(The bagel and sandwich shop I work at switches from disposable paper plates to re-washable plastic trays for our ‘for here’ orders. We haven’t been supplied with an exceedingly large amount of the trays. Many of our customers end up dumping them in the trash when they’re finished.)

Boss: “[Me]! Grab some plastic bags and gloves, and follow me outside.”

Me: “Okay, what are we doing?”

Boss: “Trash diving.”

Me: “…”

(He’s not kidding. We triple bag our shoes and jump in the dumpster to cut through our trash and fish out as many trays as we can. We manage to find nearly three dozen in among eight trash bags.)

Me: “[Boss], I want a raise.”

Boss: “I’ll think about it.”

(Later, fed up with more trays disappearing, the Boss brings in a role of caution tape. He uses it to tape a tray onto the push-door of each of our trash cans. Then he secures another tray to the area where trays are supposed to be left. The end result is a VERY obvious visual giving the message of, “Don’t throw away these trays, place them HERE!”)

Boss: “OKAY! So, how long do you think it’s going to be before another customer throws a tray away?”

Me: “People are pretty stupid. I wouldn’t be surprised if the first one does.”

Boss: “Seriously, right?”

(Sure enough, a few minutes later a customer gets up to leave. She goes to toss her trash and gets caught up as she sees the taped tray to the door. We watch as she slowly looks at the trash can, then up to the tray-receptacle, then back down to the trash can. Then she dumps it all, tray included, into the trash can. My boss throws a silent fit until the customer leaves. We all crack up at him as he rushes out front to dig the tray out of the trash.)

Boss: “I GIVE UP ON PEOPLE!”

(A rather elderly customer is purchasing several packs of cigarettes, and other items. After I give her the total, she pulls some money out of her purse. She decides to buy the cigarettes as a carton, for the larger discount. I tell her the new total and she suddenly looks confused.)

Customer: “Where’s the fifty dollar bill I gave you?”

Me: “You haven’t given me anything, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, I did. I handed you a fifty dollar bill.”

Me: “Are you sure? Maybe you put it back in your purse.”

(After arguing with me long enough for my coworker to serve four more customers at the other till, she finds the $50 bill… in her purse. She pays and leaves in a huff, via automobile. Moments later, a seven-year-old boy approaches the front doors, holding a beverage and looking confused. We stare in confusion ourselves, until the customer’s car pulls back into our parking lot. She had forgotten her grandson in our store.)

(I’ve just finished stocking an end-cap of soup cans. It has taken me about 20 minutes to get them all lined up properly. As I’m walking away, a little boy of about six or seven comes charging up. He kicks the cans on the bottom shelf over, sending them flying everywhere. Then, he grabs two and throws them, one hitting another customer in the shin and the other smashing right through a glass bottle of cheap wine.)

Me: “HEY! What the heck are you doing, kid?!”

Boy: “My mommy said I should go make someone else miserable for once!”

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(A customer has come in to pick up some parts they ordered. They provided part numbers and quantities. He is looking through the items. The manufacturer sells some of their small parts in package quantities only, and we always let customers know when they have to buy a whole package.)

Customer: “These five are individually packaged?”

Me: “Yes. You ordered five.”

Customer: “No. It’s supposed to be a pack of five.”

Me: “So you needed twenty-five?”

Customer: “I only need one, but they’re supposed to be $2 for a pack of five.”

Me: “Well, since we can buy them individually, we sell them individually. They’re $2 each.”

Customer: “But I don’t want five. I only need one. I only want to buy one if they’re individually packaged.”

Me: “That’s fine.”

(I take the others back and finish up the transaction. The customer intently looks over the receipt after I give it to him.)

Customer: *in a mildly upset voice* “You charged me shipping and handling.”

Me: “Yes. You ordered things we don’t keep in stock and we were charged to have them shipped in for you.”

Customer: “Look, I don’t want to be that a**-hole customer and stand here and argue like a jack-a**. I just want to have a conversation.”

Me: “Ok.”

(I wait for him to keep talking.)

Customer: “I just want to have a conversation.”

Me: “Ok.”

(Again, I wait for him to keep talking.)

Customer: “Instead of getting all upset.”

Me: “Ok.”

(I still wait for him to keep talking.)

Customer: “You charged me shipping and handling for something I didn’t even want. The one part was supposed to be $2 for a whole pack.”

Me: “Well, you called me with the part numbers you wanted. Right?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “And you also told me the amount of each you wanted. Right?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “The pricing and availability on what you wanted was looked up before they were ordered. You were told the pricing, on each, and package quantities. I told you what the prices would be plus tax and shipping. We don’t know the exact shipping amount until the items arrive. I gave you the option of paying more for shipping to get them here faster, which you declined, because you said you weren’t in a hurry.”

Customer: “I wasn’t told there would be shipping. The guy I talked to didn’t say anything about it. Nobody said anything about additional shipping and handling.”

Me: “You talked to me. When I gave you the prices I told you they would be plus tax AND shipping. You told me to go ahead with the order using the slower, cheaper, shipping option. I was also able to combine your order with an order of parts we normally stock, so you were only charged for part of the total shipping.”

Customer: “Uh, oh, well… um. Thanks for having a conversation with me.”

(The customer takes a couple of steps away, then suddenly switches to a perturbed huff.)

Customer: “I’m going to keep the extra shipping charges in mind the next time I need to find someplace to order parts.”

Me: “You do that, and I’ll be keeping in mind your reluctance to pay for what you ordered and the shipping you approved.”

(I am working as a phone operator at the hospital. Usually people call me and I connect them to different parts of the hospital.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. Can you connect me to the ‘vaginacologist’ please?”

(I knew what she wanted but was stunned because I have never heard anyone say that before.)

Me: “You mean, the gynecologist office?”

Caller: “I don’t know what they are called. Whoever is in charge of looking at my ‘hoo haw!'”