(At the store where I used to work, most of our bags didn’t have handles. Only the largest size did. A woman was buying a greeting card, which, after scanning, I gave to her in a small paper bag.)

Woman: “Don’t you have any bags with handles?”

Me: “I’m sorry. The only bags we have with handles are these big ones.”

(I show her the large bag with handles.)

Woman: “Well THAT’S stupid!”

(She then proceeded to call a few other things stupid.)

Woman: “Fine, just give me the bag without handles.”

Me: “Do you want your receipt?”

Woman: *looking at me as in disbelief* “NO, I don’t want a RECEIPT!”

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Woman: “Well… you… DON’T have a nice day!”

This story is part of our Crazy Checkout Encounters roundup!

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Customer: *hands over US Currency while trying to buy a T-Shirt*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t take US Currency. We do, however, take debit, all major credit card–”

Customer: *cuts me off* “Why the h*** can’t you take my money?! This is the U. S. OF A!”

Me: “No, sir, this is the Yukon Territory, in Canada.”

Customer: “No it’s not! This is the USA! Alaska! I’ve been driving on the Alaska Highway for hours so that makes this Alaska!”

Me: “No sir. This is the Yukon… we’re part of Canada… the Alaska Highway LEADS to Alaska and–”

Customer: *again, cutting me off* “Don’t you ever look at a map?! The Yukon is IN Alaska, and that’s part of the United States! You HAVE to take my money!”

Me: “The Yukon is part of Canada, we are NEXT to Alaska, which is part of the United States…”

(The customer gets angry, slams his item on the counter and storms out, muttering something about “stupid kids.”)

This story is part of our 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!

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Me: “Thank you for calling The UPS Store, this is [My Name] speaking, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I need to find out how much it will be to send something to Iowa.”

Me: “I’d be happy to get you an estimate on shipping. Could I get the dimensions and weight of the box as well as the ZIP code of the destination?”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s probably about ten pounds, and about this big.”

Me: “Well, I need a ZIP code for the destination, but you didn’t really give me the dimensions of the box.”

Caller: “The ZIP code is 51365, and it’s about this big.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t see your hands, so you’ll have to give me some sort of numeric dimension to work with.”

Caller: “Oh, let me get a ruler–” *click*

Me: *sigh*

Customer: *in the store, who overheard the phone conversation* “Are you serious?!”

Me: “[Book and Music store] …can I help you?”

Caller: “Do you have Shakespeare in English?”

(I have a reputation of knowing good movies. Some customers get into the habit of just coming in and asking me what they should watch… especially when they want to seem intellectual. One customer is an a** one day so I give him a Russian movie that is slow, boring, and pretentious. He returns the movie about a week later.)

Me: “How’d you like it?”

Customer: “Man, you dropped the ball on this one. It sucked. Took me three nights to get through it. I kept falling asleep. I hate to have to pay this much money for it.”

Me: “Wow, I’m surprised. I don’t recommend it to a lot of people because I don’t think they’ll catch the subtle subtext in the imagery.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah… The meat of the story is really in the shot composition, the use of color, and the things that remain unsaid. It gets past a lot of people but I thought you would have caught that and enjoyed the message.”

Customer: “You know, don’t check that in yet. I’ll take it back and watch it again.”