Like Father, Like Son

| Right | September 14, 2008

(A guy walks up to the register carrying his two or three year old son and places him on the counter.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us?”

Guy: “No, and I don’t want one either. No!”

(The little boy grabs the stylus from the PIN pad and starts trying to draw.)

Little Boy: “No! No! No! No!”

Me: *jokingly* “See, look what you taught him.”

(The guy tries to take the stylus from his son.)

Guy: “Give me the d*** pen!”

Little Boy: “Give me the d*** pen! Give me the d*** pen!”

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The Art Of Ignorance

| Right | January 7, 2012

(I’m working as a concierge in a popular hotel in the city. At this time, there is a popular exhibition at the National Art Gallery featuring a number of Renaissance artists. I’ve just sold some tickets to a woman in her 40s.)

Guest: “Thank you for these. I just love the classics!”

Me: “Yes, the Renaissance exhibition is getting very popular.”

Guest: “Still, it’s not as exciting as that French artist…What’s his name? Oh, Machiavelli!”

Me: *confused* “Oh, you mean Monet?”

Guest: *angry* “No! I mean MACHIAVELLI! Jeez, why am I even explaining this to a concierge?! It isn’t like you guys even understand what art is!” *walks off haughtily*

This story is part of our “Not Getting Art” Roundup!

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It’s No Sweat Because There’s No Service

| Working | April 9, 2013

Me:  “Hi! I’m calling you today because the repair tech you sent to my house needs parts to fix my treadmill, but you won’t release them.”

Warranty Guy:  “Your ‘no sweat’ warranty covers labor and parts, but the parts are actually still covered under the manufacturer’s warranty.”

Me:  “So, the parts are covered?”

Warranty Guy:  “Yes.”

Me:  “Great! Then why won’t you release them?”

Warranty Guy:  “It’s not us that won’t release them. It’s the manufacturer.”

Me:  “…But you said that they are still covered.”

Warranty Guy: “Right, but in case it runs out, your ‘no sweat’ plan will still cover them for two more years!”

Me:  “Right… but why won’t the manufacturer release them?”

Warranty Guy:  “According to our records, the treadmill manufacturer needs your proof of purchase.”

Me:  “I sent that to you guys with my claim, as I bought it through you.”

Warranty Guy:  “Yup. We have it here. You bought it on 11/4/11, and I see that the treadmill manufacturer needs it to release the parts.”

Me:  “Um… do you think you could send that proof of purchase to them?”

Warranty Guy: “I can’t send it to them, but if you call your repair tech, he can call them and tell them to call us and we will authorize the release of parts.”

Me:  “…Wait. I thought it was the manufacturer that needed to authorize the release.  But you’re saying that you need to authorize the release of parts?”

Warranty Guy:  “Well, the manufacturer has to authorize the release of parts to the repair tech, but they need to call us so that we can authorize it.”

Me:  “I’m confused. So the manufacturer can’t release the parts until you authorize it?”

Warranty Guy: “Right.”

Me: “So, could you call them to authorize it?”

Warranty Guy:  “No, you need to call your repair tech. Your repair tech has to call them, and to tell them to call us.”

Me: “What part about this process is ‘no sweat’?!”

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Quarter Of A Dollar, Quarter Of A Brain

| Right | February 21, 2012

Customer: *placing coin in front of me* “This is a dollar.”

Me: “That’s a quarter.”

Customer: “Right, a quarter dollar.”

Me: “Yes, a quarter dollar.”

Customer: “So which is it, a quarter or a dollar?”

Me: “It’s a quarter.”

Customer: “Then why does it say quarter dollar?”

Me: “Because it’s a quarter of a dollar.”

Customer: *uproarious laughter*

Me: “I wasn’t kidding.”

Customer: *leaves looking extremely disappointed*

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It’s Scary What They Want Refunds For

| Right | June 17, 2014

(A woman walks into our haunted house with her 10-year-old son, buying admission for the two of them. After she comes out, she storms over to me, a look of anger on her face.)

Customer: “Refund. Now!”

Me: “Ma’am, as you can see by this sign, we have a strict ‘No Refund’ policy.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want my money back, and I want it now! I want to speak with the manager of this place.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I am the manager.”

Customer: “Well, then you can give me a refund.”

Me: “Before we take this any further, I’d like to know why you want a refund.”

Customer: “Do you have any idea how bad this place scared my child? He was terrified!”

Me: “Well, in that case, I certainly cannot give you a refund.”

Customer: “Oh? Why’s that?”

Me: “You see, ma’am, this is a haunted house. Our job here is to scare and frighten everyone who comes in here. You said you son was scared when he went in. Then you got what you paid for.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I didn’t think it would scare him THAT bad!”

Me: “Then we’ve exceeded expectations.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! You scared a little ten year old boy to death!”

Me: “As I stated, that is our job. It is up to the family of children to decide whether the child should go in or not.”

Customer: “I think it would be up to the workers here to not scare a child who’s coming through!”

Me: “Then they wouldn’t be doing their job, ma’am.”

Customer: “So, I can’t get a refund?”

Me: “I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “You should change the policy about refunds, then.”

Me: “I have no power to do that. I’m the manager, but not the owner. And he has told us that if we were to give out refunds, we would have no profit, because people would abuse the refunds right. This is why we can’t do it.”

Customer: “No refund?”

Me: “No refund, sorry.”

Customer: “Well, then I’m NEVER coming back to this place ever again!”

Me: “Okay.”

(The woman looked at me in disbelief for a few seconds before she briskly walked away, murmuring something to herself.)

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