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The Devil You Know

| Right | August 19, 2011

(I am getting ready to wash a resident’s open wound. While I am putting on my gloves, the resident sees that I am wearing a ring that marks me as a member of a certain Christian sect. It is a sect that many other Christians do not consider to be Christian, and there is a fair bit of prejudice towards us.)

Resident: “Is there anyone else who could do this?”

Me: “[Coworker] is the only other person on the unit today qualified to do this. Is something wrong?”

Resident: “Your ring. I don’t want to be touched by one of you demons. You’re a sex-crazed cult.”

Me: “I am sorry you feel that way, ma’am. If you’re uncomfortable with me, I can certainly get [coworker].”

Resident: “I’m so glad you’re here. Her lifestyle is just so sex-crazed and evil. It’s frankly un-Christian!”

Coworker: “You do know that she is a virgin who has never smoked or drank in her life and carries a picture of Christ in her wallet, right?”

Resident: *speechless*

Coworker: “Oh, and one more thing. I’m an atheist, I live with a man I’m not married to, and I have three kids.”

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Don’t Get Into A Hufflepuff About It

| Learning | October 7, 2013

(I walk into a classroom and see one table ready.)

Me: *pointing to that table* “Ten points to Gryffindor for being ready!”

Kids: “Yay!”

Me: “You know the points mean nothing, right?”

Kids: “Who cares? We have 10 of them!”

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Pint-Sized Theatrics

| Right | December 20, 2012

(I am the lead actress in a play called ‘Man of La Mancha’. During one performance, a small child has been rather vocal during the show, but he was expressing his enjoyment of it, so I didn’t much mind. Later in the show, there is a scene where my character is violently attacked by a group of men. While I’m not in any real danger during the fight, I am acting afraid and screaming for help, so the effect is quite harrowing and the audience is usually hushed. Except for this night.)

Me: *in character, having been thrown to the floor* “Help! Someone please help me!”

(A moment of silence.)

Little boy in audience: *to the men* “You stop that!”

(My fellow actors and I have a good laugh about it backstage for the rest of the show. Afterwards, we go out to greet the audience in costume, at which point the little boy and his parents approach me.)

Mother: “You were all wonderful! And I’m very sorry if my little boy disrupted your performance, but he was very worried about you, and we’ve always taught him to stand up to bullies.”

Me: “Not at all!” *to the little boy* “Thank you for telling those men to stop. You were very brave.”

Little boy: *beaming* “You’re welcome! Are you okay?”

Me: “I’m just fine. It’s all pretend anyway, lil’ guy. We were just pretending to fight, I promise.”

Little boy: *somewhat unsure* “Okay… but if they try to beat you up again, you tell my daddy and he’ll take them to jail.” *gives me a big hug*

Me: *stifling laughter* “Okay, I promise!”

(I heard from one of the other actors who plays the ringleader of the men that he then approached him and told him that hitting girls was very bad, and to never ever do it again. My co-star, playing along, promised not to and told the little boy he had learned a valuable lesson. Now after we play that scene, I always threaten the guys with my pint-sized bodyguard and his policeman father.)

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Go MacGuyver Go

, , , | Right | October 14, 2008

(I work at a bulk food store, where prices are given on the bins for 100 grams, and 1 pound of the product.)

Customer: “Why isn’t this weighing in pounds? The sign had it in pounds!”

Me: “The signs have it in both pounds and grams, and since Canada uses the metric system, we weigh according to kilograms.”

Customer: “Kilograms are not grams!”

Me: “Grams go into kilograms, sir.”

Customer: “No, they don’t! I am the customer, and I want this scale to weigh in pounds!”

(Note that this is a scale only weighs in kilograms, with ‘kg’ painted on permanently next to the display.)

Me: “That’s impossible, sir.”

Customer: “No, it’s not; it’s what I want. I work with computers. I can change this.”

Me: “You do that…”


This story is part of our Metric System roundup!

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Good InstaGrief

| Learning | May 18, 2013

(It’s the last day of classes and the fire alarm goes off during the last period. When we exit the building, we discover it wasn’t one of the common false alarms, and are greeted with a large pillar of smoke coming from one of the lower floors.)

Friend: “Wow. So I guess there actually was a fire.”

(I take out my camera phone.)

Friend: “You’re taking a picture?”

Me: “I’m a young adult with a cameraphone at a mildly interesting and unique event. Of course I’m going to take a picture.”

Friend: *facepalm*

Me: “This MUST be documented!”

Friend: “Fine. But when we retell the story, we narrowly escaped the flames trying to save our TA.”

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