Great stories from our entire backlog!

Looking For Some Consoling Advice

| Right | December 2, 2013

(I work the graveyard shift in the electronics department. It is the night of the PlayStation 4 midnight release, and throughout the night, I have been receiving a lot of phone calls from customers asking whether there are any more PS4s in stock.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. This is electronics. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you guys have any more PS4s in stock?”

Me: “No, sir. We sold out of those about a half hour ago.”

Customer: “Really? Okay. Well, do you know when the XBox One comes out?”

Me: “I believe they come out on the 22nd.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah? So next week… Well, which one do you prefer?”

Me: “Ha! I’m an XBox person myself, really.”

Customer: “Yeah? That’s cool. Hey, I have one more question. It may sound kind of weird.”

Me: “Okay?”

Customer: “Can you help me with my science homework?”

Me: “…uh… Google, bro…”

1 Thumbs
1,299

Those Who Dare, Teach

| Learning | May 7, 2014

(I’m teaching a very rough year 11 class. One of my most horrible students gets up from his work and starts opening the drawers of my desk.)

Me: “[Student], sit back down.”

Student: “No. You can’t make me do anything.”

Me: *waving a meterstick in a mock-threatening manner* “[Student], don’t touch my desk. Sit down now.”

Student: “Go on, Miss. I dare you.”

(He sticks his hand in the drawer containing my wallet, phone, and the treats I use as rewards.)

Me: “You got it.”

(I bring the meterstick down on his knuckles, hard as I can. It’s a perfect shot, and his hand immediately starts to swell. I panic, thinking I’m about to get fired.)

Other Kids: “Don’t worry, miss. We heard him dare you.”

Student: *cradling his hand, head down, returns silently to seat*

(Later, in the staff room at lunch:)

Head Of Year: “I heard you whacked [Student] today! Obviously, you shouldn’t do that, but that’s brilliant! I’ve been wanting to do that for years!”

1 Thumbs
1,860

Loss Of Hearing Vs Lack Of Respect

| Right | January 9, 2013

(Several months ago, I suddenly lost most of my hearing in one ear. I’m a singer and this has been devastating to me. Thanks to medication, it’s almost back to normal, but I have trouble with background noise and I’m very sensitive about the subject. I’m in my early 30s, and most people think I’m several years younger. I’m giving a tour of our winery, and one visitor has been very difficult through the whole tour. I’m at the last stop on the tour and explaining how the machines in the room work. The visitor starts motioning at me, but I have no idea what these motions mean.)

Me: “I’m sorry, did you have a question?”

Visitor: *mumbles something I can’t hear at all*

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t quite hear you, what did you say?”

Visitor: “Could you speak louder?! I can’t hear you at all.”

Me: *laughing a bit* “That’s a little ironic that I couldn’t hear you asking me to speak up because you couldn’t hear me.”

(Apparently, she doesn’t see the humor in this.)

Visitor: “You young people! You have no respect! You have no idea how it is not to be able to hear when you’re old! You should be in my shoes and not be able to hear well.”

Me: “Actually ma’am, I’m hard of hearing myself. I know I’m not old, but I know what it’s like to not be able to hear. At least you were fortunate enough to have good hearing for most of your life.”

Visitor: *a little taken aback* “Well, you just don’t… you don’t know—”

Me: “I do know. And this concludes our tour. The exit is right here.”

(She hurries right by me to leave and doesn’t make eye contact at all. However, the other members of the group pause to thank me for the tour and the information. One girl even said she wanted to give me a drink and a hug to try to make up for that difficult visitor. I appreciated that comment more than I can say!)

1 Thumbs
2,004

Reading Requires Reason

| Right | October 22, 2012

(I work at a very busy college, with around 10,000 spread over three sites. During office hours, all calls divert to the main free-phone number, which just happens to be covered by me.)

Me: “Hello, [company name], how can I help?”

Caller: “Yes, I want to make a complaint. I sent an email around two weeks ago and still haven’t heard anything back!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Let me check the records and I’ll call you back in ten minutes.”

(I then check all emails from two weeks ago, then three weeks ago. No luck. When I look for one week ago, I find the enquiry and the reply, sent within three hours. I call the client back.)

Me: “Our records show that we responded within three hours of your enquiry. You may be looking to far down in your mailbox as the replay was sent one week ago, not two.”

Caller: “Well, I haven’t checked my email.”

Me: “Wait, if you haven’t checked your email, why have you called to complain?”

Caller: “Well, I don’t read my emails very often!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can only send the email, not make you read them.”

1 Thumbs
2,191

Punch, Drunk, And Love

| Right | August 14, 2013

(I’m sitting at a bar when a drunk man approaches a regular female customer, who has been quietly chatting with the also-female bartender.)

Drunk Customer: “Hey, honey, let me buy you a drink.”

Female Regular: *not even turning around* “No thanks. Already have one, and just so you know, I’m married.”

Drunk Customer: “S***, b****, I’m just offering a beer.”

Female Regular: “And I’m politely declining. Please leave me alone.”

Drunk Customer: “I bet I could f****** beat the s*** out of your man!”

Female Regular: *smiling slightly* “Most likely.”

(The male customer sitting next to her, who has been quietly eating his food, and seemingly not involved in the situation at all, laughs.)

Male Customer: “Gee, thanks, babe.”

(The drunk man scoffs at the male customer, who is at least five inches shorter and, while fit, not remotely as muscular as the drunk.)

Drunk Customer: “You’re this b****’s man?”

Male Customer: “I’m this woman’s husband, yes.”

Drunk Customer: “S***, I could pummel you in seconds! She should ditch your sorry a**, and I’ll show her what a real man is like!”

Male Customer: “You could probably beat me up, but that’s not the problem. My wife asked you to leave. Please do so before you get hurt.”

Drunk Customer: “F*** you, what are you gonna do about it?!”

(The drunk customer grabs the male customer’s shoulder, and tries to punch him. Before he can, the female regular turns on her bar stool, twists the drunk’s hand away, and punches him so hard in the face that he drops to the floor.)

Male Customer: “I didn’t say I’d hurt you.”

(The drunk stumbles to his feet, furious and bleeding from his nose.)

Drunk Customer: “F*** you both!” *to the bartender* “This b**** punched me! Throw her out!”

Bartender: *laughs* “H*** no!”

Drunk Customer: “B****! I AM THE OWNER’S BROTHER! I WANT THIS W**** AND HER HUSBAND TOSSED!”

Bartender: *to the female regular* “Huh, I didn’t know we had a brother.”

Drunk Customer: “…huh?”

Bartender: “I own this bar, and the woman you were treating oh-so-kindly is my little sister. And she had every right to deck you for being a d***.”

Drunk Customer: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU F****** GINGER IRISH W****! TRYING TO RUIN ME! NO MAN WILL EVER WANT TO F*** YOU, YOU B****!”

Bartender: “You don’t need to listen to us anymore. Get out of my bar; you’re banned for life.”

(The drunk man continues to scream obscenities at her, her sister, and her brother-in-law, until he had to be dragged out by the bouncer—the bartender’s husband.)

1 Thumbs
3,596