Oh, wait, only valid in the US — we’re in Canada — and the mail address is for Florida.
Me: “I’m sorry, but this coupon is only valid in the US. Don’t worry, though; it doesn’t expire for a year so on your next visit, you could use it!”
Customer #1: “Oh… okay.”
The next customer in line speaks up.
Customer #2: “I don’t believe you. You’re [Superstore]! You should be able to accept coupons for America because [Superstore] is in America, too.”
Me: “My manager says coupons can only be accepted if the mailing address on them is for Canada, and this one is for Florida so I cannot accept the coupon.” *To [Customer #1]* “Your total comes to [total].”
Customer #2: “I want to speak to your supervisor. This is ridiculous; just accept the coupon!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot accept any coupons under any circumstances that are not valid in Canada. Also, my manager is extremely busy right now and it would take at least five minutes for her to come over here and confirm that this coupon is not valid.”
A different manager walks by and sees this little argument.
Manager: “What’s the problem here?”
Me: “This lady has a coupon that says it’s only valid in the US and has a mailing address in Florida. Can we accept that?”
Manager: “Nope.”
The manager walked away, and I tried not to look too smug.
I am the supervisor on shift at a coffee shop in a busy but “shady” area of town. It is almost midnight and I watch a woman pick up an old cup of coffee off a patio table, walk up to the front counter, and approach my employee.
Lady: “This coffee you sold me is cold. Give me a new one.”
Employee: “I just saw you pick that up off the patio. You didn’t buy that.”
Lady: “F*** you! I paid for this. Get me new coffee now.”
Employee: “No, I’m not doing that. Please leave.”
Me: “I’m the supervisor, and I want you out of the store now.”
The lady swears at us. Then, she takes the cup of cold coffee and throws it right in my employee’s face. My employee doesn’t flinch.
Me: “Okay, get out now or I’m calling the cops.”
Lady: “F*** you! Look at what you did! There’s coffee all over my clothes! I want a free coffee, and you’re paying for my dry-cleaning, too, b****!”
She grabs the pretty full tip jar off the counter, claiming that will pay for her dry-cleaning, and leaves the store. She crosses the street and just hangs out on the opposite corner, while I flag a local cop and tell him what happened. He goes across the street, grabs her, and brings her back.
Cop: “Is this the lady who stole your tips?”
Lady: “I didn’t steal nothing! These people tried to rip me off! They ruined my clothes!”
Cop: “Empty your purse.”
After fighting for a few minutes, she dumped out her purse and change went all over the floor. The cop told us to take everything. The lady was screaming that some of it was HER money. The cop let us take it, and then put her under arrest when FIVE crack pipes came tumbling out with the change!
Years ago, I used to make a regular run between two cities for the company I worked for. I frequently picked up hitchhikers.
Hitchhiker: “Where are you headed?”
Me: “[City].”
Hitchhiker: “Great! The [Bus Company] driver knows me and he was being an a**hole and stranded me here. When do you expect to get to [City]?”
Me: “[Time].”
Hitchhiker: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Oh, yeah. I know my route pretty well.”
Hitchhiker: *Laughing* “We’ll beat the bus back. I’ll go talk to the station master when we arrive and I’ll tell him what the jerk did. The proof will be my luggage on the bus.”
I used to drive like a bat out of h***, so I beat the bus by about an hour. My return trip was 225 miles and we passed the bus on the highway before reaching town. I don’t know how it turned out as I dropped him off at the depot when we got in.
Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me how this Bluetooth headset works? It doesn’t have that clip that most other headsets do.”
Me: “Oh, it’s simple. All you do is shove it in your ear, and it’ll stay there.”
Customer: “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?! GET ME YOUR MANAGER, NOW!”
Manager: *coming over* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”
Customer: “I ASKED YOUR EMPLOYEE HERE A SIMPLE QUESTION, AND HE GAVE ME ATTITUDE FOR IT!”
Manager: “[My Name], is this true?”
Me: “Not at all! I was just explaining to him that in order to wear this headset, he just needs to shove this part into his ear.”
Customer: “NOW, HOLD ON— Wait, did you say ‘ear’?”
Me: “Yes, you just stick it in your ear, and it stays in place.”
Customer: “Oh. Oh, no. I can’t believe this; I thought you were telling me to shove it up my rear! What have I done?!”
