Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 4

| Right | March 20, 2014

Customer: *at my closed register* “Can you check me out?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m closing this register. The next register is open, and my associate can check you out.”

Customer: *sighs* “Her line is too long. I need you to do it. I’m in a hurry.”

Me: “I can’t. As soon as I opened this register to count the till, it’s officially closed. I can’t do anything about it. You’ll have to go to the next register.”

Customer: *glares at me and leaves her full buggy in front of me* “I’m going to pray against you tonight.”

Coworker: “I bet she will, too.”

 

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Beyond Even The Power Of Pixel Dust, Part 2

, , , | Right | April 15, 2011

(An elderly lady comes in with a very blurry and old photo she wants made bigger.)

Customer: “This is a photo of my son. He was in a band in the eighties! I want it made bigger!”

Me: “Madam, this photo is very damaged, blurry, and old. It’s probably better that you get it just the standard size so you won’t notice the loss of quality so much.”

Customer: “What do you mean it’s no good? This photo is a good photo! I want it about A4 size!”

Me: “Okay. Do you happen to have the negative?”

Customer: “No, it never had a negative. It was taken with a digital camera!”

Me: “It must have a negative. They didn’t have digital camera’s in the eighties.”

Customer: “Yes they did! It was digitised!”

Me: “Okay, madam. I will just use this photo and make it bigger for you. It’ll take me about an hour to get it done. But I am just letting you know that the quality will be very bad.”

Customer: “It will look good, don’t you worry. That’s my son! He always looks good!”

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At Lagerheads, Part 2

| Right | January 21, 2013

(I am working late at a local pizzeria. I’m already pretty aggravated due to having to cover someone else’s shift who called off that night, but I have managed to keep my cool. A customer calls in on the phone to place an order for delivery. He sounds fairly plastered already but is polite enough so I begin to take his order.)

Me: “What can I get for you tonight, sir?”

Customer: “I’d like two plain pizzas, a cheese steak stromboli, an order of hot wings, and a six pack of Heineken.”

Me: “Sir, we can’t deliver beer.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Well, sir, we just don’t. It’s against company policy. Now, can I get your name and address so we can send your food out to you?”

Customer: “Sure, but I’d like to change the order.”

Me: “Okay, no problem, what’s it going to be?”

Customer: “Well I said two plain pizzas, but now I’d like you to reach down your pants and tear out a large handful of pubic hair and toss it on top of my pizzas.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir; that’s complimentary and is included in each and every one of our meals free of charge.”

Customer: “F*** you. I’ll be in to pick it up shortly.”

(I figured he was way too drunk to drive over, so I didn’t make his order. I was right.)

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Can’t Imagine Why You Can’t Use Imaginary Coupons

| Right | August 15, 2014

(I greet a table of ten. In the middle of introducing myself this happens:)

Customer: “I have a coupon.”

Me: “Okay, hang on to it. It is applied at the end.”

Customer: “Hang onto it? I don’t have it with me. Is that a problem?”

Me: “So, you want to use a coupon that you don’t have with you?”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you have coupons if you won’t accept them.”

Me: “…”

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