(A customer calls requesting a cable.)

Customer: “Hi. I am trying to connect my iPod to my stereo.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have a receiver, a small shelf system, or a boombox?”

Customer: “It’s a smaller stereo.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have a small plug that looks like a headphone plug that is labeled AUX, Audio IN, or anything of the sort?”

Customer: “Yes, there is a small round plug that says AUX.”

Me: “Okay, that’s easy. All you need is a 3.5mm male-to-male RCA cable.”

Customer: “Male-to-male as in boy-to-boy?”

Me: *knowing what is coming next and not caring* “Yes, it is just referring to whether it is a plug or a receptor of a plug.”

Customer: “Well, you are just disgusting!”

Me: “Sorry, that is just an industry standard term.”

Customer: “That is just one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard!”

Me: “Sounds good.”

Customer: *hangs up*

Employee: *making out a rain check* “Okay, I’m just going to look on the computer and check if any other locations have this item.”

Nice Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

Angry Customer: “Stop f***ing socializing and do your g**d*** job!”

Employee: “Sir, please don’t be abusive. I’m just checking our other loc–”

Angry Customer: “I don’t care! DO YOUR JOB!”

(At this point, the angry customer moved toward the counter in a very threatening way. The customer behind HIM, a super-fit guy in a UFC jacket, stepped in. Mr. UFC grabbed the angry customer in a CHOKE HOLD and dragged him outside, followed quickly by management. The angry customer was banned from the store and Mr. UFC got a gift card.)

(I’m standing right in front of about ten racks of toys and a giant sign that says “Toy Shop.”)

Customer: “Do you carry toys?”

Me: *turns, looks up at the sign* “Nope.”

(Customer walked off to continue their search.)

Related:
Ask A Stupid Question…

Customer: “Do you have burrito wrappers?”

Me: “Do you mean tortillas?”

Customer: “Well, I guess you could call them that.”

(I hostess at an upscale restaurant in a very nice part of town. I get a call like this about once a night on weekends, which are super busy.)

Customer: “Can I get a reservation for four at seven tonight for Dr. [Customer]?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, we’re booked solid from six to ten. I can get you a reservation for tomorrow night if you’re interested.”

Customer: “But I’m a doctor.”