(A customer is calling because iTunes can’t detect her new iPad. I pick up the phone and she speaks immediately.)

Customer: “I swear that if, at any point in this conversation, you tell me to buy a Mac, I will find you and kill you.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’m not telling you to buy a Mac, but you should know that they cut back on compatibility issues and-”

Customer: “Don’t do it. Just stop now. Make the PC work. I believe in you.”

(I work at a restaurant where customers can call and place an order to pick up).

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, how many wings can you get in an order?”

Me: “We have orders of 6, 12, 18, 24, 50, and 100. Would you like to order some?”

Customer: “Yes, I want 20.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have 20. The closest we have to 20 is 18.”

Customer: “How many wings come in your 18-piece?”

Me: “… 18.”

Customer: “Okay, are you sure?”

Me: “I can say for a fact that the 18-piece wing order comes with 18 wings.”

(This went on for a few minutes. Back and forths of, “Are you sure?” and, “Yes, sir, I am sure you get 18 wings in an 18 wing order.”)

Me: “Now what can I get you today?”

Customer: “I think I’m going to eat elsewhere.” *click*

(I have just finished ringing Customer #1, and wished her a good evening. I turn to Customer #2:)

Customer #2: “Hello, I need someone to get me something from back in the store.”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be happy to help! What can we get you?”

Customer #2: “I need two bags of [Brand], chicken and pea for cats. It has a green stripe on the top.”

Me: “All right, are you sure about the formula? I don’t think [Brand] comes in chicken, it’s usually turkey.”

Customer #2: “Yes, I get it here all the time. It’s chicken.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

(Upon reaching the aisle with our [Brand] formulas, I find they are all either turkey & potato, or salmon & potato. Rather than automatically assume that this is the bag, since changing proteins can be rather serious for cats, I decide to go back up and confirm what she wanted.)

Me: “Ma’am, it’s as I thought… there is no [Sub-Brand] chicken and pea. It’s only turkey and salmon protein formulas.”

Customer #2: “No, I didn’t say [Sub-Brand], did I? I said [Brand]. I get it here all the time. It’s very expensive. You obviously didn’t look in the right spot or don’t know what you’re talking about. I suppose I’m going to have to go all the way back there myself to educate you on where it is, and I’m not very happy about it.”

(While she’s on her rambling fit, I page my manager to the front to assist the customer for two reasons: one, it is obvious she is going to be an issue and two, I have to ring the customers present in my line. The whole time she continues to ramble on until Customer #1, who has not yet left, interjects:)

Customer #1: “Ma’am, if you’d stop complaining for two seconds, you’d understand that he did what he could to find your food.”

Customer #2: “Then he needs to get someone–”

Customer #1: “If you were paying attention you’d hear that he already did page an associate up to assist you. Maybe if you’d shut up you’d notice that instead of moaning. I don’t work here, but you’ve gotta be polite when talking to people.”

(Around this time, my manager has arrived at the front. After the long transaction, my manager comes back up to me.)

Manager: “So… that lady has issues. I tell her we’ll find whatever it is she’s looking for if she’d just describe the bag to me. When she tells me it’s ‘[Brand]’ I automatically think of [Sub-Brand], and she yelled that it wasn’t. She then said that it was this bag of [Different Brand], which I can’t even see anyplace on the bag it says the word ‘basics.’”

Me: “Yeah, I tried to explain that, too…”

Manager: “Then she says she’s legally blind and that that would explain that… Fine. She has me check the bags over for holes, and they look good. Then, as I’m ringing her up, her savers card can’t be found, and she complains about that and how we never get it right and that she’s going to shop at the other store from now on. Then I ask her which car is hers and where she wants them in the car… She tells me ‘the red one.’ I then ask again where she wants them and she said ‘the. Red. Car!’ So I say, ‘The. Trunk? Or. The. Front. Seat?’ So, she has me toss them in the front seat…”

(Moments later…)

Manager: “So… wait… she told me she’s legally blind. What the h*** is she doing driving?!

(I am 23 years old and due to some complications when I was younger have hearing loss in my left ear. I do have a hearing aid but it occasionally cuts out if a noise is something that will harm my ear. My hearing aid is a BTE (Behind The Ear) model and i have my hair cut in a fashion to cover it. I have come to the liquor store to buy some drinks to mix for a party I am having. I approach with a cart that has various types of alcohol (about 20 bottles total). The cashier is an older woman who looks down at the cart then up and me and huffs.)

Cashier: *as I reach into the cart to grab the first few bottles to place on the counter* “I hope you have your ID, otherwise you are going to have to put all those back.”

Me: *I grab my ID and hand it to her* “Sorry, I should have got that out first.”

(I go back to grab the bottles. Note my ID is still the ‘underage vertical’ so bars can tell the difference quicker. But it is still valid for five more years.)

Cashier: *barely looking at the ID* “Sorry hun, looks like you are going to have to put it all back. Your ID says you are underage.”

Me: “Umm… If you look at my birthday you will see I am 23.”

Cashier: *she looks closer at my ID* “Still, your ID is invalid. You needed to get a new one after turning 21.”

Me: “It’s still valid until 2019. I do not need to renew it until then.” *I continue to unload my cart*

Cashier: “Fine, then.” *she starts to ring me up then says* “If you can pay for all this crap.”

Me: “I am sorry, did you say something?” *the beeping of the register caused my hearing aid to cut out*

Cashier: “Do you have enough money to pay for this? I don’t want to bag everything just to have to put it all back.”

Me: “Yes, I have enough; I have been saving up for it.”

Cashier: *continues to ring me up* “You shouldn’t be drinking this much alcohol, you know. It makes people stupid.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Cashier: “Alcohol makes people do stupid things.”

(I ignore her comments for the remainder of her ringing me up, and am not focused when she mentions the total.)

Me: “I am sorry could you repeat the total, please?”

Cashier: “I thought you said you had enough money.” *she says with a sly grin*

Me: “I do. I just didn’t hear you.”

Cashier: “Kids these days don’t listen to a thing people say. I said your total is [total].”

Me: *I open my wallet* “You said the total was [total]?”

Cashier: “Yes, gawd, are you deaf?”

Me: “Half actually.”

Cashier: *looking at me quizzically* “What did you say?”

Me: *flipping my hair behind my hearing aid, then grabbing the amount in cash out of my wallet* “I said that I am half deaf. You should be nicer to customers, and never assume anything based on age or appearance.”

Cashier: *deer in headlights look* “Here is your receipt…”

(I am a temp for a large mobile services provider, in a call center dedicated to the provider’s loyalty program. Every summer they would give out free books, movie tickets, etc. on particular dates for all paying customers. The caller in this call was around 40 years old.)

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [Provider]’s loyalty program. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “I want the free movie.”

Me: “I’m sorry, Madam, but the free movie offer ended last week. We have a free book offer this week—”

Caller: “No, I don’t want any books. I just want the free movie you promised.”

Me: “Again, Madam, I’m sorry, but that offer is now over.”

Caller: “But I didn’t know about it on time!”

Me: “Well, Madam, that’s unfortunate, but you’re welcome to take advantage of the offers we still have—”

Caller: “No. You will give me a free movie! Make an exception! Talk to your manager!”

Me: “Madam, we cannot make an exception. The company signed a contract with [Cinema Chain] for a specific period. Now that the period is done, there’s nothing we can do about it.”

Caller: “But you should have told me! No one told me so it’s your fault and I want the free movie!”

Me: “Madam, we had ads on billboards in several major streets in your city—”

Caller: “I don’t go out much.”

Me: “We also had ads in every major newspaper—”

Caller: “I don’t read any newspapers.”

Me: “And several major radio stations—”

Caller: “I don’t listen to the radio.”

Me: “And there was a colourful ad in your monthly bill—”

Caller: “I always disregard those.”

Me: “And a whole ton of ads on our website and major news websites—”

Caller: “I don’t use the Internet.”

Me: “And every single client of [Provider] got a text message about it.”

Caller: “Oh, those I never read.”

Me: “Then how, Madam, did you expect us to inform you of this offer, if you disregard every single publicity method we use?”

Caller: *reproachfully* “Well, I’d expect you to call me!”