Great stories from our entire backlog!

Cash Back, Government Style

, , , | Right | September 15, 2010

Me: “Okay, that’s £10.00, please.”

Customer: *handing me cash* “Could I have £10 cash-back, as well, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you need to pay on your card to get cash-back.”

Customer: “Oh, do you?”

Me: “Yes. Otherwise, we’d just be giving you money.”

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Driving Miss Crazy

, , | Right | April 13, 2009

(I was coming home on the bus and overheard a conversation between an elderly lady and the bus driver.)

Lady: “Oof! Do you mind?! You’re so awful!”

Bus Driver: “I’m sorry, ma’am? What’s the problem?”

Lady: “You keep starting and stopping the bus! I keep falling forward and backward, and it’s taking so long for me to get home. It’s getting dark!”

Bus Driver: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am. I have to stop at the designated stops.”

Lady: “Stop making excuses! There’s no reason to be doing this. Just ignore the stops!”

Bus Driver: “So you want me to ignore all the other people wanting to get on the bus?”

Lady: “Well, yes! Finally you understand! You can go back afterwards and get them! Is it so much to ask for good help anymore?!”

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Anger Rising, Just Like The Plane

, , , , , | Right | January 20, 2020

I’m moving from a small seaside town in Australia back home to New Zealand. This involves a flight from the small town to Adelaide, Adelaide to Melbourne, and then finally from Melbourne to New Zealand. There are long stopovers in Adelaide and Melbourne, meaning the trip will take the better part of 24 hours.

My partner is staying in Australia for a couple of months to finish out a lucrative contract, so we’ll be long distance for that time. To top it off, I manage to get food poisoning, so I spend the trip throwing up in airport and airplane bathrooms. I’m feeling totally miserable.

Staff have been fantastic and have moved me to the back row of the plane by the bathrooms. The back of the plane is mostly empty, and I have the entire row to myself. I’m on the final flight from Melbourne to home and they have announced that all passengers must be in their assigned seats for takeoff and landing. Being so close to done, I can’t wait to get home and into bed. 

Another passenger has moved to the row opposite me and spread out, despite the air hostess asking him multiple times to return to his assigned seat. She even promises that she’ll save the row for him so he can move back after takeoff. 

The man is getting more and more belligerent and refuses to move, wanting to know why he can’t stay. I can hear staff discussing if they need to delay takeoff and have him removed by security.  

I’m sick, exhausted, and just want to get home. So I snap. It should also be noted that I’m barely five feet tall and I’m wearing a sparkly pink jumper at this point. 

“Listen here, you f****** idiot. They’ve asked you to sit in your assigned seat for takeoff and landing because that’s when the plane is most likely to crash. The likelihood of surviving a crash is slim to none, so the hope is, if you’re in your seat and buckled in, your charred, mangled corpse will still be tethered to it. That way DVI (disaster victim identification) experts like myself can match your body to your seat number as an identification start point and maybe give your family something to bury! Furthermore, civil aviation law requires you to comply with all crew instructions. So, get your f****** a** up and back to your seat before you’re thrown off and arrested, and piss me off further than you already have!” 

The man — and air hostesses — look shocked, but he quietly gets up and moves back. 

I apologize to the air hostesses for my outburst and language. But they tell me there is no need and they can’t have been nicer, bringing me ginger ale and crackers after takeoff. 

Shockingly, the guy doesn’t try to move back to the empty row after takeoff.


This story is part of our Terrible Airline Passengers roundup!

Read the next Terrible Airline Passengers roundup story!

Read the Terrible Airline Passengers roundup!

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Kids, This Is What We Call “Scapegoating”

, , , , | Right | August 5, 2008

Kid: “Mommy, I want this candy!”

Mom: “No, you can’t have the candy. Put it back.”

Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!”

Mom: “You can’t have it!”

Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!”

(At this point, the mom takes the candy from the kid and hands it to me.)

Mom: *points at me* “The bad man took the candy! You can’t have it because the bad man took it!”

Kid: *in tears* “Why did you take the candy?!”

Me: *speechless*


This story is included in our Candy roundup!

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Click here to read the Candy roundup!

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On A Completely Different Wavelength

| Right | October 8, 2013

Customer: “I am looking for a portable radio with headphones I can use while I walk or go to the gym.”

Me: “Certainly! May I suggest this unit right here? It is actually an all-in-one unit; the radio is a part of the headphone assembly itself.”

Customer: “I would rather have the headphones and radio be separate.”

Me: “Well, we have multiple pocket radios with a headphone jack right over here. Do any of these look like what you are looking for?”

Customer: “I would rather have a larger unit I can keep on the table, and plug into the wall.”

Me: “Well, this unit right here is a little larger but can still be carried on you, and can plug into the wall as well as use headphones. It will charge while it’s plugged in, and you can take it with you when you walk or travel.”

Customer: “But I don’t want it to use batteries.”

Me: “So you want it to be a wall-socket only, non-battery powered, portable radio you can use while you walk and exercise?”

Customer: “Yes, why is that so complicated?”

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