(I’ve just moved to a small town, where the job market is even worse than most places. I’ve taken a job waiting tables at a small diner. I’m waiting on an older man and his wife when the following exchange takes place.)

Customer: “So, why didn’t you go to college?”

Me: “Um, I did.”

Customer: “Oh, didn’t make it?”

Me: “No. I graduated five years ago.”

Customer: “Well, I meant a real school… not like [local community college].”

Me: “Actually, I went to [Ivy League school].”

Customer’s Wife: “Oh, that’s a good school, dear!”

Customer: “So, what are you doing here?”

Customer’s Wife: “She’s trying to take your order. So stop being a jack*** and tell the nice girl what you’d like already!”

Me: “Would you like any sauces or ketchup, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ll take some of that Pomeranian Sauce.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Pomeranian Sauce!”

Me: “Uh… you mean Polynesian Sauce?”

Customer: “Oh! Yeah, that’s it!”

Me: “So, your total is going to be of 30 thousand colones (60 USD). Here you go, and have a nice day.”

Customer: “Oh, you’re so nice. Thank you, too. I was wondering if you could do something else for me?”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Customer: “I was told at my church that they needed more members, and I was asked to bring a few. Would you mind to come?”

Me: “Well, I apologize, but I wouldn’t like to.”

Customer: *gets defensive* “Why? Don’t tell me you think we’re all cultists that don’t care about God!”

Me: “I’m sure you’re not, but I don’t want to go.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not, then? I already told you we’re nice people, so why don’t you go?!”

Me: “Ma’am, if I offended you I apologize, however I don’t want to go. It’s not because you’re nice people or not; it’s because I’m an atheist.”

Customer: “So, you don’t believe in God, is that it? Well, f*** you! You’re going to Hell! What are you going to tell me next, that you’re a f***ing queer?”

Me: “In fact, I am a homosexual, but—”

Customer: “That’s all I needed to know! Being gay is a sin!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “F*** no! You’re kicking me out because I’m a Christian! That’s illegal, and it’s bulls***!”

(At this point, a man behind her speaks up. Note that he is a police officer in full uniform.)

Officer: “No, he’s kicking you because you already paid and you’re disturbing the peace. So, I’m going to give you my recommendation: Leave now, or I’ll arrest you.”

Customer: *suddenly pales and leaves without saying a word*

Me: “Thank you very much, Officer. Now, how may I help you?”

Officer: “Actually I didn’t need anything. I was just patrolling when I heard the conflict. However, now that you mention it…” *he blushes a little* “…I need to ask, would you go out in a date with me?”

Me: “…Of course!”

(The officer and I have now dating for nearly half a year.)

(I work with a surprisingly attractive staff. While I’m not ugly, the majority of my coworkers are more attractive than me. An elderly man walks up to me.)

Customer: “I want you to serve me. Attractive people never have good service. You are NOT attractive, so I know you’ll do a great job!”

Me: “Umm… thanks?”

(It is not very busy, but we are short-staffed so everyone is working hard. My manager helps me bag a particularly big order.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I believe my manager and I got all of your food. But, just in case, let me go over your receipt again.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(We go over the receipt together and find everything is correct.)

Customer: “Thank you, dear.”

Me: “You are very welcome, ma’am!”

Manager: “Did you go over her order again before you let her leave?”

Me: “Yes!”

(Five minutes later a man walks in brandishing a receipt and yelling.)

Man: “You idiots messed up my order!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Can I help you?”

Man: “Yeah, I came through drive-thru and didn’t get half of my order!”

(I look over the receipt and see it is from the previous customer that I just helped.)

Me: “Sir, I don’t think this is your order. I packed this order a few minutes ago, and it was for a lady on counter.”

Man: “How dare you accuse me of lying! I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “Fine.”

(The manager proceeds to tell him the same thing, but he won’t stop screaming at her. Eventually, he demands to see the store manager.)

Store Manager: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Man: “Look, I came through the drive-thru. This is my receipt, but your stupid employees won’t give me my food!”

Store Manager: “Well, sir, I am certain this is not your receipt.”

Man: “Oh yeah? Prove it!”

Store Manager: “Well, the top of the receipt says the order was taken from the register at the counter, which means it could not have been for a drive-thru order. And, according to the receipt, this was ‘Katie’s’ order. You don’t look like a ‘Katie.'”

Man: *thinks for a minute, then leaves defeated*

This story is part of our Scammer roundup!

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