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His Attitude Has Hit Rock Bottom

, , | Right | March 16, 2015

(A customer calls in, requesting tips for how to get rid of the ants in his garden. I give him several tips but he is very patronizing throughout the call and rather rude.)

Me: “…or, if neither of those things work, come winter, you can try and freeze the ant-hill from within.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: “You take an iron rod and stick it as far into the ground as possible, and leave it there over winter, and—”

Customer: “So, how far down do I need to stick it?”

Me: “Well, as far as you can, to make sure you get it through their entire colony. One meter is usually recommended.”

Customer: *in a very condescending tone* “Hah, you obviously don’t know what you are talking about! Let me tell you, I live on the WEST COAST. The soil here is no deeper than half a meter at most! There is no possible way I can stick an iron rod a whole meter down into the ground. I would obviously hit the bedrock way before that. So there is no way your stupid suggestion would work to get rid of the ants. I could never penetrate their entire colony.”

Me: “…but, if there is bedrock half a meter down, the ants cannot live further down either.”

Customer: “Oh. I never thought about that. I guess you are right. Do you have any more suggestions?”

(He was very polite and grateful after that!)

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Have Your Cake And Eat It

| Right | July 25, 2013

(I am working the counter at a bakery. An older customer comes up to order.)

Customer: “Hi, can I get a chocolate croissant and red velvet cupcake please?”

Me: “Oh, good choices! The red velvet cupcake is my favorite. I was actually going to get one on my break.”

(I go to grab his order, and realize there’s only one cupcake left.)

Me: “Lucky you, you got the last one!”

Customer: “Oh… are you sure you don’t want it? I can get something else.”

Me: “It’s okay, sir; that’s just the luck of the draw I guess.”

(He reluctantly accepts. Once he pays for his food, he takes the cupcake and puts in on the counter.)

Customer: “For you, my dear.”

Me: “What? No sir, it’s really okay. I can always get one tomorrow!”

Customer: “Well, I’m leaving it on the counter and walking away. What you do with it is up to you. Have a good day!”

(True to his word, he leaves the store. I have to say it was the best cupcake I ever had!)

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Customer Service Is Not At Your Service

| Working | December 13, 2013

(My boyfriend and I have just walked into a coffee shop that is quite busy.)

Manager: “I’ll be with you guys in just a minute.”

Me: “Okay!”

(The manager turns away from my boyfriend and me, to his employees.)

Manager: “So corporate is making a big deal about stepping up our customer service this year. We are offering a survey. If customers fill it out then they get specials and such sent to them. We really want to stress this year how important our customers are…”

(The manager goes on like this for several minutes, the entire time stressing how important their customer service is. Finally, another employee finishes making several drinks for other people and comes over to take our drink orders.)

Employee #1: “Sorry about the wait guys. What can I get for you?”

Me: “It’s no problem. I will have [drink] and my boyfriend will have a [other drink].”

Employee #1: “No problem. That’ll be [total]. It’ll be just a minute before its ready.”

Me: “Okay.”

Employee #1: “Hey, [Manager]. Can you please make these two their drinks while I get the line down?”

Manager: “Sure! It’ll be just a minute, guys.”

Me: “No problem!”

(To my surprise, the manager turns away from us again and starts talking to his employees, still stressing the importance of extra good customer service. Once again a different employee steps in to make our drinks. At this point we have been in the store for nearly 15 minutes.)

Employee #2: “I am so sorry about the wait, you guys. Here are your drinks.”

Me: “It’s no problem at all!”

(My boyfriend and I had a good laugh about being ignored repeatedly by a man explaining how important good customer service is.)

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Flawed Proof Of Concept

| Friendly | February 27, 2014

(I work downtown near one of the private religious universities. At least twice a week I am approached by members of one of their Christian outreach groups. I usually just smile and decline politely and go on my way, but this time they follow me to my bus stop.)

Girl: “Excuse me! Did you know that you have a holy mother and a holy father?”

Me: “No… A group of you tried to talk to me about this yesterday. I’m really not interested, thanks. My bus is going to be here soon.”

Girl: “Well, we’ll just talk while you wait! Are you a follower of Jesus Christ?”

Me: “No.”

Girl: “Oh. Well, do you believe in God?”

Me: “No.”

Girl: *disappointed* “Oh. Can I ask why not?”

Me: “You can ask, but it’s hard to explain. It wasn’t one thing. I was raised Christian, but over time I just realized I didn’t believe any of it. And that it’s far more likely that all religions are wrong than that there is one that happens to be right.”

Girl: “Well, have you read the Bible?”

Me: “Yes. Honestly, it’s part of the reason I’m an atheist.”

Girl: “Sometimes people read things but they really don’t UNDERSTAND them, you know? We have a great group and we’d love for you to come and learn more and help you understand the message of the Bible.”

Me: “Again, I’m really not interested. Thanks.”

Girl: “What if we gave you proof?”

Me: “Proof of what?”

Girl: “That the Bible is real.”

Me: “If you honestly think you can do that, then our definitions of ‘proof’ are very different.”

Girl: “Well, you believe in history, right?”

Me: “History is just past events. You don’t ‘believe’ or ‘not believe’ in—”

Girl: “Well, there’s historical things in the Bible! There’s real historical people and places in it! That’s proof right there for you!”

Me: “Yes, but there are also ‘historical things’ in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and that doesn’t make it true.”

(The girl’s mouth drops as she tries to formulate a response. Fortunately, I was saved by the bus!)

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Despicable Wee

| Learning | November 24, 2013

(I’m on a school trip at the Museum of Natural History. There’s a much younger group of students from a different school there, too, so I overhear the following conversation between two kids.)

Kid #1: “Oh my god! [Kid #2], look!”

(Kid #1 points at a Greek carving of a man that shows his you-know-what.)

Kid #2: “Wow! Now that’s just despicable! Despicable!”

(Their teacher comes over to see what the fuss is about.)

Teacher: “Hey, what’s the problem?”

Kid #1: “Look! It’s showing a dangly thing!” *points to the carving*

Kid #1: “It’s despicable!”

Teacher: “…Congratulations, you have just found a man’s nuts. Now let’s move on…”

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