(I work at a 24-hour store as a cashier. From 7-8 am I am the only cashier on duty. A customer has just dumped two baskets FULL of travel size shampoos, conditioners, body washes, and sunscreens on the belt.)

Me: “Good morning, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Make sure you put everything in separate bags.”

(I look at literally hundreds of mini bottles on the belt and my eyes bug out.)

Me: “You mean all the shampoos in one bag, and all the conditioners in one bag?”

Customer: “Of course! You’re not that bright are you? No wonder you get s*** shifts at a crap place like this.”

(At this point, another customer gets in line behind her and I can see his eyes bug out at all of the items as I have to check.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am. That’s $98.74.”

(The customer starts digging through her purse to find her wallet.)

Customer: “I don’t have my wallet, so I don’t have my card.”

Me: “Do you have cash or any other way to pay for the items?”

Customer: “Do you not listen?! God you’re dumb! I don’t have anything!”

Me: “Well, give me a moment. I have to have my manager come over and void out the order.”

Customer: “You really should be nicer to your customers when your manager is around.”

(My manager comes up and voids the order, all the while hearing this customer bad mouth me.)

Other Customer In Line: “Lady, she’s just doing her job and she’s doing it rather well. I would have smacked you by now if you had talked to me that way. And if there is anyone dumb here, ma’am, it would be you who couldn’t even remember to bring your own wallet to the store with you.”

Manager: *to the first customer* “I’ve voided the order, but I will keep all of it at customer service for you today so you can come back and get it later and not have to wait in line again.”

(The customer gives the other customer in line behind her the finger, and huffs before leaving. My manager turns to the other customer in line.)

Manager: “So, how big of a discount would you like today, sir?”

Other Customer In Line: “Just my membership card thanks!” *to me* “You did good!” *grabs a chocolate bar from one of the racks* “Here, have this on me!”

Me: “Hi, welcome to [establishment]; what can I get for you today?”

Customer: *angrily* “I would like to speak to a manager immediately.”

(I go to the bathroom door where our manager is. She is currently feeling unwell, and thinks that she might be sick. I let her know someone is looking for a manager. I then return to the counter.)

Me: “She will be up here in just a moment; is there anything I can do?”

Customer: “Yes, you can tell your f****** manager to hurry it up! She’s so d*** fat, she takes forever to get up here.”

Me: “Well, I can imagine that being pregnant and being sick would make you a little larger and slower.”

Customer: “Oh…” *hastily leaves*

(I overhear an exchange while doing prep work.)

Customer: “Can I get everything on it?”

Coworker: “Sure thing.”

Customer: “Oh, wait, I don’t want mustard.”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m sorry, I already put it on there.”

Customer: “Oh… it’s okay.”

Coworker: “Are you sure? We can absolutely make you another sandwich.”

Customer: “No, no, I’m the one who said I wanted it on there!”

Coworker: “I promise, sir; I’ll make you a mustard-free sandwich.”

Coworker: “No, don’t even worry about it, please. I’ll take it as-is. It’s entirely my fault.”

Coworker: “Okay, sir, if you promise it’s okay! I’m sorry there’s mustard on it!”

Customer: “Oh don’t be silly; I’m the one who should be sorry.”

(I turn and look at another worker who looks straight at me.)

Me: “That guy is the best guy in the entire world.”

Second Coworker: “Yes. Yes he is. I think he deserves a medal.”

(Our home phone number is only one digit different from a local supermarket. We get about one call a month intended for them. I’m about 14 years old.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “I have a complaint.”

Me: “Uh… this isn’t—”

Caller: “You are all incompetent! Why is my delivery so late?”

Me: “Look this is a private number—”

Caller: “I have friends coming over! I’m hosting a dinner party, and I have no food because you are all useless!”

Me: “I’m sorry but—”

Caller: “I want to speak to your manager! I want—”

(I give up and hang up. The phone rings almost immediately.)

Caller: “HOW DARE YOU RANG UP ON ME, YOU B****!”

(I hang up again. The phone rings again.)

Caller: “GIVE ME YOUR SUPERVISOR RIGHT F****** NOW! I’M GOING TO HAVE YOUR JOB, YOU LITTLE S***!”

Me: “Oh, you want to speak to Mum or Dad?”

Caller: “…what?”

Me: “Like I tried to tell you: this isn’t [shop]; this is a home number.”

Caller: *very small voice* “…What?”

Me: “This isn’t [supermarket].”

Caller: “But… but… I called them! WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING THEIR PHONE!?”

(I hang up again, and tell my dad he is answering if she calls back. She does. It is a very short conversation.)

(I am browsing the board games in the toy aisle. I am on the border of the action figures, and the dolls aisles. A mother and young daughter walk by.)

Mother: “Boys have so much cooler toys.”

Daughter: “What?”

Mother: “Don’t you want a boy toy?”

Daughter: “No!”